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Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem Paperback – January 1, 2004


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Frequently Bought Together

Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem + Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder + I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 185 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572243287
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572243286
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (122 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #19,756 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“If Stop Walking on Eggshells has become the bible for people with a borderline family member, I predict that Surviving a Borderline Parent will become the ‘must have’ book for people who have a parent with borderline traits. Authors Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman have done a stunning job of validating the isolating experience of these ‘adult children,’ and more importnantly, shown them how to overcome the constant feelings of guilt, abnormality, and self-doubt. This book belongs on the shelf of every clinician and adult child with a borderline parent.”
—Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells



“Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman provide comprehensive guidelines for adult children with borderline parents that help create balance and boundaries in these tumultuous relationships. The authors point to the need to break the ‘silent treatment’ around Borderline Personality Disorder and encourage clinicians to educate patients and family members about this diagnosis. This book is well worth the investment for any adult child with a borderline parent.”
—Christine A. Lawson, Ph.D., author of Understanding the Borderline Mother



“Life with a ‘normal’ parent can be hard enough. All of us have stories about low points in growing up. But ultimately we can look back on childhood with a warm feeling about our parents and feel that we were loved and nurtured. Not so for children of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. These adult kids may need to do years of work to recover from the narcissism of their caregivers. Surviving a Borderline Parent provides life-affirming signposts to the road back to emotional health.”
—Ross Werland, health editor for the Chicago Tribune

From the Publisher

This is the first step by step guide for adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder. It teaches them how to overcome the devastating effects of growing up with a parent who suffers from BPD. Foreword is by Randi Kreger, coauthor of "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook."

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Customer Reviews

Now he's halfway through reading the book, and it has really helped him to open up about some of these feelings.
Sue P
Accepting what transpired as is will help you move forward to having a better life, this book is a great starting point.
Jessica L. Ajibolade
I found the book helpful and validating to those who have suffered with parents with borderline personality disorder.
Amazon Customer

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

277 of 279 people found the following review helpful By Yvonne on September 16, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As a 37-year old woman who has lived with a borderline mother since birth -- but who did not know it until recently -- this book is outstanding. When I read this book I kept saying to myself "how do they know that?", because what the authors write is exactly what happens - taking onboard all the negative self-misperceptions that result from a BPD mother's twisted idea of acceptable child raising, living with a mother who is incapable of emotional warmth and the subsequent fallout for children in terms of insecurity and the "am I going crazy?" dilemma, and the "jekyl and hyde" nature of BPD in terms of outsiders never knowing or accepting how crazy and chaotic life inside the home really is. This was a difficult book to read, yet compelling reading. For the first time in my own life I felt understood for what I suffered as a child of a BPD mother -- and that's AFTER a couple of years of therapy (which was very helpful). This book, however, is even better than therapy. It achieved in one week what therapy did not achieve in two years -- it validated my experience as real, and I realised I am not alone. There are many, many other adults who have suffered the same fate -- and survived.

If you have, or suspect you have, a BPD mother, read this book. Read it now. I'm not saying it will be easy to read, but you will not regret it.
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233 of 235 people found the following review helpful By W. Knight on August 13, 2005
Format: Paperback
Excellent book! After 50 years and a graduate education in psychology, I couldn't see the reality of my own (step) mother. Once I suspected, I ordered this book and couldn't put it down. My copy is full of underlining, side comments and sticky-notes. Chapters are easy to follow and include information, respect for one's own experience, and tools for making changes when you're ready.

The book helped me to deal with my sense of guilt and over-responsibility, especially now that my parent is terminally ill. There's a fabulous quote in the book: "I feel sad that my mom is suffering, but I also know that she is the only person that can do anything about it, and she chooses not to . . . I won't allow her to inflict her suffering on me anymore, either."

The book includes a realistic, not syrupy, discussion of forgiveness, as well as tools for "grief, acceptance, and overcoming guilt." This book contributed significantly to my ability to take my life back and conduct this difficult relationship on my own terms. Sort of a midlife rite-of-passage.
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224 of 228 people found the following review helpful By free at last on August 19, 2004
Format: Paperback
I gave up on highlighting the pertinent passages in this book - every word of it applied perfectly to my realtionship with my mother. This book gives you the validation you probably never had, and gives solid, practical ways to overcome the effects of growing up with a BPD parent. The examples sited in the book could have been lifted from my journal. It was tremendously healing and empowering to finally learn that the behavior I endured as a child is actually part of a mental illness, and that I/we are not alone anymore. I cannot express effectively how much peace this book brought to me. You will not be disappointed.
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62 of 62 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 11, 2004
Format: Paperback
My mother has BPD and the past six years have been the worst. She's alcoholic and IV drug abuser and her behavior has ripped my family to pieces. I have a brother and sister who are much younger than me and are still right in the middle of this family crisis. This book along with "Understanding the Borderline Mother" have helped me to gain some sort of control over my life. I've learned to look at her behavior as an illness and I now know that it's not my fault and that I have a right to live a happy life even if that means not having a relationship with my mother at all. I now know that a family is built around love, faith, kindness and genorosity and not manipulation, lies, drugs , sex and violence. I'm trying to pass all of this information on to my younger siblings in hope that they realize that they're not the problem either. This book is an absolute must read for anyone that has a parent with BPD.
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95 of 98 people found the following review helpful By John Crowe on March 18, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Wonderful & Practical!!!!!
Kimberlee and Freda's book draws on the insights of previous books concerning people in relationship with those who have borderline personality disorder. Having read this wonderful and very practical book, I can see why Randi Kreger wrote the forward.
As I read this book, I saw a very good but non-technical theme throughout the book. The term is never used, but the issue of co-dependency is addressed. Also, the way out is clearly outlined.
While written for adult children of parents with bpd, I see two more audiences to benefit from this book.
First, the children of those with this personality disorder who still live at home can benefit from this book. If used wisely by the non-bpd parent and/or the therapist of the family's children, it could help them greatly.
Second, those whose mother-in-law or father-in-law have this disorder will find practical help here in dealing with very challenging 'toxic in-laws.' Thank you very much for writing this book.
Sincerely,
John
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60 of 60 people found the following review helpful By Bookworm Mom on May 29, 2006
Format: Paperback
Not sure what was wrong with my relationship with my mother, but suspecting BPD, I read this book in 2 days. It is the only book I've read that offers practical advice for dealing with difficult people, especially the overbearing, moody, and negative parent. This book was my saving grace and I have given it to friends who also have difficult family members. I can't say enough about the positive change this book has brought, helping me create boundaries and be able to communicate effectively and respectfully. It has also helped me, as a borderline mother myself, not make the same mistakes my mother did.
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