It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Brendan Halpin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 5, 2002

“When my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, I joked that I couldn’t decide between alcoholism and overeating as a coping strategy. My wife suggested I write about it instead. She is always right. I couldn’t write a cloying, sentimental story of inspiring courage, so instead I wrote what was real to me—fear, lust, annoyance, love, fatigue, resentment, existential terror, horror movies, alcohol, and country music. It’s not pretty, but it is real. I hope you like it.”

This book is a horror story and a comedy, but, most of all, it is a love story. It is the story of what happens to a man who fears that his best friend might leave him forever. Feeling helpless, angry, and scared, Brendan Halpin sat down at his computer late at night or early in the morning and wrote. Pages poured out of him whenever something struck him as funny, whenever he was annoyed with a medical professional or family member, whenever he was terrified, and whenever he couldn’t sleep—in other words, every day. What came out is sometimes painful, sometimes hilarious, but always honest—a journey into the head of a man whose wife is critically ill.

This book will take you to the depths of fear and despair. It will also make you laugh until you feel sick. If that sounds contradictory, well, start reading.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Halpin's memoir of his wife's struggle with breast cancer is a heartbreaking read. In the aftermath of tragedy, people will often say, "At least it happened quickly; at least there was no pain." Not so with cancer, even for survivors. Halpin, his wife, Kirsten, and their five-year-old daughter had just moved into their dream house and imagined a reprieve from life's difficulties. A biopsy forced them to face their worst fears: Kirsten's cancer was diagnosed as stage four. She was forced to confront her own death her survival chances hovered around 60% as well as the terrific pain and discomfort of treatment. Halpin, a high school English teacher in Boston, Ma., focuses mostly on his own struggles, his silence regarding his wife seems more respectful than self-involved. His eye is unflinching and honest as he observes the medical establishment's seeming indifference, satanic folksinging neighbors, family members too human to be totally selfless, supportive colleagues and, best of all, himself. Although cancer-survivor Kirsten is the true heroine of the book, Halpin is the loving "worried man" rallying behind her. By turns nauseatingly descriptive (the hose stuck through his wife's chest makes for especially queasy reading) and wickedly funny, this memoir of a husband's fight with his wife's cancer is an excellent though painful book for anyone facing similar situations. (Feb.)Forecast: If the statistics are any indicator (approximately one in eight women will get breast cancer), this book will find its way into the hands of many a husband.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Will people really want to read the rantings of a pouting, grouchy, grumbling, whiny 32-year-old? They will when they meet Halpin, a teacher in a Boston charter high school and the husband of a 32-year-old woman with Stage 4 breast cancer. Few books on breast cancer feature the husband's perspective (David Tillman's beautiful In the Failing Light, LJ 5/15/99, is a rare exception). Halpin's view is so in your face, so funny, so foul-mouthed, and so honest that everyone will want to read this and cheer for his wife, Kirsten, and their four-year-old daughter, Rowen. This is the yearlong diary of Kirsten's ordeal, which included high-dose chemotherapy and stem-cell replacement. Halpin describes every day, every complaint, every fear, along with his favorite (and not so favorite) music (loves the Carter Family, hates Dan Fogelberg), TV shows, movies, and food (especially food). He doesn't let family or friends off the hook except maybe the folks from the Unitarian Church where he belongs who do his housework, even cleaning the toilets, and his students, whom he truly loves teaching. Fortunately, there is no ending to his story. Kirsten is alive, her tumors are still palpable but considerably smaller, and she celebrated her 33rd birthday. According to Halpin, that "has to be enough." The language is graphic, which is to be expected of most 32-year-old males, but this book should not be missed. Highly recommended. Bette-Lee Fox, "Library Journal"

Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Villard (March 5, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0375507167
• ISBN-13: 978-0375507168
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,917,670 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I'm a writer and a teacher. I've written memoirs, novels for adults, and novels for young adults. I don't know if my interest in and talent at writing YA comes from my experience as a high school teacher or my immaturity. Either way, it's good.

I live in Boston with my wife Suzanne and our three children and our dog, Cooper.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars we're human. and that's the point., March 28, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir (Hardcover)

Reading about this struggle of dealing with life-threatening illness, I was constantly reminded about how important it is to always remember we're human. That's what separates us and also binds us. Halpin puts his humanness right out there in all its uniqueness and commonality: of being in his wife's experience and being outside it, of being tugged between his own fears and those of his wife and their family, of being caught between frustration and hope, of finding refuge in things wacky and sublime. All these things remind me that I can not know how I might respond to such a situation, but I can know that I would have my own unique reactions. And as unique as they would be, they would also be part of a shared humanness. Halpin's book is an important, funny, and heartrending read in these times when we need to constantly remember we're part of a fragile, human community.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Can't stop reading, March 25, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir (Hardcover)

I bought this book yesterday, and found myself very unsociable, all evening, I couldn't put it down. Halpin draws you right in, and you want to know whats going on. I read it on the subway coming into work, and kept brushing away tears. I love this family, I love the lives they live - I love Halpin's ability to see joy in moments with his daughter. You find that these are people you want to be with!

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It's not pretty, it's just true., March 27, 2002

By 

Deborah Bancroft "a mom" (MA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir (Hardcover)

I'm a little confused by some of the reviews here. One says that the author fails to make his point: it seems to me that that reviewer wanted the author to have, simply, a different point to make. He doesn't. His point is that illness brings out the best and the worst in all of us, and doesn't really leave any of us looking very much like heroes. The kind of book that these reviewers seem to want is the kind of book that makes me generally despise fiction: blah blah blah, oh, we're all so honorable and brave. We're not. We're all peeing our pants most of the time, and Mr. Halpin says so, and I was immensely relieved to hear it.

If Mr. Halpin admits that he was less than respectful in some moments, well, good for him, maybe the next man who isn't perfect will feel better knowing he's not alone. If Mr. Halpin admits that he doesn't know what's going to happen next, well good for him some more: neither do I and neither do you. Mr. Halpin doesn't give us all the details that we want about his wife's experience: frankly, it's not her book, but it's important to note that we do want those details. It's a quick read, someone said: yep. I wanted it to be longer too. It lacks structure: no, it lacks predictable structure, but so does one's mind when dealing with this sort of experience.

I hadn't planned on writing a reveiw of this book, but reading the others here has inspired me, so here goes:

"It Takes Worried Man" is not a nice, tidy, politically correct story. Thank God for that.