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Suddenly Southern: A Yankee's Guide to Living in Dixie Paperback – July 13, 2004
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
You know that feeling you get when you first step on the tarmac in a foreign country? Part awe, part "What did I get myself into?" You get the same feeling when you move from north to south. You should have to clear customs. And in a manner of speaking, you do just that. At least there's no foreign language to master. But it helps to speak Southern to get along in the South. And all it takes is practice. Start by familiarizing yourself with the greetings.
Snappy Southern Greetings
Yankees don't take it personally when someone on the bus doesn't say hello to them. In fact, we prefer your silence. Southerners, on the other hand, make a living of being friendly and would never pass someone on the street without engaging him in conversation. These snappy Southern greetings may take a little getting used to:
"Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?" (Like "Aloha," this is used interchangeably to say hello and good-bye.)
"Y'all ain't from around here, are ya?" is basically a rhetorical question. They know you ain't. Sometimes Southerners just want to have some fun with you. Pay attention to tone. This greeting can be hearty and playful or about as friendly as a doberman pinscher greeting you at the gate. You'll know it when you hear it.
"You sound like the Nanny!"
Brooklyn, Chicago, Philadelphia: These accents all sounds the same to Southerners. Before you go home and wash your mouth out with soap, remind yourself that The Nanny made millions on her bad accent. What's stopping you?
"You're from New York, aren't ya?"
This greeting is not about your accent; it's about your attitude. If you tend to speak without being spoken to or -- gasp -- skip the pleasantries and get right down to business, you're considered pushy, so probably a New Yorker. And your fifteen minutes of fame are up.
Southerners do have some greetings that don't nail down your place of birth.
"Hi, y'all." (pronounced with three syllables)
Politically correct, proper, and friendly, "hi, y'all" has it all. It's equally at home at a governor's ball and a pig pickin'.
"Hey." (pronounced with two syllables)
Even some Southerners find "hi y'all" a little too, well, Southern.
Yankees find it much easier to understand Southerners when they learn to listen to what is not being said. For Southerners, minding your manners trumps telling the truth. "Tell it like it is" is not a badge of honor down here. Since Southerners don't always mean what they say, and don't always say what they mean, beginning listeners tend to lose some things in the translation.
Top Ten Southern-Fried Expressions
1. Fuller than a tick on a ten-year-old dog (nice way to end a meal)
2. Hotter than a goat's butt in a pepper patch (so much more original than "Hot enough for ya?")
3. Too lazy to yell "sueee" in a pigpen (said of Yankees, employees, or sons-in-law)
4. Nervous as a pig in a packing plant
5. Like trying to nail jelly to the wall (something that's hard to do)
6. Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then (everybody gets lucky).
7. If she gets to heaven she'll ask to see the upstairs (there's no pleasing her).
8. He wouldn't go to a funeral unless he could be the corpse (he's conceited).
9. It's so hot, the trees are bribing the rain (I have no idea what this means).
10. Scarce as hen's teeth
Ten Ways to Say "Now That's Ugly" in Dixie
1. Uglier than homemade soup (alternate: uglier than homemade soap).
2. He's so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.
3. Ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.
4. So ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.
5. Give me a fly flapper, and I'll help you kill it.
6. Looks like she's been hit in the face with a bag full of nickels.
7. He's so ugly he has to slap himself to sleep.
8. She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.
9. He's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.
10. He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.
Southern Parts of Speech
Traditional grammar teaches us eight parts of speech: nouns, verbs, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, interjections, conjunctions, and prepositions. But Southerners would be lost without one more: palliatives. When Southerners want to contradict, take a shot at someone, or strongly disagree, they always open with a palliative or a piece of humble pie. Of course, their manner will stay soft and gentle, but when clause 1 starts with a maybe, clause 2 will always pack a punch.
- Am I wrong in thinking...(we should fire the whole staff)?
- I may be mistaken, but...(I think that's the worst hairdo I've ever seen).
- I'm not sure, but I believe...(these people against the president are uncivilized and anti-America).
- I should think...(anyone with even a basic understanding of history would know we actually won the war).
May I Help You?
Whether you're at the makeup counter or the home improvement store, you can expect service with a smile. No matter how bad the news. Southerners tend to smile broadest when they can't help you. When they don't have what you're looking for, the answer is "We surely don't," followed by a big smile. When you ask, "Do you know where I can get..." the answer more often than not is "I surely don't" followed by another giant grin.
The A to Z Guide for Building Your Vocabulary or, The Dixie Dictionary (Abridged)
All y'all Plural for you; All y'alls -- plural possessive
Usage We're awful sorry that all y'all are without power six days after the ice storm.
We're awful sorry that all y'alls electricity has been out for six weeks now.
(Approved by 90 percent of the Usage Panel; approved by only 3 percent of the people stuck without power)
Butterbeans, boiled peanuts, or buttermilk biscuits
Don't ask a Southerner to choose a favorite food that begins with b.
Usage Pass the b ___s, please.
Christian In addition to God-fearing, "Christian" is used to describe a person who abstains from alcohol.
Usage "Open bar? Why, no, dear. We're Christian." Also used in marketing to sell products. See the Yellow Pages for the Christian nearest you.
Dadgumit Socially acceptable expletive; "damn" in other languages.
Usage (Note: No need to watch your grammar when you're all fired up):
"Them Yankees is moving down here in droves, dadgumit."
Or if you're really steamed:
"Dadgum! Mama done ate the last dadgum jar of dadgum pear preserves, dadgumit."
Everwhichaway Hard to pinpoint location, may explain poor planning of the roads.
Usage "Oh, the Inner/Outer Beltline isn't north, south, east, or west, it goes everwhichaway." Or "I dropped a bag o' boiled peanuts, and they went everwhichaway."
Fixin' What you're going to do: derivative of fix -- what you're doing.
Usage "We're fixin' to come over in about twenty minutes." (If this is your builder speaking, he's lying. He's fixin' to leave town.)
Compare to fix:
"I'll fix dinner directly" (directly is a unit of time).
Combined Usage: "I'm fixin' to fix this here roof by tomorrow."
Grits World's eighth wonder. Ground corn meets religion when you see how much Southerners worship this mushy delicacy served 24/7. (Think Quaker Oatmeal on corn.)
Usage With butter at breakfast, with cheese at dinner, sliced and fried for leftovers
Hadn't ought Should not. Not to be confused with the multiple modal "might ought."
Usage "You hadn't ought to bother your sister like that." "You might ought give me a rest, dadgumit."
Ill A state of mild irritation for Southerners.
Usage "That Beverly Hillbillies reality show, it makes me right ill."
June bugs Giant, gross-looking beetles that bang against the screen door in the spring looking to come in.
Usage Damaging lawns and scaring adults. Getting one tangled in your hair is reason to "go to pieces."
Kudzu A.k.a. "the vine that ate the South," "mile-a-minute vine," "foot-a-night vine" -- you get the idea: It's green and it's out of control.
Usage Fry and eat (make a quiche), arts and crafts (make a basket), homeopathic meds (make a cure).
Laying up Loafing, doing nothing.
Usage "He's laying up till the big game on Saturday" (big game = college football).
Marshal Escort for the debutante at her ball.
Usage Two marshals per deb; marshal #1 gives his left arm, marshal #2 supports her left elbow for an easy glide into society.
Nabs Peanut butter crackers. The real Nabs (Nabisco's 1928 peanut sandwich packet) have been long gone, but don't tell that to the current generation of Southerners who insist they grew up on them. Southerners never forget their first Nab.
Usage Nabs and a Co'Cola (the small bottle, of course) perfect for a trip down memory lane: the snack reward at the end of tobacco row; in the brown-bag lunch Mama packed; while operating heavy machinery.
Ought Used instead of should, in combination with should, or paired with just about anything for emphasis, for example: shouldn't ought, might ought, ought to could. See "hadn't ought."
Usage "I ought to go now. I shouldn't ought to stay this late on a school night."
Pig Pickin' A whole pig is slow-roasted over an open pit, and guests gather round and serve themselves, that is, pick the pig. Now, there's a party! Add some sides -- coleslaw, hush puppies, baked beans, sweet tea, and banana pudding -- and Southerners are happy as a pig in, uh, pick.
Usage "The senator will be at Saturday's pig pickin' if he knows what's good for him."
Quilt As wit... --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
More About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
I remember Maureen well from her days in Raleigh, or H-E-double hockey sticks, as she liked to call it. She became semi-famous for her column criticizing everything southern after she had to move to Raleigh, NC because of her husband's job transfer. For a woman who prided herself on her hyphenated last name & feminist stance, I think it was a bitter pill to swallow.
Of course her editor loved all the responses that flowed in following virtually all of her columns, which were nearly always condescendingly critical of the South in general, and Raleigh in particular. Ms Maureen never bothered to look around with an un-jaundiced (is that a word?) eye long enough to attempt an embrace of her new environment. Need an example? She insisted on returning to Filthydelphia...ERR... Philadelphia to have her hair styled, since 'they just don't understand how to do it down here'.
I could go on providing background as to why this is only yet another condescending slam on all habits Southern pretending to be a 'gently humorous look at the South', but there's enough info provided here already as proof.
Need verification? What other book puts such a huge amount of its' content out for people to 'pre-read' before buying? No, this is like one of those sophomoric comedic movies targeted at the 15-25 yr old male audience, the ones where all the 'funny' stuff is contained in the trailers, you know? Only this targets the folks who live in the North and think everybody in the South either lives in a tar-paper shack or on a plantation.Read more ›
First. let me note that the title of the book (and her columns) should have been "Suddenly Living In The South," as she was NEVER a Southerner, in birth or spirit. She was always proud of her roots in Philly and very condescending towards true Southerners and all things Southern.
Second, and I say this with some authority, she is not a Yankee. I'm a Yankee...born in Connecticut and transplanted to Raleigh in 1979. (I married into a true Southern family in 1988 and, thanks to God, have become a semi-Southerner over the last 32 years.) As any true Yankee will tell you, you have to be from ABOVE New York City to be a real Yankee...Philly doesn't count, except to Southerners. New England is the only source of genuine Yankees. Unfortunately, most Southerners consider you to be a Yankee if you are from anywhere above the Mason-Dixon Line, which is the ONE Southern failing I've encountered in 32 years.
I have to give at least some credit to Maureen for picking out a few true Southern idiosyncracies, a bit of the vernacular, and some regional color. Unfortunately, she did not do this with any affection whatsoever for the region or the people. Every single column seemed to end with a statement along the lines of "...poor dumb rednecks. In Philly, we actually know the RIGHT and PROPER way to do this [say this].Read more ›
Well, it's like that in the South. There are some commonalities that will make someone Southern, but this writer, like most others, assumes that their own singular Southern experience constitutes the WHOLE of Southern life. I just wish these writers would confine their assessments to the locales they experienced, know what I mean?
Being from Louisiana (LA), I'd feel a little out of my element in the NC world Maureen describes. For that matter, as much time as I've spent in (and love) southern LA, which is the cool part of the state, being from northern LA means that there are several really different worlds just a few hours further south that are almost as foreign to me as NC.
There is also a socio-economic cultural level that is even more critical to one's experience than the geographic location.
To sum it up, Southern humorists appeal MOST to Southerners when they don't generalize too much. I just want to laugh without having every other paragraph make my eyebrows knit up like a dog's. I'm as Southern as it gets and I couldn't tell you one whit about what North Carolina is like.
Y'all Yankees, please don't read this or any other Southern humor book and think we are all LIKE THAT. See where the author lives(ed) and only assume it's true for that state/city/neighborhood, ok?
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is a great, funny read. I bought this book for my parents who will be moving from New York to SC. This will be a fun Christmas present for them.Published 2 months ago by kay
This book was a disappointment, it was supposed to be funny, not so much!Published 12 months ago by Elizabethm