Customer Reviews

Suicide Squeeze

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

It's tough not to like a novel with Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe at the center of the plot. Even tougher when you've got characters like Fat Otis running around "turning strong, healthy men into little, mashed-up heaps of bone and flesh." And then there's bookie Rockie Big, an adulterous nympho girlfriend named Tyranny, a fat Japanese billionaire Yakuza boss, and a busted ex-NSA agent, all playing backup to our hero, the broken-down would-be ballplayer, hard luck gambler, sometimes repo-man and all times lovable Conner Samson.

If like me you'd never heard of Victor Gischler, fasten your seatbelt and lock in for the whacked-out spawn of the mating of Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard, an in-your-face trip through Florida's panhandle while Samson tracks down a deadbeat's boat and a legendary baseball card. Gischler's prose literally rips across the pages, too fast for poetry, too lean for embellishment, bouncing from one-liner to six-shooter as thick with black humor as it is with fresh corpses. And give Gischler extra credit: nowhere in his cast of misfits and miscreants is there a single Russian mobster, the seemingly obligatory feature of every thriller written in the past couple of years.

If you're looking for an irreverent read straight from the hip, fast and furious with not an ounce of social redeeming value to distract you, Victor Gischler and "Suicide Squeeze" marks the end of your quest. "Just do it."

In Gischler's third outing, Suicide Squeeze, we are treated to a Florida coast caper involving a baseball card autographed by three famous people, a Japanese billionaire who wants it, a down on his luck repo-man, Connor Samson, who finds it and an entire host of criminals, ex-wives, bar-flops, crazed yakuza, and comic book nerds who get caught up in the action.

Reading a Gischler book is kind of like watching pachinko, the Japanese game with all the ball bearings. His characters, just like the ball-bearings in the game, zoom around all over the place in a zany, mad-cap pace and outrageously bounce against each other causing all sorts of laughs and deviltry. On the surface Gischler's writing is simple, direct, and funny and the character's he tends to populate his novels with are generally broke, lower class, confused, and socially challenged. This is somewhat of a pleasant relief from all the novels who use hyper-intelligent, daring, perfect physical specimens as their protagonists. Not so here. These characters get drunk, puke, have hangovers, get lost, write bad checks, and do lots of things they shouldn't morally.....and these are just the good guys. These characters can be pretty funny as they bumble their inept way through the story.

On the other hand, while his books on the surface read as comedies, by the end of them you realize you have read a tragedy of Shakespearean scope....because nearly everyone is dead. This odd blend of less then perfect characters, white trash comic relief, small hopes and selfish viewpoints, neuroses, poverty, spite, cosmic bad luck, and high body counts work for Gischler in this book and I enjoyed the read. I truly like his first novel, Gun Monkeys, but didn't much care for his second, Pistol Poets. This book fell somewhere in between but I still recommend it because I really did like it. My reservation with Gischler is that, in using anti-heroes as protagonists, sometimes they are so unlikable that you can't enjoy the read. Books go down smoother if there is a character that you can identify with and like. Gischler does a better job in this novel of achieving that than he did in his last.

People kill each other over the dumbest things. You might think that the reason for the carnage in SUICIDE SQUEEZE, Victor Gischler's third and latest novel, is absurd. The motivation behind everything (well, almost everything) that takes place here is the acquisition of...a baseball card. It's not just any baseball card, though. It's a 1954 Joe DiMaggio card, autographed by Mr. Coffee himself, and the actress he was married to at the time, a starlet named Marilyn Monroe. Oh, by the way, there is a third signature on the card, that belonging to movie director Billy Wilder. There may have been a lot of Joltin' Joe DiMaggio cards printed, but one having those three signatures on it is truly one of a kind. Would people kill for a card like that? Yes. They would.

As you might expect, such a card is well beyond the reach of your average trading card fan, the kid with the dirty t-shirt and the dirty five-dollar bill who refuses to change either one. In SUICIDE SQUEEZE, however, the card has attracted the attention of Ahira Kurisaka, an unscrupulous and extremely wealthy businessman who wants the card and is willing to pay any price, and do anything, to get it. The owner of the prized possession is Teddy Folger, who used the valuable card as part of an insurance scam to fly the coup on his obligations to his ex-wife and everyone else within grabbing distance of him. Folger claimed that the card was destroyed in a fire, collected on his insurance policy, and got out of Dodge, sailing on a leased yacht on which he has no intentions of making payments. He of course still has the card and is looking to clandestinely sell it to the highest bidder.

Enter Conner Samson, a down-on-his-luck repo man who is retained by the rightful owner of the boat for the express purpose of getting it back. Samson gets to Folger about the same time that Kurisaka's representatives do, only he's a step or three behind. Samson gets the yacht, and Kurisaka's hirelings think he also has the card. Throw one of Samson's past due gambling debts, and a polite but firm collector, into the mix, and you have a "suicide squeeze."

Although Gischler is only three books into a brilliant career, he has thoroughly mastered the ability, as demonstrated in this novel, to present a complex plot without losing the reader in the narrative. Gischler's characters are quirky but believable, and his sense of humor keeps the plot afloat rather than miring it in absurdity. One quick example is a scene wherein Samson attends a science fiction convention. Gischler nails everything --- the generic hotel, the merch dealers, and most importantly, the crowd --- with just a few sentences that will leave you howling and at the same time humbled.

Incidentally, Gischler knows his stuff as well (I have my first Byrne X-Men issue under lock and key, too!) and as a result you can't read SUICIDE SQUEEZE without picking up a nugget or two of arcane knowledge along the way. Best of all, it is a fast, fun read. You can't ask for much more than that.

--- Reviewed by Joe Hartlaub

I've read a bunch of Gischler's books and I enjoyed this one the best. This isn't your normal, hard-boiled crime caper novel. It's a tongue-in-cheek version with a rogue's gallery of good guys with bad luck and bad guys with low self esteem. The main dude, Conner Samson, is a hilarious half-drunk repo man with a gambling problem who finds himself caught in the crosshairs of some Yakuza boss' search for a rare baseball card. It may sound silly, but it actually works. There's plenty of blood and guts, gratuitous sex and sarcastic dialogue, and somehow he threw in a little life lesson that wasn't all that corny. In all, this book was really fun and actually made me laugh out loud. I read through it pretty quickly. Definitely recommended - especially since it's like five bucks. Enjoy!

The good thing about Victor Gischler books is that they're full of fun, clean narrative and lots of action. The bad thing, as I'm starting to realize, is that if you've read one of them, you've read most of them (note, I didn't say "all").

Don't misunderstand me--Suicide Squeeze is a fun book with a fairly inventive story. Conner Samson, your typical down-on-his-luck-bum type, gets mixed up with local mobsters, the Yakuza and a trigger happy former-NSA agent over...a baseball card. See? Inventive, right? And a lot of fun as well. Gischler's strength evenly lies in his ability to make a story both complex and accessible at the same time. His books read like Hollywood blockbusters, which in my opinion, tastes almost like a delicacy in a world of stuffy, hyper-literate, dust-collecting "instant classics" that the New York Times insists should be on your reading schedule.

As mentioned, Gischler's near-trademark storytelling and the smirk you can tell he's cracking while crafting these fun tales work against him as readers become more acquainted with his work. On their own, Gischler's books are the epitome of a fun read, however, when compared to his other works, more than a few common threads begin to connect (and almost tire) his stories' themes and their characters.

If this is your first time hearing the name "Gischler," by all means, read Suicide Squeeze! But if you're familiar with some of his other works (also worth checking out for their own merits), be warned that you may have seen this story before.

Michael Ferrari
Author, Assault on the Senses

It all starts with a one-of-a-kind baseball card and ascends from there into a wild ride piloted by one Connor Samson. Along for the ride are a nympho, an ex-NSA ninja woman (NSA?), a giant black bodyguard, a bunch of Yakuza heavies and many more colorful characters. The plot is simple -- everybody wants to get ahold of the baseball card -- and proceeds at breakneck speed. The book is like a James Bond novel, outrageous, but not so outrageous that it is silly. Gischler does a yeoman's job keeping everything under control. Wild as it is, Gischler has penned a disciplined, enjoyable book. Definitely four-stars and I'll throw in a fifth for sheer creativity.

Conner Samson thinks of himself as a failure in life. And he is absolutely right. He blows a college sports scholarship, a chance at being a pro player. You name every good break that wandered into Samson's life and he could tell you how he blew it. Bad luck, he would say.

Now he can't afford to pay for a dollar beer at the bar, his latest inspired bets having failed. He owes Rocky Big, the local crime chieftain, $2,500 in lost wagers. He knows that Fat Otis, Rocky's enforcer, a 6' 5" black man will soon be looking for him to collect. (As it turns out, Otis and Conner are old buddies so Conner knows he has a tiny bit of wiggle room before his bones are broken.)

Desperate for a quick paying gig, Conner winds up plying his occasional trade as a repo man, this time looking for a sailboat.

The sailboat belongs to Teddy Folger, another loser in the game of life. Folger has divorced his life, hidden his assets, burned down a strip mall shopping center for the insurance and is about to sail into the sunset with a young woman half his wage. The woman, though she, when in financial need, accepted a thousand dollars to spend a night with Teddy now wants nothing to do with him. Teddy is dejected, but he still has his hole card: literally. Teddy has a baseball card signed by Joe DiMaggio, Marilyn Monroe and Billy Wilder who directed the star in "The Seven Year Itch," the movie with the famous scene of Marilyn's skirt billowing upward.

Teddy thinks the card is worth a million dollars, which will fund his life of sybaritic ease.

Across the continent and the Pacific Ocean, Ahira Kuriska is locked in private conflict with Hito Hyatta in their race to accumulate world class collections of, well, collectibles. Kurisaka is a billionaire, his fortune rooted in his earlier life (which he hasn't quite left behind) as a feared member of the Japanese underworld Yakuza. Kuriska is always one-upped it seems by Hyatta. Kuriska is convinced that Hyatta is seeking to acquire Teddy Folger's rare baseball trading card. Kuriska is determined to beat his rival.

And thus the stage is set for a riotous and murderous romp across Florid and Alabama as corpses pile up and a case of weird characters make their appearances (and often exits) in Victor Gischler's charming, endearing and very funny novel.

There's Tyranny Jones, eccentric artist and nymphomaniac (oh wait, Tyranny's therapist reminds her that she is not a nymphomaniac, but a sex addict) and sort-of long time lover of Conner Samson. Sort-of lover because Tyranny, who hops into bed with everyone including a dragooned delivery driver, won't committ the deed with Conner. Professor Dan, Tyranny's artsy husband accepts his wife's special needs. There's Rocky Big himself, a criminal colussus who is really quite a sophisticated, caring fellow . . . when he's not having people disappear or their bones broken. JoEllen Becker, late of the NSA, is there, fueled by murderous memories of her owwn failures and better days ahead.

Gischler has written a wonderfully comic novel of murder, mayhem and the destiny of losers who are destined to lose. "Suicide Squeeze" may or may not be a masterpiece, but it is a marvelous read. Conner Samson will remain in mind for a long time.

Jerry

There were many things you could call Conner Samson, but lucky, rich and disciplined weren't any of them. Conner took the only job he could find: repossessing a boat. Finding the boat proves to be the easy part. Staying alive long enough to get paid is the hard part. Unbeknownst to Conner, on board is perhaps the most collectible baseball card ever. It's a card people are willing to kill for - literally. The boat owner wants it so he can run away to an island and live the good life. The boat owner's ex wants it as the alimony she never received. The insurance claim agent wants to use it as bait for bigger fish. Two mercenary Japanese collectors want it to one-up each other. Caught between them all - and his bookie's collectors - Conner's life goes from bad to worse as the body count rises. Can Conner pull himself together long enough to outwit them and get paid?

Suicide Squeeze is a hard-boiled, wild ride that doesn't let up. Unexpected twists and turns are fast and numerous; you're never quite sure what's going to happen next. Gischler doesn't waste a word. His terse style enhances and adds depth to the story and characters - and what a cast of characters there is! Each one is quirky, vivid, almost a caricature in itself, including the anti-hero, Conner Samson. With few redeeming qualities, yet very self-aware, Conner's the bad boy underdog you root for despite yourself. You can't help but hope to see more of Conner's exploits in more novels to come. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and bought Gischler's first two novels to read as well.

Gischler walks a peculiar tightrope between humor and satire.

On the surface, you wonder if he's doing a parody of James Crumley, with an alcoholic loser hero, insanely over-the-top villains, and femme fatales amundo, all with a tongue-in-cheek style that makes the reader smile.

But there's also graphic violence here. And graphic sex. And though the book is funny, it's never silly. Gischler respects the crime genre, and plays by the rules.

The end result is a fast, fun read that will please Gischler's growing fan base and convert the non-believers.

If you enjoy crime fiction, you'll enjoy Suicide Squeeze.

If you don't enjoy crime fiction, why the hell are you bothering to read this review?

Victor Gischler scores again with this over the top crime novel set in the Florida panhandle.
His protagonist is a down on his luck former baseball player turned repo man, Conner Samson. With gambling debts piling up Samson takes a repo job that turns into more than he ever imagined. As the dead bodies pile up, he is stunned to realize the cause of all of this mayhem is a famous Joe Dimaggio baseball card signed by the Yankee Clipper himself and his former wife the superstar Marylin Monroe. The chase for the card is on and the crazy cast of characters Gischler spins out are loads of bloody fun! Gangster Rocky Big and his side kick Fat Otis, a Yakuza boss turned competitive collector and his cast of minions along with a former NSA agent are all hot on the trail of the elusive baseball card for various reasons. Poor Samson gets mixed up in the madness when all he really wants his the love of a former sweetheart, who as it turns out, is now a raging nymphomaniac and married to a wealthy artist. Conner can't seem to break his unlucky streak. Will he find the card and collect the million dollars it's supposedly worth? You'll have to pick this one up and enjoy the madness as he gives it everything he can to break his streak.

The thing I love about Victor Gischler's work is he always keeps the pace fast, builds unique characters and fills his stories with dark humor that will make you laugh out loud at times and just put a silly grin on your face at other times. I recommend Suicide Squeeze, Gun Monkeys, Pistol Poets and his latest The Deputy. Each book is unique and each one a fast paced, funny, bloody and slap you around the room good! If you like crime fiction and you don't know Gischler yet, you should. Grab one of his books today and enjoy!