Customer Reviews

It Takes Two.Com

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I admit I agreed to review this book with at least a tad of trepidation, not only because I'm now barely entering the second half of the 20th Century as far as technology, but also because I've always secretly nurtured a philosophical resistance to any form of human interaction that smacked of science fiction. For me this category included cloning, telepathic sex, and computer dating.

So for two weeks I pretended not to notice this manuscript to which I'd committed myself, lying there among my gardening books on the bedside table. But finally I bit the bullet and opened to the Table of Contents. I became immediately, astoundingly engaged. Those clever chapter titles! "Oedipus Seeks Older Woman," for starters. Wow. This was not your typical book about love on the Internet. I tell you it was a page turner -- a finely researched, entertaining and convincing argument in favor of computer dating.

The authors are themselves persuasive examples of the validity of the much maligned phenomenon of cyberlove, having met through the Internet personals when Kenneth was living in San Francisco and Beverly in Tennessee. As if the glow of their personal relationship is not testimony enough (they could be the happiest couple I've met), their book includes perceptive recollections from other intelligent folks who found their own soulmates in cyberspace.

It includes interviews with owners of reputable online dating services, offers advice on how to choose an appropriate matchmaking service, and provides tips on writing effective personal profiles. The book outlines precautions taken by dating services to protect the privacy of their clients, and guidelines to attracting sincere people.

But it's not as simplistic or one-sided as that. The pitfalls are investigated and unsuccessful attempts examined. Participants describe their first-hand experiences with online dating. The characters are familiar and human, with all the usual flaws and fears we recognize (embracingly or otherwise) as our own. It's a page turner, I tell you. It's drama.

When I was searching for a book of information about online dating, I bought four books from Amazon. Three of these were silly and superficial in their approach. IT TAKES TWO.COM was strikingly different. Not only do the authors have the first-hand experience of meeting online themselves, but also in helping people resolve relationship problems. What I really enjoyed about this book were the many specific examples and directions for how to be successful online, and how to learn more about yourself in the process. Through accounts from people who have lost as well as won online, the authors explain ways to protect yourself as well as avoid hurting others on the way to finding a partner. IT TAKES TWO.COM was a very meaningful book to me personally, and I'm sure it will help many people in their online search.

It Takes Two.Com should certainly be a prerequisite for anyone placing or responding to an ad on an Internet personals site. The many stories shared by people who have used the personals demonstrate how we must know and love ourselves--our games, our illusions, our fears, our desires, our dreams--so that we may more fully experience genuine love with another. These stories validate that there are unseen forces ever present guiding us, and that LOVE is really all there is, even when brought and given to us via the Internet. Sharing the strength and hope from first-hand accounts is a very powerful learning tool for those willing to have an open mind and heart. The authors' descriptions and explanations of what composes the essence of a person, how our persona/archetypes are lived out in our lives, and how these then come to dictate who we meet when it becomes our written ad or email is right on! Even the stories of fantasy, constant courtship, married and flirting, and disappointment can teach us. For the reader who is willing, the catalyst is there to help see how our superficial actions are not conducive to an intimate, trusting, accepting, committed relationship--if that is what we truly desire. Of course, to have faith and be open to accept and recognize our destiny when it meets us face to face is also required.

The authors are both psychotherapists who came together via the Internet. Their online love story is transcendent, inspirational, and, yes, even magical. The Appels' book is most noteworthy for its emphasis on the powerful aura of spirituality which is evident when soulmates connect. There's no way to predict it. If there were a way to manufacture it, I'm sure it would sell better than Viagra. In 1979, psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined a term by calling this attraction limerence. In her book, Love and Limerance: The Experience of Being in Love, she speaks of this soul-to-soul connection and how it can enter one's life. Suddenly a stranger is known. Not only does the Appels' work reflect this wonderful state, but it permeates their romance and that of the couples who were also blessed in discovering their spiritual partners online. It Takes Two.Com is a book about spirituality, persistence, hope, faith, and the uniquely human need to be loved. Thanks to reading their book I am better able to recognize when a person I am corresponding with online is sincere about wanting an enduring relationship; able to identify those who are simply looking for someone to play a role in their fantasies; and how to spot those who prey on the unwary. I was one of a 1000 research volunteers who participated in the Appels' study prior to the release of their book. Although I have yet to meet my soulmate, I believe it will happen. And thanks to Beverly and Kenneth, I'll know and see him before I meet him.

The Appels have written a fascinating book about love and human contact on the Internet personals. This is not about the flirtations of the chat rooms. This is about a serious presentation of self in which a person says this is who I am, this is what I stand for, this is the way I lead my life, this is my passion and spirituality, and this is what I want from another human being. Unlike the usual ways of meeting a person-at church, on the job, through friends--these presentations of self on the Internet reach across time and space like a beacon. The Appels are both serious psychotherapists and their guidance is gentle and accumulative, and, from the first page on, deeply optimistic. They have made contact with over 1000 people who have used the Internet personals, and they recount their stories on virtually every page. This is, in a very real sense, a book of love stories. I was astonished by the wisdom of this book. I love the human speech contained in it. The Appels believe that in time millions of people will use the Internet personals and meet their beloved in this fashion. This notion astonished me.