54 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
'She was entitled to die her own death.', February 27, 2008
This review is from: Swimming in a Sea of Death: A Son's Memoir (Hardcover)
Memoirs written after the death of a loved one can either be elegies radiant with poetic inspiration or they can be self-serving eulogies. David Rieff, a thoughtful and intelligent writer, happens to be the son of Susan Sontag, one of America's most brilliant authors and essayists, a woman of great courage with the gift of exploring concepts of our society that she found in need of our attention while at the same time a being novelist able to spin meaningful tales about the indomitable human spirit. SWIMMING IN A SEA OF DEATH: A SON'S MEMOIR is far more than a rehash of an artist's life and exit from life: this book is a work of sensitive evaluation of not only a great woman but also of the myriad aspects of our healthcare system, both good and bad, and the delicate yet coarsely bumpy path that begins with the diagnosis of a terminal disease and ends with the sigh that completes mortality. From this book we learn not only the trials of Susan Sontag's battle with three attacks of cancer (breast cancer in 1975 with radical surgery and chemotherapy, uterine sarcoma in 1998, and Myelodysplastic Syndrome in 2004), but we also learn about the relationship of a son and mother and the challenges to each in coping with threatening diseases and ultimately death.
What makes this 'memoir' so different is the frank honesty of the author David Rieff. He reflects on the avid love for living that ruled Sontag's life, her refusal to give in when she felt that fighting the odds was better than the alternative of doing nothing. Rieff took on the role of supporting his mother's belief that all of the chemotherapy, mutilating surgery, radiation, bone marrow transplantation - all accompanied by severe physical and psychological pain - was worth the effort if the methods of attacking the disease process held any degree of hope of remission. It is a lesson for all of us who have dealt or are dealing with being there for loved ones who face medical decisions, times when the patient needs the support of those who care and are willing to accept the fact that the patient is very much alive - until life is no longer an option.
The reader comes away from this book with a profound respect for the spirit of Susan Sontag, the courage of her various physicians who respected her participation in her decisions, and the quiet and gentle love of a son who can now see the giant who was his mother as he passes her grave in Paris. Toward the end of this book Rieff quotes form Sontag's journals: '"I write the way I live and my life is full of quotations." Then she adds: "Change it." But she never did.' This memoir is an Elegy. Highly recommended reading. Grady Harp, February 08
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
For Sontag, death was not an option., January 20, 2008
This review is from: Swimming in a Sea of Death: A Son's Memoir (Hardcover)
How does a son respond when told that his mother is dying? Is there a difference when this is not the first time? What does it mean to the soul when the cure itself kills?
American writer Susan Sontag died in 2004 of a form of cancer brought on by her earlier aggressive treatments for advanced breast cancer. She was told of her fatal condition as she was accompanied by her son, David Rieff. Nine months later she was dead.
Is there any difference between fighting for life and fighting against death? In Sontag's case, it seems that her goal was to survive and to live life to the fullest. She was a believer in a "take no prisoners" approach to her cancer treatments... a serious disease required an equally serious treatment, and a dedication to this treatment. For her, according to Rieff, death was not an option.
"But with the greatest respect [for her oncologists], the brute fact of mortality means that there are limits on how much better we can realistically expect to do" (p. 166).
This is a book of two viewpoints: what Rieff as a son saw of his mother and himself as the MDS progressed, and how Sontag approached life and death during this period.
Both were brave, and reflective.
"During the months I watched my mother die, I was increasingly at a loss as to how I could behave toward her in ways that actually would be helpful. Mostly, I felt at sea" (p. 103).
"She told me at one point that she was tormented by the amount of time she had wasted during her life on what she called her 'Girl Scout-ish' obsession with doing 'worthy' things" (p. 106).
"And in the end, those of us who loved her failed her as the living always fail the dying, for we could not actually do the only thing she really wanted, which was to stave off extinction for just some time longer, let alone give her what I'm afraid is all too accurately called a new lease on life. Only her doctors could do that" (p. 136-137).
Sontag's philosophy toward treatment was simple in its complexity:
Search for every treatment option.
Take every chance.
Survive.
She watched friends die because they did not heed this advice. But as the sand inexorably runs through the hourglass, the options disappear, the menu of treatments is taken away, and the final endpoint appears.
Rieff collects his thoughts from his observations and reflections, and from both his pre-death conversations with his mother and his post-death review of her journals. This is not a biography of Susan Sontag. It is a mourning of a son for his mother.
"Mostly, I felt at sea."
It is a tough decision, financially, emotionally, and practically, to be aggressive in fighting disease. Sontag was always a fighter, and her experiences fighting breast cancer shaped her to the end. For Rieff, his mother was... his mother. There is no expectation of a reunion in the afterlife, or a reincarnation and reinvention. You live your life, and then you die.
Sontag refused to be passive in life, and in her approach to the prospect of death.
And she is missed by her son.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
There are no easy deaths, May 22, 2008
This review is from: Swimming in a Sea of Death: A Son's Memoir (Hardcover)
I can understand very well that Mr Rieff felt the need to write about his mother's death. That such a writing should take the form of a published book is a totally different matter.
With all due respect, and I have no doubt that David Rieff went through a terrible ordeal, his book adds nothing to what those who really care about their loved ones already know. Well, it is true that he elaborates
more cleverly than most of us would be able to but all the clichés are there: the guilt, I wish it had been me, was there somethong else I could have done...
Here I am obviously talking about the psychological side of being close to someone who is dying. One is very lucky if the practical difficulties which arise can be dealt with smoothly and for that you basically need money.
When I say that Mr Rieff's book is no contribution of great value I also want to say that it is not his fault (he could however chosen not to publish). In my opinion there is nothing to minimize the suffering caused by death. Especially if it takes place after a long period of time, which is usually the case with cancer. The fact that Ms Sontag was a very intelligent and intelectually rich person must have made things even more difficult.
To sum it up, there are no easy deaths (the expression is borrowed from the reply given to Simone de Beauvoir by a french nurse: "But, madam, it was a very easy death." about the death of the former's mother. It was sarcastically used by SB as the title of an account of her mother's death.)
You never forget, that is my experience. You just go on trying to learn how to live with absence.
PS Mr Rieff comments disapprovingly on the publication of some pictures of his dead mother by Annie Leibovitz. I compliment him on that.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
