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Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem Paperback – January 1, 2004
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“If Stop Walking on Eggshells has become the bible for people with a borderline family member, I predict that Surviving a Borderline Parent will become the ‘must have’ book for people who have a parent with borderline traits. Authors Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman have done a stunning job of validating the isolating experience of these ‘adult children,’ and more importnantly, shown them how to overcome the constant feelings of guilt, abnormality, and self-doubt. This book belongs on the shelf of every clinician and adult child with a borderline parent.”
—Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells
“Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman provide comprehensive guidelines for adult children with borderline parents that help create balance and boundaries in these tumultuous relationships. The authors point to the need to break the ‘silent treatment’ around Borderline Personality Disorder and encourage clinicians to educate patients and family members about this diagnosis. This book is well worth the investment for any adult child with a borderline parent.”
—Christine A. Lawson, Ph.D., author of Understanding the Borderline Mother
“Life with a ‘normal’ parent can be hard enough. All of us have stories about low points in growing up. But ultimately we can look back on childhood with a warm feeling about our parents and feel that we were loved and nurtured. Not so for children of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. These adult kids may need to do years of work to recover from the narcissism of their caregivers. Surviving a Borderline Parent provides life-affirming signposts to the road back to emotional health.”
—Ross Werland, health editor for the Chicago Tribune
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Top Customer Reviews
If you have, or suspect you have, a BPD mother, read this book. Read it now. I'm not saying it will be easy to read, but you will not regret it.
The book helped me to deal with my sense of guilt and over-responsibility, especially now that my parent is terminally ill. There's a fabulous quote in the book: "I feel sad that my mom is suffering, but I also know that she is the only person that can do anything about it, and she chooses not to . . . I won't allow her to inflict her suffering on me anymore, either."
The book includes a realistic, not syrupy, discussion of forgiveness, as well as tools for "grief, acceptance, and overcoming guilt." This book contributed significantly to my ability to take my life back and conduct this difficult relationship on my own terms. Sort of a midlife rite-of-passage.
Kimberlee and Freda's book draws on the insights of previous books concerning people in relationship with those who have borderline personality disorder. Having read this wonderful and very practical book, I can see why Randi Kreger wrote the forward.
As I read this book, I saw a very good but non-technical theme throughout the book. The term is never used, but the issue of co-dependency is addressed. Also, the way out is clearly outlined.
While written for adult children of parents with bpd, I see two more audiences to benefit from this book.
First, the children of those with this personality disorder who still live at home can benefit from this book. If used wisely by the non-bpd parent and/or the therapist of the family's children, it could help them greatly.
Second, those whose mother-in-law or father-in-law have this disorder will find practical help here in dealing with very challenging 'toxic in-laws.' Thank you very much for writing this book.
to the authors of this book for shining a spotlight on this
mystifying, tragic, devastating disorder....
Like many of the case studies cited in this book, my own mother
behaved quite normally (and acted quite lovingly) toward me from
my birth until about the age of four....
Then -- only intermittently at first -- her paranoia and rages
She started telling me that I hated her(???!)
....She told me that she could "see it in my face"....
....And that and that she wished she could "throw me back"
(like a dud fish that's been caught, I guess.)
....Or that she could "lock me in a cage," (like the
despicable creature I was to her, I suppose.)
She began looking for signs that I was "betraying" her, or
"sneering" at her behind her back.... She would study my
facial expressions and vocal inflections INTENSELY, looking
for any excuse to explode....
And (God help me!!) if I slipped up and allowed myself the
luxury of a NEUTRAL facial expression (instead of a continuous
smile), or did not answer her with a properly "enthusiastic"
voice, there would be HELL to pay.
By the time I reached the age of six, my life had BECOME a
living hell.... With no way out....
(My dad, by the way, was an extremely passive man (...he had
been severely abused himself, as a child, by a domineering
mother...), and he offered NO resistance to my mother when
she would target me for abuse.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Excellent book that helped me understand so much. Received early as well.Published 7 days ago by heds
Have been trying to cope with issues and vague memories that surface from childhood for almost a decade.. Read morePublished 9 days ago by J&KinGA
Finally the validation you need as the child of a borderline parent. Recommended.Published 13 days ago by Amazon Customer
Very informational book. Helps a lot to see I'm not alone. And gives me a lot of tools to heal !
Note I use Audible books. So I can listen
Years ago I picked up "Stop Walking on Eggshells" simply because the title described how I felt in my then marriage, not even having an inkling about what I was to discover... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Kevin
Good book with relevant case studies that were not only about addictions and alcoholism as many of these resources seem to be. I could definitely relate. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Lynn Royal
A sensitively written and accessible book about a difficult subject. Thank you!Published 4 months ago by Ingrid