Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life [Hardcover]

Sam Horn (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 12, 2002

How often have you wished you knew how to defuse the difficult people who wreak havoc on your life? Whether it's a neighbor who keeps disturbing your peace, an employer who manipulates you into unpaid overtime, a spouse who criticizes and controls your every move, a colleague who uses scare tactics to intimidate you, or a student who teases your child without mercy, Take the Bully by the Horns will give you real-life strategies stop people from taking advantage of you, including how to:

* Adopt a "don't you dare" attitude
* Refuse to play The Blame-Shame Game
* Beat em to the punch...line
* Stop paying the price of nice
* Put all kidding aside
* Act on your anger instead of suffering in silence
* Savior Self from martyrs and guilt-mongers
* Not be victimized by crazy-making Jekyll/Hyde personalities
* Adopt the Clarity Rules and Rights

With these tools, you can take back your peace of mind and your sanity. The bold suggestions in Take the Bully by the Horns will show you once and for all how to convince unfair or unkind relatives, co-workers, customers, or strangers to either behave cooperatively or leave you alone.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The subtitle of Horn's treatise indicates just how much psychological ground he manages to cover in this encouraging how-to. Not just for kids on the playground anymore, bullying can have serious consequences for adults: violence, lawsuits, abuse and even death. Many of the "28 Ways to Lose Your Bully" strategies Horn (Tongue Fu) outlines are common sense, the same advice parents might give children after a rough recess: "Put Up a Brave Front," "Get Out of My Space," "Screw Up Your Courage." The number of mini-quizzes and aphoristic sayings make the book read like a large-scale PowerPoint presentation (not surprising, as Horn is a veteran of the corporate seminar circuit). Yet there's a realism here that is convincing: Horn's example situations include spouses who hit or cheat, spouses' bosses who grope, coaches who berate, false friends who cajole confidences, business partners who steal, neighbors who instill fear and people who chronically hit up family members for bail money (or "deja moo"). Role playing "Action Plans" for conversation help firm up psychic independence and avoid pointless, draining argument.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

"Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ages and professions," notes Horn (Tongue Fu!). True enough, but Horn's inconsistent writing and lack of useful tools drain this book of any worth. Confusingly titled chapters "Depend on the Kinkiness of Strangers," for example, concerns personal safety and self-defense render the table of contents useless. Good, albeit brief, chapters on school-yard bullies and using humor to defuse tension are outnumbered by those that mistake insensitivity for bullying or mismatch lessons and examples. This book covers much the same ground as Brandon Toropov's The Complete Idiot's Guide to Getting Along with Difficult People and Robert M. Bramson's recently reprinted Coping with Difficult People. Compared with those books, Horn's work feels undercooked. Not recommended.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press; First Edition edition (September 12, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312278209
• ISBN-13: 978-0312278205
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #758,260 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Sam Horn, president of Action Seminars, has presented her real-life workshops to more than 400,000 people since 1981. Her impressive client list includes Young Presidents Organization, National Governors Association, Hewlett-Packard, Four Seasons Resort, the Fortune 500 Forum, the US Navy, and the IRS. She was the top rated speaker at both the 1996 and 1998 International Platform Association conventions in Washington DC, and is the emcee of the world-renowned Maui Writers Conference. She is also the author of Tongue Fu!, What's Holding You Back?, and ConZentrate, which have been featured in Readers Digest, The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Entertainment Weekly, Family Circle, Bottom Line Personal, and Executive Female, to name a few. She is a frequent media guest who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows, including "To Tell the Truth" and NPR's popular "Diane Rehm Show." She lives with her sons Tom and Andrew in Virginia.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

52 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Here's the book to get.., November 16, 2002

By 

a reader "_a_reader" (Southwest USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Hardcover)

Most of us were taught to be nice and want to believe that being nice will "work," but this author discourages practicing the golden rule to the point of becoming the "golden fool." The author explains the tactics we normally use with other people and explains why these tactics don't work with bullies and in fact may encourage the bully to intensify his or her efforts. For instance, while active listening and empathy may help in many cases, giving a bully a sympathetic ear will perpetuate the abuse. This will be useful to you if you have received well-meaning but misguided advice to be nice to or in some way accommodate the bully. The first 65 or so pages flesh out the problem, help you understand why it is appropriate to defend yourself, etc. Most of the remaining 250 or so pages help you learn what to say. The author provides LOTS of examples. For instance, instead of saying "I don't think it's very nice of you to say I'm a terrible cook," you should say "If you don't like my cooking, you're welcome to fix your own dinner." Such a response does not enter into a debate regarding the accusation.

Another book, "The Bully At Work," has until now been perhaps the primary source for those dealing with bullies at work, It is a well-researched and credible book that validates a target's experience and helps with options for dealing with the system (i.e., Human Resources). By contrast "Take the Bully by the Horns" has the greater emphasis on teaching very specific responses to a bully and has perhaps a wider application. Both books are valuable, but "Take the Bully by the Horns" is the best for "how to." It is an uncommonly useful self-help book.

34 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Incomplete, January 5, 2005

By 

Darthjal "Darthjal" (North America) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Hardcover)

This is probably a great book for the majority of people who have problems with bullies. Unfortunately, it doesn't at all address the problem of having a bully for a boss. It does touch on the problem where a boss might have a bully for an employee, but since management is normally on the boss's side, I don't feel that there's much here for people who are being bullied by their employers. This may limit the book's usefulness for those who feel trapped between an abusive employer and a hostile job market.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally -- a book that dares to tell the truth., February 25, 2003

By 

JRG (Ca. USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Hardcover)

I worked with a bully and I tried all the win-win techniques other experts suggest. Not only did they not help, they made the situation worse. This author says that bullies only respect strength and they see kindness as weakness. One of her suggestions made the whole book worthwhile. She said to use the word "you" instead of the word "I" when dealing with a bully because "I" words come across as whining and "you" words (i.e., "You used to get away with that, you don't get away with that anymore) hold bullies accountable. If you have someone in your life who is taking advantage of your good nature, get this book. It's a lifesaver.