I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography [Paperback]

Clay Crosse (Author), Mark A Tabb (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 31, 2005

Dove Award-winning artist Clay Crosse and his wife, Renee, share their personal story of his struggle with pornography and how they rebuilt their marriage.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Contemporary Christian singer Clay Crosse shares his journey as a performer whose 1994 number-one hit, "I Surrender All," captured the attention of the Christian music scene as he secretly battled a consuming addiction to pornography. Crosse tells how a mysterious throat ailment stopped him cold, causing his financial world to tip precariously, and bringing the realization that the road he was traveling was surely going to end in the demise of his marriage, crushing both his faith and his career. Telling his sobering story, Crosse takes turns with wife, Renee, as they candidly reveal the desperate condition to which their spiritual and marital lives had deteriorated before Crosse acknowledged his addiction. After he confessed that he would have had sex with any woman who offered, Crosse and his wife started a harrowing journey toward building a relationship characterized by trust and accountability. Renee had to struggle to overcome a wide range of feelings, including a sense of inadequacy as a wife, as well as hurt and anger at her husband's betrayal. Many Christian readers will appreciate the candor of the Crosses' story, which offers a fragile but persistent message of redemption. (Sept.)
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From the Back Cover

Clay Crosse burst onto the contemporary Christian music scene with his 1994 hit "I Surrender All." And over the next four years, his star climbed higher and higher with more number-one hits and sold-out concerts. But beneath his success lurked a dark secret: He was addicted to pornography. No one knew he had a problem--not even Clay--until the day God took away his voice. What followed that day was a story of the power of grace and forgiveness. Now Clay and Renee tell their story with the prayer that it will help countless other marriages--perhaps even yours.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: NavPress (August 31, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576837327
• ISBN-13: 978-1576837320
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #285,434 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

79 of 85 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An interesting memoir about overcoming issues stemming from pornography, September 30, 2005

By 

FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography (Paperback)

When Clay Crosse married his high school sweetheart in 1990 he wore a white tuxedo symbolizing the fact that he and Renee (in her white gown) had remained virgins until marriage. "We saw this as a way of glorifying God in our wedding ceremony and telling other young couples that it is possible to wait for sex until marriage. As I watched my bride coming down the aisle toward me, I realized God had given me a great blessing in her. In that moment I knew more than ever before that I wanted our lives to be different. I wanted us to stand out from the world and shine for God. Unfortunately, eight years would pass before I would begin to do the work to make this desire a reality."

In those eight years Clay Crosse became Clay Crosse: Christian Star. His first single, "I Surrender All," climbed to the top of the charts and the Gospel Music Association named him New Artist of the Year in 1995. His first four albums went on to produce eight #1 singles. But the white suit came back to haunt Clay.

Even though he and Renee had remained virgins, Clay hadn't remained pure. He'd become dependant on pornography to sate his sexual desires until he was married. As his career took off, with accolades and money flowing freely, he become increasingly self-centered and his shallow faith couldn't support the weight of his success. He and Renee gradually loosened their standards --- using coarse language, laughing at crude jokes, and viewing movies regardless of sexually explicit content. He was able to justify crossing back into porn use because it didn't feel like that much of a stretch from what he viewed in mainstream media on a regular basis.

"When I watched a mainstream movie that contained graphic sexual content and nudity, something stirred inside of me. The old feelings I experienced when I watched pornography before I was married came back. I like them, and I wanted more. As I said a moment ago, the focus of my life increasingly was me and what would make me happy. Pornography fed this hunger, and I knew when I could find it," he writes.

That seemingly benign move started a spiral into lust that, two years later, left Clay perched on the edge of an affair. Thankfully, the Lord got Clay's attention and he started to do the difficult work of reorienting his life on God and others rather than himself.

It's that difficult work that fills the chapters of I SURRENDER ALL, the book Clay and Renee Crosse have written together about his struggles with pornography and lust, and her struggles to forgive and trust him again. The fact that this issue came to a head for them several years ago, in 1998, gives their advice weight. They've been in the marital trenches and have just enough distance from the dark days to offer light, but are close enough to still have compassion and a sense of urgency about the issue.

The couple offers a lot of practical tips for avoiding temptation and supporting a weak spouse. The Crosses also advocate male headship in the household, which some will have theological qualms with. But they and readers can agree that their most important move was to reaffirm their commitment to Christ and to rely on his strength to keep the marriage together when neither of them was able or willing to based on their own power.

Even though Clay and Renee's marriage faced unique opportunities to slide into danger because of his ego-driven profession, it's clear that the temptations Clay faced and the emotions Renee felt are universal. Anyone --- male or female, married or single --- who is struggling through issues stemming from pornography will find valuable information, understanding, and exhortation in I SURRENDER ALL.

--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars very encouraging, October 23, 2005

By 

L. Baillie "laurabai" (Hope Mills, NC USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography (Paperback)

i appreciated this book so much for being so humble, open and honest and i'm grateful for the fact that a christian recording artist and his wife would open up about this topic which has shamed so many into silence. the enemy has run rampant in this area and men and women need to see examples of how the Lord is able to work and redeem someone out of the bondage of sexual sin, that He is so willing and able to restore all that has been stolen from a christian marriage that's been torn apart...it reinforces the hope i have in the Lord for my marriage and was very encouraging...

23 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Challenge to a Life of Purity, February 16, 2006

By 

Michael Dalton (Eureka, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography (Paperback)

Singer Clay Crosse first saw pornography in the fourth grade. He was at a friend's house when they found a collection of magazines. A few years later, another friend showed him a movie. By the time he was in high school, he had a small stash of magazines hidden in his room. Clay knew that looking at this material was wrong, but he never thought about how dangerous it might be.

Even after he and his future wife made a commitment to purity, he was able to rationalize his involvement with pornography. As long as he and Renee were not having sex, he thought he was okay.

Once he married, he assumed that his battle was over. Being a fan of movies, Clay though little about the content of the films that he watched. It made it easier to once again watch pornographic videos at the height of his music success in 1996. This began a two-year descent that would affect him physically, jeopardizing his marriage and career.

This couple's journey to restoration is told clearly and concisely in their own words. It's honest without any lurid details. Through Renee's account we see the heartbreak and turmoil that family members can experience.

This story serves as a warning to all that will take it to heart. There is a common progression with predictable and devastating results. This book could help others turn their lives around.

How could someone so popular in Christian music justify this kind of behavior? Clay and Renee admit that their relationship with God was shallow. Once Clay made it big, they became enamored with all of the pleasures that they could enjoy. Looking back they realize that they were living for themselves.

The foundation for the rebuilding that took place in their marriage was a new commitment to serve the Lord. Their path to wholeness is practical without being legalistic, providing hope for those who struggle with this in their own lives.

Life is better for them now. Clay continues to perform concerts nationwide, and he and Renee speak at various marriage enrichment conferences. Clay serves as worship pastor and Renee is involved in the leadership of women's ministries at The Love of Christ Church in Memphis, pastored by Dana Key of Degarmo & Key fame.

It's hard not to be challenged about purity when you read this book. It's a reminder that we must continually "Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desire" (Romans 13:14 ESV).

Clay and Renee have established HolyHomes Ministries to challenge Christian families to live godly lives. Their thought is that Christian homes should function in a different way than non-Christian homes. They should function in a better way, with more love and caring, and be less destructive and hurtful.