Survivor's Guide to Grief: Meeting It, Managing It, Mastering It by Patricia Luce Chapman (2008) Grief is both astonishing and paralyzing. When we suddenly and unexpectedly lose a loved one, we feel pain physically, emotionally and mentally. The shock can be so severe that we are almost unable to function. In a vividly written narrative based on first-hand experience, newly bereaved survivors are led to meet, manage, and master their experience of sudden grief. Interspersed with helpful illustrations and even humor, the book contains practical information about how to navigate through the first year of loss, right down to estate administration and taxes. Special contributors include a medical doctor, a mother whose children committed suicide, a renowned grief therapist, and a terminal care nurse. Although survival without our loved ones may seem impossible, in the end we learn to be like a starfish and grow new legs .
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Editorial Reviews
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"...an accomplished author...shares her personal journey so well that the reader feels like a close friend and observer...in a manner that will be understandable to the person paralyzed by grief. Should be included in personal libraries...[and be] required reading for medical providers." --Pat Mason, LMSW, RN, 2008 Social Worker of the Year, Texas/New Mexico
"...[this] may not sound like the best bedside reading, but you will change your mind when you turn to the first page of this charming personal account of Pat Chapman's own experience in grieving the death of her husband and in adjusting to...widowhood...a page-turner for anyone who ever endured a loved one's death." --Helen Fitzgerald, Author of "The Grieving Child," "The Mourning Handbook," and "The Grieving Teen." Training Director (ret.), American Hospice Foundation.
"...[this] may not sound like the best bedside reading, but you will change your mind when you turn to the first page of this charming personal account of Pat Chapman's own experience in grieving the death of her husband and in adjusting to...widowhood...a page-turner for anyone who ever endured a loved one's death." --Helen Fitzgerald, Author of "The Grieving Child," "The Mourning Handbook," and "The Grieving Teen." Training Director (ret.), American Hospice Foundation.
About the Author
Patricia Luce Chapman grew up in China with her American parents, who moved to the U.S. when she was twelve. After attending Bryn Mawr and Columbia Teachers College, she married into the Luce publishing family. The author has been the top executive at several non-profit educational organizations and is an accomplished songwriter, playwright, and actress. Ms Chapman has written for the Washington Times, Christian Science Monitor, and Associated Press. In 2006, she published the story of her friendship with art authority Bernard Berenson. Her second book, Survivor's Guide to Grief, helps those who have suddenly and unexpectedly lost a loved one. The author moved to the Texas Gulf Coast in 2003.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
How to Survive the Death of a Loved One,
This review is from: Survivor's Guide to Grief (Perfect Paperback)
Patricia Luce Chapman's husband died four days after being told by his doctor he was "coming along just fine." "After his death," Chapman writes, "I found I was making decisions based on relative ignorance, at a time when my whole life had fallen apart and my brain wasn't working very well. I needed a simple, uncomplicated explanation of what was happening to me and what I should be doing."
In Survivor's Guide to Grief: Be Like a Starfish and Grow New Legs, Chapman attempts "to lessen the extreme difficulty for survivors at the sudden passing of a loved one and to help them rebuild a new life." The first three chapters of the guide concern the days before and the weeks and months after Brewster Chapman's death. Chapman discusses how family and friends can care for the survivor and help handle necessary activities immediately following the death, such as preparing appropriate meals, cleaning up the house, planning the funeral or memorial service, and notifying people. She discusses what is involved in administering an estate and filing tax returns. She also describes the many forms grief can take and the "marathon emotional trampoline" the survivor experiences. In the fourth chapter, "Growing New Legs," Chapman explains how the survivor can start to build a new life even while working through the grief that is a constant companion. An appendix comprises brief articles by medical professionals, other survivors (a mother and a widower), a death educator, and Chapman herself. The advice Chapman offers is specific and practical, and formatting aids the reader in locating information. For example, the documents necessary for administration of an estate and preparation of tax records, the steps in writing an obituary, and things to consider in maintaining a grave are listed in bold font. It is clear, however, that everything she shares is rooted in experience. For example, in the section on administration of the estate, titled "Lunacy 101," she begins, "There is no adequate way to describe the paperwork." She also describes her worry and frustration over finances during the weeks when bills, but no money, came in, and tells of her difficult first visit to her husband's grave. Chapman's book contains as much information for caregivers, friends, and family as for survivors. An interview with Christopher Lucci, M.D., which appears in the appendix, describes the changes in vital signs that precede death, information her husband's doctors withheld from her while he was dying. An article written by a registered nurse lists information caregivers and family should be able to get from doctors, nurses, hospitals, and other resources. A third article, by Chapman herself, details exactly what family and friends should do and say (and what they should not say) to aid the survivor. In the preface, Chapman writes that her book grew out of notes she made while negotiating the unfamiliar world of widowhood. The "occasionally erratic" sequence of events in the book, she says, reflects their sequence in real life. The book appears to have been self-published, and this shows in format and production values. It also appears that the book was edited by a member of Chapman's family, and I wonder whether an editor less personally involved might at times have wielded a heavier hand. These issues, however, do not detract significantly from the book's value. One of the blurbs on the back of Survivor's Guide to Grief refers to it as "a charming personal account" of Chapman's experience with death and its aftermath. I did not find it charming. Rather, I found it in turn blunt, angry, bitter, regretful, darkly humorous--in other words, inconveniently honest--about an experience the author didn't want but couldn't escape. The book made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of emotions I felt while taking care of my mother for the ten years before her death and told me things I wish I'd known then. It reminded me of topics my husband and I need to talk about. It reminded me that I might outlive my husband. In fact, I caught myself deliberately (and ironically) skimming over certain paragraphs because they contain information I might someday need. But even though parts of the book can be difficult to read, Chapman writes in the spirit of hope. In the last chapter, describing her new life as a writer, songwriter, and businesswoman, she assures other survivors that they, too, can "build a bridge across the chaos, leaving acute grief behind and leading toward a rebuilt life filled with joy and purpose." Survivor's Guide to Grief is not a perfect book, but it is a valuable one. It should be read now--before it is needed. by Kathy Waller for Story Circle Book Reviews reviewing books by, for, and about women
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A guide to dealing with the flood of emotions that is grief,
By Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Survivor's Guide to Grief (Perfect Paperback)
Grief doesn't have to overwhelm one's life. "Survivor's Guide to Grief: Meeting It, Managing It, Mastering It" is a guide to dealing with the flood of emotions that is grief. A therapeutic guide, it will walk readers through the stages of loss and teach them to overcome the feelings and turn the energy that depresses them into the energy that drives them on, honoring the memory of their lost loved ones. "Survivor's Guide to Grief" is a solid gift to anyone who is coping with a recent and crushing loss.
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