In inventories of life stressors, one event is invariably listed as the most difficult: the death of one's spouse. When a mate is lost in the middle of life, not only hopes and dreams evaporate, a whole way of living and relating to the world vanishes, leaving the living partner with the daunting task of rebuilding an entire world. Based on her landmark study of young widows in the United States and her real-life experiences gained while counseling spouses of victims of the September 11 tragedy, the author of this compassionate new book, Deborah Levinson, has formulated an effective program for recovering, both emotionally and practically, from the death of a spouse.
This book proposes a three-step model for understanding and adjusting to life after the loss of a spouse. The first step, called 'Treading Water, ' describes the first phases of loss in which practical concerns share primacy with dealing with uncertainty and search for balance. 'Pseudoequilibrium' follows, during which the surviving spouse seeks to redefine him or herself through new people and experiences. 'Transition to Lift-off' and 'Renewal and Resolution' occur at that point in the recovery process when the surviving spouse is ready to let go of the guilt and embrace the possibilities associated with continuing to live. The book guides the grieving spouse through each phase with step-by-step advice. Exercises help the widow or widower immediately adjust to loss, deal with legal and business issues, and interact with others who wish to help. As the recovery progresses, the same tools help him or her to set goals and build new relationships.
