Customer Reviews

Surviving Ophelia: Mothers Share Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(1)
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2 star:		(1)
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What an extraordinary book! I received this book in the mail when the pain over my 17 year old daughter leaving home, for no apparent reason, had just reached the "unbearable" stage. Through tears, I read the entire book within 24 hours. Before reading "Surviving Ophelia", I felt like the only (parenting professional) mom in the world who has poured 110% into my daughter only to suffer the ultimate pain. The question is always, "Why?" While my daughter is out in the world putting herself in harms way, I stand in the "gap" of, "Nothing we can do, she's 17." This book provided a blatant dose of solace, links to some tangible help and yielded some sense to a senseless situation. In essence, sometimes it's not about the child. Sometimes it is not about the way we parent. Sometimes there is no pat answer and no one to blame. I think any mother who is going through a rough time with her adolescent daughter can learn, and grow, and find strength in the words of "Surviving Ophelia." If you are looking for psycho-babble and parenting advice this is not that kind of book. If you are looking for good reading, mature insight and a bright ray of hope, this book passes many parenting books by a mile.

Many mothers share their insight and their personal stories on raising teenage daughters. Cheryl Dellasega has created a book that allows mothers across the country to share their own personal challenges on raising teenage daughters.
You will read about anorexia, dishonesty, vulnerabilities, crisis intervention, boundaries, love, survival and so much more. Cheryl's book is a gift and like many gift's it was born of pain. She reveals much of herself and her own struggles with her teenage daughter Ellen. Ellen writes a piece in the end as to where they are now. Her portion brought me to tears as her relationship with her mother remains intact.
Many other mothers were not so lucky some have lost their daughters to death others to estrangement. The underlying sense from all mothers is of love and wanting to do their best even when faced with situations they find themselves ill prepared. Raising a daughter with difficulties can push an otherwise proud mother into isolation. Isolation from her peer parents. Mothers tend to take their daughters difficulties on as though they have failed. This book gives you a sense of community, a book that allows mothers to feel less isolated.
Congratulations Cheryl, you did it! My own written contribution appears in Chapter 14 titled "Ophelia: With and Without Fathers." Well researched and well written for any/every mother of a daughter.

Ten years later and the stories are still relevant. The mother-daughter relationship is said to be the most complex and complicated of all relationships and can offer the greatest rewards and the most gut wrenching of challenges.

This collection of narratives by moms with "troubled" daughters should definitely be on the bookshelf of every mom with a girl... even if she isn't yet "in trouble." The relationship between mothers and daughters has always been complicated, and you'll find if you search the internet, what Dellasega says about there being no community for women to exchange their experiences is true. There are plenty of places for parents to ask questions and share experiences about toddlers, and pregnancy, but it's like the communities disappear as soon as the real trouble starts.

This book, as well as Dellasega's website, which you can find in the book's notes (which I found out about through an online discussion of her book) try to create a community (both online and off) of moms' and daughters' voices for those who need it, and those who might someday need it. And how will we know we need it, until it's too late? Read this book now...

I can't wait for the next book in the Ophelia series. They have been such a comfort to me during my daughter's pre-adolescence. The stories are frightening because I, like most moms, worry about what direction my girl could be heading when she makes choices I disagree with. At the same time, it's comforting to be reminded that lots of other moms and daughters have come through this difficult time and made the best of whatever it brought them. The stories are so honest and so raw they can be shocking -- but that raw honesty brings with it an integrity that kept me reading and inspired admiration for Ms. Dellasega and for all the daughters & moms who shared their stories in this book.

This book is a must-read for any parent with a challenging teenage daughter. I cried while reading sections of the book, but it helped to reassure me that I am not alone as I watch my daughter stumble along the rocky path between adolescence and adulthood. This is a totally brilliant and much-needed book.

As a therapist who works with adolescents, particularly those who have been labeled "at-risk" for their behaviors and those that have been referred by the judicial system, I found Surviving Ophelia to be a disappointing and frustrating book. I would pick it up in hopes of some insight and then put it back down, frustrated.
While the book is powerful in the sense of solidarity it creates, the knowingness that parents are not alone, I would not suggest it. There were times that it felt more like a rant than a support group, more like listening to an angry teen that had grown up to be a parent of an angry teen than parents who had really educated themselves on how to aid their children.
The perspective Dellasega seems to come from is one that is rooted in the "parent knows best" approach that disqualifies the teens experience. In my experience, the parents I see with this therapy are the least likely to be able to change their relationships with their teens and are the least likely to see their teens develop into successful young adults.
If you are looking for support in knowing that you are not alone and that having a tough teen does not mean that you are a bad parent, then this book might be worth flipping through.
If you are seeking guidance into how to handle your teen, then avoid this book.

This book has been a comfort to me to read other mom's stories and what they've done to make their situations better for themselves and their daughters. It helps to know that other moms have "been there, done that" and survived. I'm glad someone put this book together, because it always helps to know that I'm not alone. This book also opened my mind to other alternatives when the norms aren't working for our daughters. I highly recommend this book to other moms who are struggling with their daughters.

This book was recommended to me by a friend and I am glad I read it. I applaud all the contributors to this book for their bravery and honesty. It is a worthwhile book to read for parents of adolescent/teenage girls.