The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse [Paperback]

Staci Haines (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 28, 1999

Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivor's Guide to Sex offers an affirming, sex-positive approach to recovery from incest and rape. While most books on the topic broach sexuality only to reassure women that it is alright to say "no" to unwanted sex, this one encourages women to learn how to say "yes" to their own desires and on their own terms.
Points of discussion include problems common to women survivors. Haines teaches survivors to embrace their own sexual choices and preferences, learn about their own sexual response cycles, and heal through masturbation, sexual fantasy, and play. The Survivor's Guide to Sex includes resources, bibliography, and an index.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sex-positive and daring, The Survivor's Guide to Sex will support any woman's pursuit of pleasure and confidence. In fact, its cheery outlook may startle those who have been addressing these issues in guarded terms with a therapist, or who haven't put their fears and desires into words. Haines ably discusses common negative reactions among survivors, such as withdrawal and dissociation, and suggests ways to move on. Her chapters on "Sexual Response and Anatomy" and "Masturbation and Self-Healing" may come as a revelation to women who have repressed their sexual feelings, and partners, too, will find much of interest. Some survivors of abuse may not be ready, perhaps, for the advanced course in radical sex that Haines eventually launches into, but it is still good to learn that "a suede whip will give more of a thud that spreads sensation at first; it will give more sting as it collects body oils." --Regina Marler

From the Back Cover

"What a terrific book! Every survivor needs this encouraging, down-to-earth guide-and the joy of freely-chosen, healthy sexual pleasure."-Ellen Bass, co-author, The Courage to Heal: Move over abuse, and move in pleasure! The Survivor's Guide to Sex is for all women-heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, partnered and single-who want to delight in their own sexuality. Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivors Guide to Sex offers a complete guide to sexual recovery: Pleasure and Desire- How to discover and fully own your desires on your own terms. Nonjudgmental support for all sexual styles and interests.Dissociation- Discover how you "checked out" to survive and how you can "check in" now for healing and your own sexual expression. Embodied Sex- No more grocery lists and wrestling matches with relics of the past! Learn how to be in your body during sex, present for yourself and your partners.Consent and Boundaries- The "yes," "no," and "maybe" of sex. How to say "yes" to your desires and develop boundaries to take care of yourself. Triggers- A sex life built around triggers becomes no sex life at all. Practical tools for healing through triggers while enjoying all the delights and complexities of a fully-embodied sex life. Sex Information- Chock full of sex-positive information on all aspects of sexual response, masturbation, and partner sex, tailored to the needs of survivors.

Product Details

• Paperback: 300 pages
• Publisher: Cleis Press (May 28, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1573440795
• ISBN-13: 978-1573440790
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 7.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #139,752 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #30 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Health

More About the Author

Staci K. Haines is a national leader in the field of Somatics, specializing in healing individual and systemic trauma and bringing somatics to social justice movements. She is a senior teacher at Strozzi Institute and a Master Somatic Coach. She is a co-founder of generation FIVE, a national organization whose mission is to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations, transitioning from Director to the board in 2007. She has been organizing and educating in the area of child sexual abuse since 1985 and has long term involvement in the sexual assault, racial justice, and environmental sustainability movements and the work to intersect these agendas. She is the author of the book Healing Sex (Cleis 1999, 2007), and the DVD Healing Sex (SIR Productions 2005) both offering a mind/body approach to healing from sexual trauma and developing vital intimate relationships. She recently co-authored chapters in The Courage to Heal 20th year anniversary edition (Harper Collins 2008). She is the originator of Somatics and Trauma and leads courses teaching community activists, social justice leaders, and healing practitioners to mend the impact of individual and systemic trauma. In 2009, Staci and a core group of movement leaders launched the Somatics and Social Justice Collaborative, a year long process to develop a change model integrating personal and social transformation, and informed by somatics. Staci is committed to the intersection of personal healing and social justice work, and sees that both have to be addressed to bring the change and justice we desire in the world.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

58 of 58 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars amazing, revelatory, empowering, December 1, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse (Paperback)

as a survivor of rape and sexual abuse, i have read a bunch of books on the aftereffects of assault, being a survivor, et cetera, but most of the stuff out there is pretty dry and basic and i just didn't find it very helpful. this book is direct, incredibly right-on, it gives you hands on techniques for staying present in your body, it includes an amazing discussion of triggering. it also uses down to earth language and is not too self-help-y, and it acknowledges that certain terms might be alienating and medicalizing for some people.
FYI: although it is targetted at female survivors of child sexual abuse, i myself am not a woman, and the sexual assault/abuse i experienced occured during my teenage years, not my childhood. i still found the book very useful. there is also a great chapter aimed at partners of survivors.

59 of 60 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I've been waiting for someone to write a book like this, March 16, 2001

By 

Terry Farrah (Denver, CO USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse (Paperback)

For the past eight years, I have been slowly, painstakingly discovering for myself many of the techniques that Staci Haines details in this book. As far as I am aware, I am not a survivor of child sexual abuse, but I have many of the same difficulties - lack of trust, unclear boundaries, easily triggered, difficulty being sexually present.

I looked at books on recovery; they seemed only to tell me that it was OK to not have sex. I looked at TONS of books on sex and none addressed my difficulties - until The Survivor's Guide to Sex. I can say from my own experience that it's not easy to put Staci's suggestions into practice, nor do the rewards necessarily come quickly. But for some of us, this is the only way we're going to reclaim our sexuality.

I highly recommend this book if you feel numb, shut-down, or angry during sex, whether or not you are a "survivor". Chances are you have some deep healing work to do, and this book is the only guide I've seen for doing it.

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I have been waiting for this book for years!!, December 9, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse (Paperback)

When I first found this book I was hoping it would be different, as a healing survior I have read alot of help books, and although comforting, they usually told me why I had the problems I did but didnt give me much advice on how to start living and having fun again in life, this book was amazing at that, it was what I had been looking to read since I started wanting to heal!! It would be a great book for anyone wanting good sexual information in a society that dosnt offer that much, I found it straight forward and honest and funny ..great book!! I loooved it!!:)