Customer Reviews

It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting Is Hurting Our Kids--and What to Do About It

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

At long last a non-psychobabble, commonsense approach to raising kids right. Hart's book is profound, sorely needed, and right on. She argues that idolizing children and focusing solely on their self-esteem is not healthy. Clearly they need nurturing, but not to the exclusion of limits, ground rules, and a solid understanding of right and wrong. Parents need to be authority figures. They also, she argues, need to stop obsessing about perfect kids and realize that mistakes can become learning opportunities that help children grow into healthy, well centered adults. And, of course, she argues against falling for the latest 60-seconding parenting tip of the day. Her work helps shift the focus back to parent's proper roles and responsibilities in guiding the character of their children. I taught in a public school part-time for eight years and currently teach martial arts to kids (and adults). I have seen the behavioral problems she refers to over and over again and have seen first hand how her approach really does work. And I use a similar approach with my own kids. This book is well written, compelling, and sorely needed. It's about time someone promulgated this approach. Highly recommended!

As a 40 year old single man without children, the subject
of raising kids does not, in itself interest me.

However, for years I have admired Ms. Hart ability to
use and express common sense in getting to the crux of
problems. And most of all, she simply a fun writer
to read.

Therefore, I picked up the book the day it came out, and despite having to get back to work the next day, I spent the same evening reading it.

What I appreciated most of all in this book, is her
outstanding ability in using and explaining studies. So much of today's conventional wisdom in rasing children is based on horribly flawed studies and poor/biased use of data (As an Auditor/CPA this is something I often deal with)

Her chapter in spanking is a minor masterpiece of explaining the almost unbelievably biased interpretation of studies done on raising children. However the whole book in itself will make you a bit more aware on how the media puts it own spin on just about anything.

And yes, the book is also plain fun.

This book should be a household tool. I just read a copy and have to say that Mrs. Hart is preaching to the choir for me and so many other moms. It is difficult to stand up to what everyone else is doing with and for their kids when you are different. The odd part, is that in our hearts, we know we are doing what is best for our children by not falling for the mega advertising and "stepford children" mentality that everyone else is doing.

My twin stepdaughters want everything that they see on TV and in magazines, even hear ads on the radio. Even though their natural mom runs to the mall to get them everything possible "BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES," their dad and I do not play this game. It is a terrible struggle, especially when we know that there are other parents and step-parents who want to go along with us but choose not to due to looking like a bad person.

There are only a handful of us in their school who do not play by the rules and pressures of today's society and we are constantly being shot down and talked about. It would be much easier to just go with the flow.

I am very happy that Mrs.Hart, a syndicated columnist, has taken a stand on this matter and hope that each and every parent will give it up and read the book.

It will surely get much negative exposure, "How dare someone question the rules of the IN CROWD, and tell parents to act and become the PARENT..."

It's very brave of her to do so...as well as another syndicated family columnist, Jodie Lynn. In her book, Mommy-CEO, she says similar things and offers similar "how to" alternatives for parents to be THE PARENTS. Both books are well qualified to be in every household across the GLOBE and should become a tool in each house.

For the sake of all children, please buy both books and share them with everyone. If we are to save our children and ourselves, listen to these two authors who know what they see and hear each day from parents and teachers themselves.

BRAVO to these two women who are brave enough to come out of the MEDIA world and tell it like it really is!

It's ok to tell our children "no." It's ok to turn off the TV, to take away the Game Boy, to deny the ice cream cone. Come on parents! Step up to the plate and take some responsibility for your children! We have become a nation of children raising themselves. It's time to embrace the responsibility of being a parent. You owe it to your children and you owe it to our collective future.This book will help you on your way.

This is a good parenting book. I especially enjoyed the topics about self-esteem, being your child's advocate, saying "no," and the culture wars. But my favorite one was her explanation of how the popular notion "criticize the action, not the child" is just plain wrong. Once you read this book, you'll never look at `expert' advice the same way. There are phrases in the book that she overuses, in my opinion, but I just overlooked that knowing she was obviously doing it to reinforce her point. I also liked the way she does not hide the fact that she isn't a perfect parent and has sometimes fallen for some bad `expert' parenting advice.

This is an okay book from which you can expect to get two or three good ideas. It is basically homespun advice that uses personal experience as a base. (When I was a child my parents did this. This is what I do with my kids....)

As other reviewers have noted Ms. Hart builds up straw man arguments that she then proceeds to knock down. This frequently takes the form of 'here is what pushover parents are doing' and here is what it makes sense to do. This approach however is what really appeals to her niche audience and if you can excuse her the format of the argument, there is frequently something worth pondering in her message.

Three Stars. Others found it an excellent read, but I found it overly wordy. I think the same advice could have been put in half the space. That said, "It Takes a Parent" is worth reading, although one might want to wait for the paperback (or library). [Not a book one is likely to read over and over--pass it along to friends and family.]

Since the "Search inside this book" feature does not have the second page of contents I have listed them below.

8 - When did "No" Become a Dirty Word?
9 - Wo Chose to Give Kids So Many Choices?
10 - Feelings, Wo-oh-oh Feelings
11-Led Zeppeline and the culture Wars: The culture Can Be Cool
12-To Spank or Not to Spank (and Why It's Not Really the Right Question, Anyway)
13-Challenge the Experts for the Sake of Your Child

Sources
Index

IT TAKES A PARENT finally challenges the parenting "experts" who treat childrearing like an academic practice set - the best of whose research and advice has created the situation today - kids disciplined by medication and ovrewhelmed by choices without parental leadership! Hart's book takes a close look at all the main experts, helps parents question them, and gives parents back the role of leader and guide in their children's lives! This book made it all come together for me, and I recommend it to every parent who cares about their kid!

Many of the ills in our society can be trace to problems in the home. A scary fraction of high school graduates are functionally illiterate. If more parents were involved in the education of their children this number would drop. Many of the teenagers involved with gangs, drugs, and sex come from families where the parent didn't parent. Recently I've seen articles about how some parents are basically outsourcing "parenthood" and having others raise their children.

Betsy Hart's book "It Take a Parent" is a wake up call to parents. She wants them to be more involved, to take ownership for the responsibility of being a parent, and to be a parent. As older, more mature, and hopefully wiser adults, parents need to decide to be in charge of the family. Otherwise, as Betsy says, the children will be in charge.

Betsy says that many of the experts in the parenting culture tell parents to be more passive, to let children do what they want, and try to be their children's best friend. Betsy says parents need to be parents. If a child is angry at his parent, oh well, parents need to be focused on the long term. She sees parenting as a rescue mission for the heart of the child. Children are not naturally born with self discipline, wisdom, and charity. Parents need to model these, and to direct children in appropriate ways, giving consequences when children make bad choices.

Betsy makes many good points in this book. For example she makes a distinction between personality and character. Personality is largely what comes with the child. A child may be thoughtful, outgoing, energetic, and so on. Parents should not try to change a child's personality. Parents should be working to help develop a child's character. They should teach the child to be honest, hard working, and caring.

Another point Betsy makes, several times, is children need to learn they are not the center of the world. Children should learn to work with others, and not to always demand that they get their way. A child who learned to expect the world to revolve around him will be an unhappy adult when he finds the rest of the world pretty much ignores his wishes and desires.

Betsy has a full chapter on "When did 'No' become a dirty word?" Many parenting experts say children need to be happy and content, always. Betsy says it is more important for children to learn to follow rules. It is hard to start enforcing rules when children get older if they never followed rules when they were young.

Many books are the kind where it is worth reading once. (Some books aren't even worth reading once.) "It Takes a Parent" is a book I plan to read again in another six months. There is a lot of useful information and ideas in here on how to be a better parent. If you want to be a better parent give this book a try.

Once in awhile our newspaper would print a column of Betsy Hart ~~ and sometimes, I would agree with her comments/observations and sometimes, I didn't. When I saw this book in a bookstore, I knew that I had to get it and it was worth every penny of the sale. It is practical and common-sense ~~ which seems to be lacking sometimes among all those "experts" that write parenting books. It is a honest and forthright book ~~ Ms. Hart made no pretensions to be a psychologist or anything like that ~~ she just shared her observations on parenting and knocked out some of the more popular theories.

Kids are more resilient than we adults give them credit for ~~ and sometimes, the word "no" is more helpful than harmful and their tender psyches are not going to be permanently damaged. What would permanently damage them would be the lack of rules and discipline and expectations. She asked a vital question that stuck with me throughout this book: Which one do you want your child to marry? The one that respects "no" because she learns that it is a good thing even if it's not always pleasant, or the child who rarely hears "no" and believes that it's unfair and a violation of his/her rights. Good question. And she asks thoughtful and provoking questions throughout this book. She didn't sugarcoat the answers or her opinions ~~ but she wasn't harsh.

It is an interesting book ~~ one that I am glad that I got a chance to read. It also validates some of what my husband and I believe in regards to what we want our children to experience out of life ~~ and what we experienced growing up. Being a parent doesn't mean being your child's best friend ~~ it means looking out for your child's best interest and sometimes, your child won't understand that but you have to persevere through it and hold firm to what you believe in. The world does not revolve around any just one person and it's never too early to learn that lesson.

Good parenting book ~~ full of practical advice and interesting tidbits regarding her family life. It sure is different reading from all of the other parenting books out there!!

11-13-06

It Takes a Parent is a refreshing look at parenting in the modern world. In actuality it doesn't say anything new. This book covers topic that my grandparents would have found ridiculous in their day. It provides the reader the strength to say no to the current parenting experts. It basically communicates to the reader that no one knows their children better than them and its okay for the parents to make the decisions that are right for their family. Betsy Hart asks the reader to look at parenting as a mission to rescue your child's heart. She wants parents to rescue their children's heart from the negative influences of society as a whole. She doesn't bash everything in American Culture. She is not anti-public schools or television. She does place the responsibility on the parents to make the decisions about how to deal with whatever schooling choice they make. It's up to the parents to decide what they want their children to watch and how much. Nothing new in this book, but all in all a nice read. The book is not heavy on child psychology lingo. It's written in a very simple and straightforward style. She does at times repeat herself over and over during some chapters.