Customer Reviews

The Sweet By and By: A Novel

5 star:		(64)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I was initially drawn to this story because we placed my mother-in-law in a nursing home a few months ago after almost 20 years of living with us. I got MUCH more out of it than just a good story--more on that in a minute.

I really liked the style Todd Johnson used--first-person narrative of four main characters. He was able to show such different viewpoints of the same circumstances, e.g. life in a nursing home. The books spans quite a passage of time, but it's done so in a way that you don't miss all the details in-between; you simply adjust to the point in time where the story is being told and the changes that have occurred. He quietly conveys the slow decline of Margaret, the aging of Lorraine, the maturing of April, the personal growth of Rhonda--as well as the impact Bernice has on all of them. I appreciated how you could get a clear image of Ada by putting together each of the four characters' impressions of her! I learned to love these women as they showed compassion, patience, and kindness to those they befriended and waited on.

".....But as Mama always says, 'I don't care who you are, Sick and Old are comin
to see you whether you invite em or not."

On the deeper level, Todd Johnson is able to bring such a sensitive perspective of the journey we all will go on as we travel down the road of life--dependency on our parents..... independence.....dependency on our children and caregivers. We ALL want to be treated with dignity and kindness; if we live long enough, we will all change roles from caregiver to the person needing care; and as that happens, it is as frustrating for the receiver of that assistance as it can be for the giver (no ones wants to depend on someone else to do everything for them).

As I visit Mom almost daily, this book has made me acutely aware that she may be thinking about so much more than she shares--her past, present, and future all parade through her thoughts in her many waking hours as well as her dreams. This book helped me to be more sensitive to her needs and those around her, caregivers as well as other residents.

Truly loved the book, and as another reviewer stated, kept forgetting a man wrote it because he so vividly captured the essence of these women. A great read!!!!

Thanks to former "critics", and to the author for a life-changing look into aging, nursing homes, and life beyond youth. My 100 year old grandmother recently landed in a care home with a broken back, a kidney infection, advanced arthritis, and is now legally blind. She has, as she puts it, "all her marbles", and after nearly half her life independant (and having lived in Africa as a dorm mother for 6 years), this has been a terrible adjustment. She's moving to a better care home in our town this week. I ordered the book because it's where I'm living right now. In the moment. As I type, her clothes are in the wash for the move.

It has been a troubling, heart-wrenching journey. This past weekend we visited her former apartment, where she'd lived for more than three decades, to gather the clothes and things for her new life in the care home in my town. What does this have to do with the book?

I have a new understanding of what some of her feelings might be. Through Margaret and Lorraine, I have an idea of how to "be" when I am with her, which can be more frequently now that she'll be close. I understand the importance of dignity, and the indignities of growing old. I have already spoon fed her at times, but now will be more mindful and thankful when doing so. And I'm shopping for some new clothes for her. Looking good still matters to many women, regardless of age.

Many of us didn't have a Lorraine in our lives. We may have known a few Margarets or Bernices. Some of us are Anns, and some are Aprils, and a few are Rhondas of the world. Some may even be Connie's or Atheas. Some might be Clayton's wife... or Alvin, or Clayton, or Mike or whomever. What this book taught me is whether or not your're one of the above, there is a process.

As I read, I smiled, laughed, and--yes--cried. That's the mark of a powerful novel in my experience. One that you read into the wee hours of the morning, until your eyes burn and will no longer cooperate. A novel you then dream about and finish reading when you wake up.

My favorite line in the book (I won't hint or tell, find it!): "If you ever want to feel full in this life, you're gon have to ask if you might be made for somethin bigger than yourself. And when you can answer that, the only other question is what are you gon do about it."

I'm buying more copies of this novel to leave with staff at the care center my grandmother is moving to in town. I'm not parting with my own copy. And I hope to always carry this particular story with me. Thank you again to Mr. Johnson, to former reviewers, and to Amazon.

I stayed up nearly all night reading this novel-- I cared so much about the characters that I really wanted to know what would happen next in their lives. When a snowstorm closed the office yesterday I read all day. At the end of the book I cried the best kind of reader's tears. This is a moving, very funny, and very wise book.

As one of the main characters says, "Life is choosing whom and what you love"-- this book explores that idea through the interconnected lives of five women. The story unfolds as a series of vignettes, each told in the "first person" voice of one of the main characters. All of these women are imperfect human beings, flawed and endearing in their own ways. Two live in a nursing home, trying to cope with the corresponding loneliness, loss of freedom, somewhat grim surroundings, and the inevitability of becoming sicker, weaker, and less in control of their own lives. The other three main characters are younger women who interact with the elderly characters. In this somewhat unlikely setting, the author unfolds a book about love through the end of life.

Elderly Margaret Clayton is much loved by her daughter Ann who visits nearly every day, but essentially she faces life with the support of the nurse who cares for her. Margaret feels very much like a real person to the reader, full of spirit and biting humor as she copes with all of the challenges and indignities of aging in a typical institution. The stark realities of aging and the discouragement she experiences are counterbalanced by her kind heart and capacity to love. We come to understand Margaret as a person who is still growing and facing new challenges through the final years of her life, even as her body and mind deteriorate.

Margaret's friend in the nursing home is Bernice Stokes. Bernice does not have the same resources for coping as Margaret-- her loving son has died, and the remaining son and his wife appear to have little love or compassion for her. Bernice has a fragile, childlike mental state--- she has retreated into a life that is largely fantasy, including an extreme attachment to stuffed toys. Yet she has a devilish sense of fun-- Margaret relies upon her not only for physical support but also for the emotional energy and inspiration to face each day (and occasionally break the rules/feel just a little bit more in control of her own life). Bernice relies heavily upon Margaret's understanding and kindness, when few others understand or care for her.

Lorraine is the licensed practical nurse who takes care of Margaret and Bernice. Over the course of their many years together Lorraine and Margaret develop a deep and intimate friendship. Lorraine's story unfolds through stories of her faith, friends and family, and through her thoughts as she tries to care for her patients at the nursing home. In describing the relationship between Lorraine and Margaret the author has written a profoundly successful description of real love and compassion between the very old and those who care for them.

The voice of Lorraine's daughter, April, focuses upon another sort of growth and love. Their mother-daughter relationship, full of hope, gratitude, and understanding, is one to admire and perhaps to learn from. April's observations of her mother add greatly to the reader's sense that these are real people that we care about very much.

The final character who adds her thoughts to the story is Rhonda, a local cosmetologist who "does hair" in the nursing home beauty parlor (a room with mismatched chairs and dryers, where 30 seniors may line up for care on Sundays). We learn that Rhonda's life has not been an easy one, and that she has taken on the nursing home work solely in order to save money to set up her own salon. It seems that she may not be well suited to work with the nursing home population... and then things begin to shift and change. The relationship she develops with Margaret and Bernice becomes an important part of who she is.

When I started this book, over the first several pages I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I'm so glad I read on. This book changed some of my thinking about growing old-- it was heartwarming, scary, touching, and beautiful.

This is the sort of book you want to thank the author for writing. Todd Johnson's compassion and wisdom, the love that infuses his writing, and his understanding of other people's hearts have made him one of my new favorite authors.

This book was heralded as Steel Magnolias meets Fried Green Tomatoes, which I thought was right on the money. I've seen Steel Magnolias a bunch of times and love it. This book had the same southern feel and reminded me of the saying, "You'll laugh, you'll cry," since I did both when reading it.

It is difficult to believe this book was written by a man. It was written first person in four different women's voices and is so well done that I was astounded. The southern-style speech took some getting used to, as I was born a Yankee, but gave a wonderful flavor to the pages. I noticed that the most educated of the women had significantly better grammar than the others as well. Very well done!

I'd say the main theme of this book was caring. The characters care for each other, especially those who need it most (Bernice) and either love or grow to love each other. We learn so much about each woman and her past that they become like friends.

Setting the story mostly in the nursing home was brave and what made the book so unusual for me. The author has an incredible grasp on the indignity and frustration of aging, but surrounded it in so much caring that it's bearable to read. When Margaret slipped in and out of reality, I could see just what she saw and felt her frustration almost in a tangible way.

There was no huge conflict to be solved like most of the fiction I read, yet the story ended well and was satisfying. That's all I'll say so as not to spoil anything for you.

I highly recommend this book. It certainly makes one more appreciative of and compassionate towards their aging elders.

Since Todd Johnson, author of this debut novel, has worked with Oprah Winfrey, and since this book screams "Oprah's Book Club," don't be surprised if he gets her endorsement (which is worth a lot --- just ask Barack). This novel, with its emphasis on ordinary lives, dignity, friendship and the power of women, is classic Oprah. It also deals with the "only two unforgivable sins" in America, which are, as smart doctor-in-training April says, "sickness and aging."

Wisecracking and iron-willed Margaret Clayton and childlike Bernice Stokes, who seems to have a bit of dementia, would agree. Bernice, who never gets a viewpoint chapter to herself, is portrayed through the eyes of Margaret, April's mother and the nurse for Bernice and Margaret, as well as hairdresser Rhonda. Rhonda, as a younger person, first hates the idea of doing hair for the residents of the nursing home where Margaret and Bernice live. However, Rhonda pays attention to the older women, as does Lorraine, and soon develops an unshakable bond with them, especially with Bernice. The other characters in the book treat Bernice as a crazy oddity because she likes to carry around a ratty dirty stuffed monkey. Some forms of mental illness or eccentricity aren't tolerated in our society, as Johnson skillfully portrays.

Not having Bernice speak for herself (except through old letters) is at times frustrating, but no one does mental illness and death as well as William Faulkner. In any case, although Lorraine has unwavering faith and heart of gold, April provides the youthful perspective, Margaret is a sharp-tongued survivor, and Rhonda reveals her wounded heart and her hopes for redemption, Bernice steals every scene she's in.

"Attention must be paid," Linda Loman says in "Death of a Salesman," and Johnson makes the point, most specifically through Lorraine and Rhonda, that we're at our most beautiful when giving the forgotten and invisible people of society as well as the ones who need to be awakened to the beauty of their dreams. As Lorraine notes, "I don't care who you are, Sick and Old are comin to see you whether you invite em or not." However, aging and sickness manage to be funny and poignant in this novel without succumbing to maudlin three-hanky prose.

The novel takes a while to unfold, deliberately slow as a lazy afternoon, but this is not a fast ride, it's a character study. It's strictly chick lit (despite a male author and a few sympathetic male characters), so it's note for every reading taste, but it's worth the read.

Dear Mr. Johnson:

My wife and I are big readers and neither of us can remember reading a more beautiful novel than THE SWEET BY AND BY. Pitch perfect, letter perfect. Just an absolute gem, and we wanted to thank you.

My sister Mary is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's and I thought this might be depressing to read, but it is anything but. We are going to send multiple copies around to friends, including several to my sister's nursing home for those who still can and like to read.

Thank you again for creating such a wonderful book. We look forward to reading other works by you.

Best regards,

Jerry and Brigitte Lavey

I have to admit that when I first started to read this book I was a bit confused as to the structure and what exactly was going on with the story. After the first couple of chapters I realized that this was a version of good ol' Southern storytelling. There isn't really a plot, per se...but instead a glimpse into the lives of five women whose paths have crossed because of a nursing home. Two women work in the nursing home and two women live in the nursing home. Each woman gets the opportunity to tell their story in alternating chapters. I found the cadence of their speech to be pleasing and soothing. I couldn't help but compare their way of talking to my own Grandpa Bill Brown's. When he got into story mode about growing up in Kentucky, we would all stop, drop, and listen. What I really took away from this book is that no matter your age or situation in life, you still have something to contribute. I learned this lesson firsthand when I worked in a nursing home during my teen years. I worked as fast as I could so that I could get down to the "smoking room" to visit with two of my favorite residents. Their stories were great and gave me a glimpse as to who they were as young adults. Directions for reading: grab a comfortable rocker on the front porch, pour a glass of lemonade, put up a do not disturb sign and immerse yourself in the sweet goodness of southern writing.

Recently, a music ensemble in which I participate accepted an invitation to perform at a local nursing home during the December holidays. Although many of our members enjoyed the opportunity to connect with its residents over music, others privately confessed a reluctance to do so, saying that nursing homes make them emotionally uncomfortable. In his first novel, THE SWEET BY AND BY, Todd Johnson sheds some light on why all of us might feel that unease from time to time, while also arguing passionately for maintaining ongoing connections to our society's oldest members, even when we can't see that what we do makes a difference.

THE SWEET BY AND BY takes place primarily in the halls and rooms of a North Carolina nursing home. At the center of the novel are two of its residents, Margaret Clayton and Bernice Stokes. Margaret is still totally lucid, at times much to the dismay of the home's nurses and administrators, as well as the less-than-perfect families of other residents. She has a tendency to be bossy and self-righteous, but she also cares deeply about the people in her life. Bernice is one of those people, even though she couldn't be less like Margaret. Bernice is unfailingly optimistic, perhaps because she's lost her grip on reality most of the time. Her constant companion is a stuffed monkey she's named Mister Benny. Margaret and Bernice form a surprisingly close duo, navigating together the sometimes confusing waters of old age.

The two old women are also cared for by others, especially Lorraine, the African American LPN who sincerely cares about them and remains dedicated to preserving the humanity and dignity of all her patients. Both Bernice and Margaret also become close to Rhonda, the young woman who does hair in the nursing home's beauty salon one day a week, a scheduled event that inevitably becomes the high point of the residents' week. Rhonda has her own reasons for taking the job in the first place, but she finds herself drawn into the residents' circle almost in spite of herself. "Those two old women have gotten up under my skin," she notes, and her sentiment is not meant unkindly.

Lorraine, Rhonda and Margaret, as well as Lorraine's daughter April, a medical student, tell their stories in alternating chapters. Johnson skillfully distinguishes the separate voices through the use of a natural-seeming Southern dialect and other cues. At times, the chapters dovetail into one another; more often, each chapter stands alone much like a short story, describing a single anecdote or incident.

Johnson's careful connection of these moments to significant events --- weddings, graduations, holidays --- conveys the passage of time. This consistent, deliberate attention to time, as well as the privileging of character and theme over plot, helps the entire novel's mood reflect the experience of being in a closed, mostly eventless environment like a nursing home. In powerful scenes and quiet moments alike, Johnson urges readers, especially those who might be inclined to forget about or avoid the elderly in real life, to remember that they exist and to wonder what we owe them --- and what they can still offer us.

--- Reviewed by Norah Piehl

It is only July but I believe that I have just finished what could be the best novel that I will read this year. This book is The Sweet By and By by Todd Johnson. The Sweet By and By is one of those rare books that will touch your heart and leave you thinking about it long after you're done.

The primary locale of Johnson's book is the Ridgecrest Nursing Home in eastern North Carolina. Each chapter is written through the eyes of one of four women--Lorraine, Margaret, Rhonda and April. These four, along with Bernice (who does not have a voice as she suffers from dementia--although she sometimes makes the most sense), forge a fast friendship that transcends race, age, fortune, and past experiences. All have scars from their past and Rhonda, especially, has been taught that she is not worthy of love or happiness. But they all bring joy to each other, and as Bernice says, "Life is choosing whom and what you love. Everything else follows."

In The Sweet By and By, Todd Johnson does everything well. You will laugh at the antics of sassy Margaret and sweet Bernice, two residents who aren't afraid to challenge the status quo. You will delight in the sage wisdom of LPN Lorraine, who seems wise beyond her years. And your heart will melt when Rhonda (a hair-stylist) learns to believe in herself. But where Johnson truly excels is in his beautiful prose that often reads like poetry. When I read a book, I keep a list of quotes that touch me in some way. After reading The Sweet By and By, I had pages of them. I am hard pressed to give just a few examples. When Lorraine is describing her parents' separation, she says "That day I would learn that you don't always leave people because you hate them, but instead because you cannot bear the burden of them. The agony of my daddy's living was my mother's slow dying, and she was not ready to die." Or when Margaret describes her marriage, "My husband was a good man. I did not love him, but he was good. I reckon I was waiting for a real valentine, and what I found was Charles Clayton...My heart never changed, but it did soften, with time, and I found some room for him in it that I didn't know I had." Lorraine's daughter April, watches her mother and her son together and thinks "Watching them, I could believe in life, and God, seeing in them that age could be fashioned into a gold crown in the hands of love. And I could be assured that my mother's wonder had rooted itself in me, so deeply that I would feel her presence always, in the dignity she bestowed as carelessly as rainwater or falling stars."

One of Johnson's gifts to us in The Sweet By and By is his writing about aging and the elderly with such compassion and dignity. In fact, I understand that groups that deal with the aged are using this book as a teaching tool. For whatever your reason for reading, I can't recommend it enough.

I started reading this book with a modicum of doubt as to whether or not I would enjoy it. The setting itself sounds depressing: a nursing home. How many of us actually enjoy visiting a nursing home? Not many of us I'd guess. But Todd Johnson somehow brought his characters to life, and the emotions they expressed were immediately recognizable, and you connected with them right away. I enjoy stories about average folks. There are so many stories about the super rich and their 'problems'. It's nice to see average people with average jobs getting their turn in the limelight. Okay, the gist of the story is this: Lorraine, an African American nurse, works at a nursing home in North Carolina, and she takes her job seriously. No half-stepping for Lorraine. She cares about her charges and goes the extra mile for them. Margaret and Bernice are women she cares for in the nursing home. Margaret still has her wits about her, but Bernice is in her own world most of the time, her mind ravaged by the loss of her dear son, Wade. Enter Rhonda, a hairdresser who is hired by the director of the nursing home to beautify the residents. She isn't optimistic about all these old people at first, but Margaret and Bernice, especially, soon loosen her up. The fifth character whom Todd Johnson gives a voice is April, Lorraine's only child, who is in the beginning of the story going to college with a mind to entering medical school. All of these voices speak in first-person, and they're easy on the ears. You come to understand them, and root for them, and in the end to love them. The book is about how your associations impact your life. And how we, no matter what race we are, have more in common than we think we have. That, basically, we're all the same under the skin: we just want to be loved, and heard, and have someone be there with us in the end. I didn't want the book to end. That's how much I enjoyed it.