Customer Reviews

Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life

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Most of us were taught to be nice and want to believe that being nice will "work," but this author discourages practicing the golden rule to the point of becoming the "golden fool." The author explains the tactics we normally use with other people and explains why these tactics don't work with bullies and in fact may encourage the bully to intensify his or her efforts. For instance, while active listening and empathy may help in many cases, giving a bully a sympathetic ear will perpetuate the abuse. This will be useful to you if you have received well-meaning but misguided advice to be nice to or in some way accommodate the bully. The first 65 or so pages flesh out the problem, help you understand why it is appropriate to defend yourself, etc. Most of the remaining 250 or so pages help you learn what to say. The author provides LOTS of examples. For instance, instead of saying "I don't think it's very nice of you to say I'm a terrible cook," you should say "If you don't like my cooking, you're welcome to fix your own dinner." Such a response does not enter into a debate regarding the accusation.

Another book, "The Bully At Work," has until now been perhaps the primary source for those dealing with bullies at work, It is a well-researched and credible book that validates a target's experience and helps with options for dealing with the system (i.e., Human Resources). By contrast "Take the Bully by the Horns" has the greater emphasis on teaching very specific responses to a bully and has perhaps a wider application. Both books are valuable, but "Take the Bully by the Horns" is the best for "how to." It is an uncommonly useful self-help book.

This is probably a great book for the majority of people who have problems with bullies. Unfortunately, it doesn't at all address the problem of having a bully for a boss. It does touch on the problem where a boss might have a bully for an employee, but since management is normally on the boss's side, I don't feel that there's much here for people who are being bullied by their employers. This may limit the book's usefulness for those who feel trapped between an abusive employer and a hostile job market.

I worked with a bully and I tried all the win-win techniques other experts suggest. Not only did they not help, they made the situation worse. This author says that bullies only respect strength and they see kindness as weakness. One of her suggestions made the whole book worthwhile. She said to use the word "you" instead of the word "I" when dealing with a bully because "I" words come across as whining and "you" words (i.e., "You used to get away with that, you don't get away with that anymore) hold bullies accountable. If you have someone in your life who is taking advantage of your good nature, get this book. It's a lifesaver.

I purchased this book after I had several encounters with bullies throughout my life. I often failed at dealing with bullies, when I had to deal with them, until my last two encounters. For so long I tried the different typical tactics that Sam Horn explains and still suffered from the bullies' rath. What did I do during my last two encounters? I didn't compromise who I was, wasn't so nice and friendly and grabbed the bullies by the horns, as Sam Horn explains. It works and you can feel good about yourself and how you handled yourself throughout "the ordeal".

This is even a great book for those who have learned how to handle bullies through trial and error, because it gives tips you wouldn't think of and boosts your confidence in regard to how you handled your situation. I highly recommend this book and just purchased another Sam Horn book. Her writing is easy to read, makes you smile and is extremely insightful.

I have read countless self-help books, but this is the most on-target, put-into-practice-right-away book I have found so far.

From start to finish, the author offers many examples of common situations where you can almost painlessly learn to speak up for yourself. Ms. Horn assists beautifully by supplying the precise, straightforward language necessary to disarm those who cross boundaries, don't play fair or otherwise look to take advantage.

The author demonstrates over and over that you *can* take the bullies by the horns, stop 'em in their tracks and maintain your dignity in the process.

This book is for nice people everywhere who are looking for the right words and need a little help in the courage department to do what needs to be done in a world gone mad.

If you know one person in your life that tries to make you feel small - get this book! I have been through so many courses of trying to Parent After Separation - the General Course and High Conflict. It is all about getting along. Well, what if there is no way to get along with a person who wants to control your life but says that everything they do is in the best interest of your child. Bull! The high conflict course should include many points from this book. I have been informed that unless this unruly bully hits me- the verbal and psychological abuse does not hold any allegations against this person. So with Sam Horn's help - I am taking matters into my own hands - I am goint to take her advice and stop being the people pleaser - because the nicer you are to a bully - the more they try to take advantage of the nice girl(mom). The next communication course that I am forced to take by the courts - I will be recommending this book for parents who have difficulties dealing with the father or mother of their child who is an all out BULLY. I am hoping that by reading this book I can prevent my child from being bullied on the playground as well as prevent him from following in his Dad's footsteps. If Sam Horn came to this city - I would stand in line to get tickets. I am a school teacher and never in my life did I think "Bullies" left the playground. Thank you for making things clear just when I was being told that I was the one that was crazy. I almost started to believe it!

I wish I had found "Take the Bully by the Horns" earlier. It would have helped me deal with a bully that I encountered in a most unexpected place. I've often wondered how I could deal with this person without looking like a nut case and this book offers effective strategies to counter bullies without losing your dignity. This book is has a humorous approach which makes it a delight to read. It feels like Sam Horn is just talking to you over coffee. I would also recommend this book to every parent in case their child gets bullied.

Sam Horn's book provided enough information to handle not only adult bullying in the workplace but to understand the nature of bullying in children. I used the information in this book to create a bully prevention program for children and teachers in schools. I highly recommend Sam's humorous style, expert advice and well written chapters.

This book is full of practical advice, offered in a clear, easy to read format. No lengthy chapters...you can absorb a couple ideas, put the book down to practice your newfound techniques, pick the book up the next day and learn more! (A great book for the busy person!) Horn cuts right to the chase with wonderful examples to show just how easy the methods are to apply. Her catchy titles capture the reader's attention and the contents keep them reading.

Never before have I identified so totally with the ideas in a book as I have with this one. The author's writing style is refreshingly down-to-earth. You get the feeling she's "been there, done that" and thus, you can readily connect to the offered suggestions.

I like how Horn helps you identify whether you're dealing with a real bully or just an occasional difficult person. And that her advice is not to stoop to your adversary's level, it's always to respond in a graceful manner that deflects their intent. Through the stories she shares, she clarifies situations in such a way that makes it easy to understand how the methods work.

Every school and library should have this book!

Hard to put this book down once you start! Very detailed and descriptive. Leaves no stone unturned and has plenty of stories based on fact to back up the suggestions offered.

A must read for anyone going through tough times with difficult people.

Janice