Customer Reviews

Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

In chronicling her journey from driven career-woman to driven mom, Iris Krasnow makes some valuable points, such as the importance of enjoying one's children on a day-to-day basis, and the value of living in the here and now. However, she takes an enormous leap in implying that to do this requires one to "surrender" to housework and childcare and give up, or drastically curtail, many of the career interests that a woman had before bearing children. The life at home advocated by Krasnow, involving cleaning up children's messes and ignoring more adult interests, sounds suspiciously like the depressing 1950s myth of fulfilled womanhood that Betty Friedan worked to dispel in The Feminine Mystique. Her advocacy of such a life is also more than a little disingenuous, given that Krasnow is actually working nearly half-time as a writer and has a significant amount of childcare available. I wonder if her joy in the life of a housewife and stay-at-home mom would persist if she did not have her career as an intellectual outlet.

I was introduced to this book by my husband.He was listening to a radio talk show, while driving to work. Their guest was Iris Krasnow, the author of Surrenderig to Motherhood. He apparantly liked what he heard, because he came home, raving about this book. He insisted that I MUST read it. He claimed that it would make my life as a mother oh so clear.

I finally agreed. He bought me the book and waited expectantly. I told him that I must first READ it before gaining insight. I started into this autobiography of sorts. I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but it certainly was not this.

I honestly did not like this book. I forced myself to finish it, just to make my husband happy. I did not feel as if I had gained anymore wisdom or insight in my role as a mother. I stay home with my children of my own free will, I would sacrifice everything for them. Yet, it nearly took the death of Iris Krasnows firstborn child, to realize that she was missing out on everything.

I cannot see what was the huge sacrifice that Iris Krasnow made. Nothing is too good to let go of for your own flesh and blood. Besides, she supposedly had the perfect life. College in sunny California, Jet Setter jobs in Chicago and Houston. A perfect journalistic opportunity in Washington.

She fell in love with and married the so called perfect man. Maintained the perfect size 6 body. I mean this woman had absolutely no complaints. Good jobs, lots of money and a great loving and supportive husband. And to top it all off, she was in her late thirties when she had her first child. Far from being a young chick.

This woman had and has it all. She is happy and content with her life. She has accomplished many dreams in her forty some years. Staying home and raising your children should be a given. Especially if you have the means, as Iris Krasnow does. I truly do not see that she had much surrendering to do.

Stay home and raise your children? Yes, that would be great and perfect. I am sure that anyone given the means would jump at the opportunity to make their children first priority. But unfortunately some people live in the REAL world. That is not always what one can do. Sometimes surrendering is out of our hands.

Sorry to all the previous reviewers, but I cannot say that I liked this book. I couldn't see that Iris Krasnow had much surrendering to do. This book isn't about motherhood, it's about Iris's life as a journalist, student, lover etc... Her reference to her children is minute at best. This book was a wasted couple of hours, that I will never get back. Don't make my mistake, and read it too.

I do not share Iris Krasnow's driving ambition, nor her good fortune at being financially well-off. In fact I am about as different from her as one could possibly get. But I do relate to her in one way: I have found myself needing to be in the process of surrendering to motherhood.

I have had to struggle to allow myself to let go of expectations (from myself and others) to "do something worthwhile" with my life and "contribute to society," i.e., have a successful career. I have also had to struggle to let go of this mindset that says that I always have to be looking forward and away, rather than just appreciating the moment. I have also had to struggle to give of myself, a struggle even when it was in my own best interest.

She affirms, from her personal experience, that it is *okay* to choose this path. It is valid, as well as fulfilling and honorable. That's a nice thing to hear when you've grown up in a culture that has no respect for and devalues the woman (or man, for that matter) who wishes to make her children, rather than her career, the priority in her life.

Iris herself is quite a character, and though she does tend to be unnecessarily (and sometimes tediously) verbose, I enjoyed reading about her career and often fruitless search for truth and happiness. She is simple and honest and does not take herself too seriously, speaking of her missteps with tenderness and forgiveness toward herself.

And yes, I am a mother -- of three, sorry, not four sons. And I "stay home" having come to my own version of the surrender implied in her title. But as I read I got more and more annoyed. You just can't glamourize motherhood, even by writing about picking up egg from the floor. It is not, and it will never be, intellectually stimulating. I have to agree with other reviewers who called it disingenuous and pointed to Krasnow's many other vocations besides motherhood. But what really irked me throughout was the repetition of the same "wonder of motherhood" speeches... I'm reading Mary Kay Blakely's American Mom right now and it's much better. Also, let's face it, being an expert on stay at home parenting when your oldest is about 8 doesn't exactly cut it.

This book is almost insulting to us "real" moms out there. I am a stay at home mom of 3 under 3 who was fortunate enough to be able to walk away from a big career with even bigger potential. I was hoping for some words of wisdom to make the transition a bit easier. But, alas, all this one has to offer is self-piteous name dropping and repetitive stories of a search for spirituality. Get over yourself. Her writing is insulting at times. Although I agree having so many kids so close is not a walk in the park, and definitely takes some surrendering, I also know that life would be much easier with the "staff" she was able to employ with her 4 boys. Get real, Iris.

In this memoir, Iris Krasnow describes her long search for inner peace and personal satisfaction, and how she finally found it as the mother of four young children. As a memoir, the book is very interesting, and Krasnow has some interesting observations about the difficult balancing act that women who value their professional lives and their children face. I was vaguely disappointed by the book, however. For as much as Krasnow emphasizes the joy she finds in motherhood, she spends well over half of the book telling about the glamorous life she led as a professional woman. I couldn't help think that she was sounding a bit defensive in the "I'm happy now and I don't need those thrills anymore," while going on at length about just how thrilling her life was. Also, she does end up sounding a bit patronizing toward women who choose to continue their professional lives--unintentionally, I imagine--but describing them at one point as "dabblers" in motherhood sounded a bit judgmental from someone who was professing to advocate tolerance for all choices. All in all, there is much inspiration in the book, and lots to think about for mothers and mothers-to-be. But don't read this for advice, or expect to be told how you can find similar enlightenment.

This book was an answer to my prayers, literally. When I was suffering from wondering "what if..." flights of fancy ("what if I had pursued a glamorous career instead of committing to my family", etc. etc.), this book convinced me beyond any shadow of a doubt that I not only missed NOTHING, but that I gained EVERYthing, with my choice.

The last few chapters of the book had me weeping....I felt something inside me just "click" with the RIGHTNESS of it all! Someone actually did live the life I had always dreamed of and fantasized about, and in the final analysis found her absolute fulfillment in "surrendering to motherhood".

Through the author, I lived that life, and saw how shallow and fleeting the joys would have been. What an incredible gift!

I've read some of the reviews, and I am really surprised at some of the ugliness. First, the reviewer who wasn't even a mother had NO business commenting. Sorry, but truly you have to be a mother to "get" surrendering.

Secondly, I noticed a lot of snide, snarky remarks about her having nannies and book tours. Well, I'm most definitely NOT of the "Nanny" class of people, and none of that bothered me in the least. Actually, it was really refreshing to see that money and glamour does not bring you happiness (I mean, I already KNEW this, but it was just really a huge confirmation for me). I can say that because her book made it so REAL for me.

Perhaps she is just a really gifted writer, for this book to have touched me so, but whatever the case -- I am immensely thankful that I found this book.

I might not identify with the lifestye that the author is probably accustomed to, but her feelings about motherhood and her precious children? That cuts across all class and money lines...

Some of her stories are interesting, but I quickly got bored of her mentioning the same star's names over and over. She seems to enjoy name dropping. I also didn't understand why she jumped into marriage and childbirth and then did her motherhood vs career soul searching. I don't think she really solved her problems. Whats she going to do and feel when her boys grow up?

This book was such a disappointment to me. I believe there are many avenues to spiritual growth and that motherhood is certainly one of the most powerful. However, the author's ambivalence about motherhood screams from the pages. Much of the author's pages are devoted to judging and condemning those who have had made different choices from her: non-mothers. Of course, let's not forget that the author is permitted to make such bitter, judging statements about non-mothers -- after all, she's "been there, done that"!

Please. Hatred is hatred, no matter how prettily you package it. I don't want the kind of spirituality the author professes to have. I know from experience that motherhood is wonderful and deeply fulfilling. However, if I had to base my opinions solely upon this book, I would read between the lines and imagine motherhood to be a teeth-clenching, agonizing task which causes one to be envious of those without children -- causing one to skillfully toss angry, acidic comments their way .... I think I'll stick to Thomas Merton and Mother Teresa's books on spirituality. They are kinder and more loving to those who are unlike them.