Customer Reviews

Survivor Moms: Women's Stories of Birthing, Mothering and Healing after Sexual Abuse

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Conceiving, bearing, and raising a child are amazing miracles and provide countless gifts to parents. However, these momentuous events and changes can be enormously challenging for many of us.

This book touches specifically on the challenges faced by moms who have been the victims of -- or rather, are now survivors of -- sexual abuse. The very nature of pregnancy, birth, and parenting can raise long-buried demons or even exacerbate ones that are actively being dealt with.

As a survivor mom, I was so relieved to find that this book even existed -- there is precious little written about this subject. Some of my experiences with care providers during my first pregnancy -- and experiences during and after childbirth -- had left me feeling unheard, violated, and/or emotionally upset.

This book was reassurance that I was not alone, that my experiences and feelings were "normal," and that I had a right to be treated gently and respectfully during pregnancy, childbirth and beyond. It has also been an amazing source of strength for me as I read other womens' stories, learn about ways to cope with the issues brought on by the abuse I experienced, and as I use my ever-stronger resolve to be in a much stronger, healthier, aware place during my second pregnancy and birth.

Sexual abuse affects a woman's entire life. Survivor Moms: Women's Stories of Birthing, Mothering and Healing after Sexual Abuse forges into areas that are in early stages of research: how the effects of abuse trauma and posttraumatic stress affect women who are bearing children, parenting, and health issues that center around healing from sexual abuse. It moves us solidly ahead in both understanding and providing support for the difficult healing journey that sexually abused women travel.

The intent of Survivor Moms is two-fold: to be a resource for healing abused women and to assist professionals who work with these women. Authors Mickey Sperlich and Julia Seng acknowledge the issues are intense and reading the book may be difficult. They present the material in three separate, but simultaneous ways. As the authors' text flows, the women's stories are interjected and italicized, while supportive resources are enclosed in side bars. This provides easy visual access to the information the reader seeks. For example, a survivor might choose to simply read other survivor's stories in order to validate her own experiences. A therapist may lean toward the narrative and resource references.

Pregnancy, labor and birth, postpartum and breastfeeding, mothering and attachment, and healing and survivorship are examined covered. Here is an excerpt from Chapter One: Life Before Mothering. It opens with Kay's story:

"So here I am. Pregnant with another boy. This will be our third. I never thought that I would be the mother to little boys. When I was younger, whenever I pictured myself with kids, I always pictured girls. Perhaps it was because it was familiar to me because, being a girl myself, I could relate and understand what it was like to be a female. Well, at least that's what I tell myself.

From infancy to my early teenage years I was sexually abused by a man. Namely, my father. I can remember being terrified by any male, very early on, because I knew what they were capable of doing to me..."

Survivor Moms brims with courage, wisdom, and honesty. The book concludes by stating that more research is needed. Sperlich and Seng have been intimately involved with survivors through their midwifery practices and have heard their stories. Sperlich tells us, "...many accounts address how pregnancy and birth were affected, but overall, the message of these stories is that abuse, and the reactions women have to abuse, affect the whole life of the mother, from thinking about having children all the way to being a grandmother, and that the effects are far-reaching and deeply felt."

by Mary Jo Doig
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

Survivor Moms is an excellent book for all mothers or mothers-to-be who were themselves abused as a child. For many survivors, it is not until a life-changing event occurs, such as having a child, do they look back at what happened to them and how it has affected their lives. Child sexual abuse impacts every aspect of a survivor's development: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sexually. Naturally, a woman about to begin her own journey with bringing a child into the world, will want to understand how her own abuse may impact the life of the child she is about to deliver. This book provides in-depth discussions about many issues that are usually dealt with in therapy. It also highlights individual survivor stories which describe a lot of the internal struggles mothers have to grapple with to deal with their past on the eve of a new journey. I would highly recommend Survivor Moms as both an adjunct to their therapy as well as hearing what other women have said who have dealt with the same issues.

Survivor Moms is one of the most relevant and useful books about maternity that I have read in the last few years. As a homebith midwife I work with many women who are post-traumatic and this book has become invaluable to me. As an educator of midwives and doulas I use this book as a reference when I teach about the healing power of birth. It brings forth the lives of women who have survived abuse in a very real and tangible manner and opens up to the caregiver a world of understanding. From this vantage point, the opportunities for healing become more visible and attainable. Women who are post-traumatic deserve excellent care, and those who want to provide it have much to gain by reading this book. Survivor Moms should be required reading for everyone who works with women before, during and after birth who wants to become a part of the healing process.

There are no words to describe how powerful and important this book is. I am a doula and childbirth educator who started off working with pregnant women only half-cognizant of how past abuse could influence labor, birth, bonding, and parenting. A few scary experiences as a doula for women with obvious histories of sexual abuse made me realize that I had to learn more or risk being a part of the problem. What I love about this book is that it meets women wherever they are in their recovery journey. For some women, the idea of giving birth is so triggering that they want to be numb for the whole experience to feel safe -- even going as far as wanting an elective C-Section. For other women, giving birth naturally --without medical intervention and without handing control over to medical "authorities" -- is the key to feeling in control of their bodies and regaining a sense of power. Indeed, the most powerful sections of the book are when Seng and Sperlich quote women who have given birth naturally and who say that their birth experience has helped them heal. This idea, that an empowered birth could help women heal from past pain, is so inspiring that I wish all women who have ever been abused could find this book before giving birth. As a doula, I now suggest this book to all my clients, whether they reveal a history of abuse to me or not, just in case it applies to them.