Surviving an Affair [Hardcover]

Willard F. Jr. Harley (Author), Jennifer Harley Chalmers (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 1998

Infidelity is common, occurring in over half of all marriages. And yet, it is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and wayward spouse. With all that sadness, why do people have affairs? And once that trust is broken, how can a couple reconcile?

In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers help readers understand and survive every aspect of infidelity. They describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end them, and the best way to restore marriage after an affair. Most importantly, the authors help readers survive the entire ordeal by providing them with step-by-step guidance that minimizes suffering and offers hope for a loving and trusting marital relationship. (137)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., and his daughter, Jennifer Harley Chalmers, Ph.D., are licensed psychologists and marriage counselors. Dr. Harley is the author of the best-selling His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Revell; Reprinted edition (November 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800717589
• ISBN-13: 978-0800717582
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,565 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. He is best known as the author of His Needs, Her Needs; Love Busters; Five Steps to Romantic Love; and Give and Take.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

89 of 89 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If your marriage needs help, emergency help, this is it., November 28, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Surviving an Affair (Hardcover)

My wife and I survived an affair - I was the 'victim' but in a way there can be no victims in an affair. Both of you must be aware of each others needs and become professionals at meeting them better than anyone else can. I know what it is like to feel betrayed - I survived it and my marriage is fortified for having had the experience. I have read the negative reviews here on this book, and I must tell you that I understand their frustration and they are due their pain and anger, but not at this book, it's authors or the power it has to bring your life back to a place where you can live it with your spouse. I never thought I'd find an ordinary world again, but with counseling, understanding, knowledge and the teachings of Dr. Harley (see his other books too!) I did, my wife did, and we hold each other closer than we ever have before. I'm sorry there is a reason for you to look into this book, but have hope - you will feel better when you learn what it teaches you about your spouse's needs and how a marriage must function to maintain those needs. The book also will NOT make the cheating spouse feel like a criminal, and posts many insights from their point of view. This is something those of us cheated ON will perhaps not have much sympathy for but there is A LOT for us to learn from it. The affair is a drug in the cheater's blood - they are prisoners in a cycle that people have fallen victim to since marriage began. They will eventually see the light, but they must do this with their own eyes. By following Harley's advice you can create the best environment for this.

52 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended!, August 4, 2004

By 

ll "ll" (San Francisco, CA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Surviving an Affair (Hardcover)

I suvived my ordeal by following the advice in Dr. Harley's book as well as on his web site www.marriagebuilder.com. I had an affair several months ago. I was totally confused, devastated, depressed, and thought about suicide. I tried looking for help but most people are not sympathetic toward the wayward spouse. I learned about Dr. Harley and was comforted to know that he understands the wayward spouse's feeling and point of view. I followed his advice regarding total separation from my lover valuable- it was the hardest thing in the world to do- I loved him and the thought of never communicating with him devastated me. But I am so glad in retrospect that I lived throught the withdrawel. I now have a better relationship with my husband, and after three months of not communicating with my lover, I can now see the affiar for the mistake that it was. I am very grateful to Dr. Harley- his iron-clad policy regarding total separation with my lover was absolutely right!

I highly recommend this book especailly if, like myself, you are having an affair and would like advice on what to do next. I understand your pain and struggle. Trust me, buy this book, or at least go to his website and read the articles. You might think that total separtion from your lover is impossible. Trust me, the pain was excruciating, but it was it. I saved my marriage and my life. And you can save yours.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good, structured approach to surviving an affair, July 8, 2001

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Surviving an Affair (Hardcover)

This book offers a structured, detailed, step-wise approach to rebuilding a marriage after an affair. It's discussion of the causes of an affair is not as well-developed as "Affairs" (Brown), but the marriage rebuilding process is very well developed. The authors bat about the term "in love" fairly loosely without really exploring what it means, and their admonition to not dwell on details of the affair but to focus on the present is in conflict with their demand for total openness and honesty. This book will not offer a betrayed spouse much help in understanding that all-important "why?" nor in working through the agonizing pain of betrayal, nor will it really help a betraying spouse closely examine their history and psyche to identify why they had an affair, but it will offer both betrayed and betraying spouses good advice on moving forward.