Customer Reviews

Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage

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3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I've been looking for a book like this for years! As a Christian married to a spiritual skeptic, I've wrestled with all sorts of emotions, pain, and difficulties. Finally, a couple who has actually lived in an "unequally yoked" marriage has written a biblical, practical guidebook for how to deal with the inevitable conflicts that arise in such relationships. This book has it all -- how to get through the arguments and disagreements; how to raise children in a spiritually confusing environment; how to talk to your spouse about God; how to pray for your partner (the book includes a 30-day prayer guide); and so on. It also features chapters on whether Christians should even date non-Christians; what to do if you and your spouse are both Christians but one is less spiritually mature than the other; and how to handle the situation if your spouse is a member of another religion.

I thought the advice was sensitively presented, biblically sound, and resoundingly practical. The authors, Lee and Leslie Stroebel, draw on their own experience of having been married during a time when Leslie was a Christian and Lee was an atheist. While my spouse isn't an atheist, the counsel they offer was totally relevant and useful.

Let me add one other thing. I've been trying at my church to start a group of people who are married to non-Christians, but I've been stymied as far as what resource to use as a curriculum. This book includes a wonderful "application guide" that's a roadmap for a group like this. Now those of us who find ourselves "unequally yoked" can get together and encourage each other while learning together how to survive our mismatched situations.

If you're a Christian but your husband or wife isn't, you MUST have this book. If you know someone who's in that situation, please let them know that this resource can help them in a hundred different ways. And if you're the leader of a church, either a senior pastor or women's ministry director, check out this book and consider starting groups to minister to the Christians in your congregation who are wrestling with the difficulties presented by a spiritual mismatch.

I'm in my own spiritual mismatch in my marriage.
My wife is Jewish and I'm Christian. My beliefs weren't an issue
with our marriage until I re-affirmed my beliefs in Christ a few years ago.
If I mention so much as a desire to go back to church, my wife hems and haws and threatens divorce. I've never pushed my beliefs on my wife, and likewise she with me, but I was concerned about the backlash she unleashes when the subject of God comes up in our household.
I heard Lee and Leslie talking on a radio program about their book and figure I give it a shot.
On the upside much of what Lee and Leslie went through I could identify with, since they themselves went through the same thing. In their case, Leslie is Christian and Lee was Atheist. Many of the fights and situations they described I've gone through to some degree with my wife. The solutions to those problems are of course outstanding, but the Strobels give some tools to the reader in dealing with you and your spouses differing perspectives.
I've used those tools, and they've helped somewhat. Not a total solution, but very helpful in keeping a hot subject from escalating into disaster.
However I felt a bit letdown in the tone of their book since the Strobels have the notion that men, not women, in a majority are seperate from Christ. Thus the reader is addressed that "your husband this..." and "your husband that..."
Well, my problem isn't with "a husband" but with "my wife".
This tone sort of made me felt left out when reading the book. The Strobels acknowledge this oversight, but wouldn't it be better to just address the oversight by being non-gender specific?
Also I had a problem with lack of scripture reference. As I mentioned, the Strobels offer many tools in dealing with spiritual conflict with your partner. The problem is they say God wants you to do this, or something else to please your partner but doesn't give a specific scripture reference which I can follow. The bibliography in the back of the book just references other books, which in turn doesn't do much in satisfying my hopes that I'm acting in a Christian way.
Another problem I had was there were a few sections in the book that addressed Christain people that were seeking relationships with non-Christians. Why mention this at all, since you're buying this book to solve a crisis after the fact?
Its like saying, "Hey dummy, if listened to God to begin with you wouldn't be in this mess."

These chapters have no business being in the book, since the basis of the book is mismatched married couples, not a Christian's guide to dating non-Christians.
Another problem I had was Lee's salvation. I'm very happy for Lee that he let Christ into his life, but the fact of the matter is not every mismatched couple has a resolution like this. The Strobels mention some cases where the non-Christian partner does become saved, but how can you expect to setup your reader for this outcome. Its almost a bit pretencious. I would have liked to have read more about situations that are more closer to home like how does one partner deal with the other partner never coming to Christ? How do you survive that?
The prayer guide in the back of the book is helpful in seeking God's help in these matters of peaceful coexistance of two people who love each other and have different views of life and eternity.
This book is very helpful and I encourage anyone who is going through a mismatch to read it. Great tools in dealing with a big problem.

The first several chapters must have been written from my living room! Leslie's account of the emotions and struggles of a new Christian married to a non-christian, and Lee's own accounts of his confusion and struggles has helped me understand what is going on in my own situation.

I would recommend this book for either person in a spiritually mismatched relationship. This is also a good book for anyone who knows such a couple or is involved in ministry.

Leslie and Lee do an outstanding job of comforting, encouraging, motivating, and giving sound Biblical advice to those in an "unequally yoked" marriage. Chapter after chapter gives essential advice and encouragement from a couple who have gone through it themselves and have come out of the experience all the stronger for it. The one piece of advice that helped me more than anything was to give up my guilt and responsibility for my part in my wife's unbelief. Her salvation is between God and her, they say, so love her unconditionally and stop feeling responsible. Chapter after chapter contains great advice for changing your own attitudes, developing an attractive faith, standing firm when necessary, avoiding arguments when unnecessary, providing spiritual input for your children, etc, etc. The Christian spouse is constantly motivated to give up his/her gloominess and thrive in the situation, with God's help living out an authentic faith and a sacrificial love that very well could win over the unbelieving spouse. You would do well to read this book slowly and prayerfully, then make a list of all the suggestions you can try in your marriage.

Of course, none of these things are the solution to the problem. After all, only God can bring someone to faith in Christ and create peace in a home. And as Lee and Leslie state many times, there is no guarantee that it will happen. My wife still doesn't have an active faith, but is now much less resistant to mine ever since I started serious prayer for her and have put some of these suggestions into effect.

Some minor quibbles: 1) Prayer should be emphasized more. There is a chapter on it, but considering how essential it is, there probably should have been more. 2) Although the book is written for both men and women and often uses the term "spouse", everywhere else (including the picture on the front and back covers and every page in between) it assumes that the husband is the unbeliever. I suppose that now I know how women feel when a book constantly says he instead of he/she. 3) Relevant verses that are directed to husbands (Eph 5:25, Col 3:19, etc) aren't discussed, whereas verses directed at women are. Don't let this stop you from getting this book - you'll need it.

I picked up Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage, at the local Christian bookstore. I figured with Lee Strobel writing it, it would have to be well written with lots of information. Leslie, Lee's wife was a Christian for a couple of years before Lee. This book is written from that perspective. Lee tells all about how he felt when Leslie was trying to get him into church.

This book gives me hope. It is honest and upfront. It tells you that not all spiritual mismatches last only 2 years. Some spouses have been spiritually mismatched for 25+ years. Some have sadly seen the unsaved spouse pass before accepting Christ. However, this book gives advice on how to handle the many differences in ways that should not add more stress to an already stressful situation.

While most of the book is about being married to an unbeliever, there is a section for Christian couples who are out of sync. One spouse is more spiritually mature than the other, and the one that is not as mature seems to be not growing at all. They give many helpful tips on how to deal with this situation, as well.

I highlight in books. I mark things so I can find them easier. I have to tell you, a big part of this book is highlighted. It is wonderful. I have gotten so much out of this book, that I will be able to in turn help others through these situations. I would recommend this book for anyone in a spiritual mismatch or out of sync, spiritually, with their spouse.

There is a wealth of information in this book. I want to run my highlighter through most of the pages because there is so much valuable insight! If you are a Christian and your wife is not or vice versa...GET THIS! Lee Strobel was an atheist. Leslie Strobel became a Christian. Two worlds collided. Find out what is going on in each of these two worlds and how you can bring them together. This is one book that I'll probably start reading all over again as soon as I finish with it this time around!

Surviving A Spiritual Mismatch In Marriage by Lee and Leslie Strobel is the candid and revealing story of one married couple's journey together despite conflicting beliefs. When Leslie Strobel made the decision to become a devout follower of Jesus, her nonbeliever husband had severe opposition. They conflicted on a vast array of central issues to married life, from finances to the raising of their children. Learning to accept their differences and make their marriage work was a long and hard road, and now they present readers everywhere their life experiences for the purpose of helping others going through the same problems of adjustment to cope and reconcile one another's differences. Surviving A Spiritual Mismatch In Marriage is unique and highly recommended reading.

This book gave me a new perspective on the challenges I am currently facing. It was a breath of fresh air when we can deal with difficult personal matters with such honesty. The book brought clarity to my life and has helped me to adjust my thinking and attitudes towards my husband. Love it.

This book gave MANY good tips or pieces of advice! It's also encouraging to read about an unsaved husband that became saved...gives me hope that someday, God willing, my husband will be saved! This is one of my favorite books about being married to an unbeliever!

Excellent advice, & wise. I'm a Muslim, not a Christian, but I still found the book to be applicable and useful.

However, the latter section on how to avoid dating non-Christians seems out of place -- after all, the book is targeted at those already married, who want to make their marriage work. What is one to do with the last couple of chapters except advise one's single friends?