Taking the War Out of Our Words (3rd Edition) [Paperback]

Sharon Strand Ellison (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 2007 | ISBN-10: 1932279628 | ISBN-13: 978-1932279627 | Edition: 3

Whether we are dealing with a rude clerk, our child saying, "That's not fair!," our spouse ignoring us, or an uncooperative co-worker, in our struggle to respond effectively, we often become defensive - sometimes without even realizing it. Despite good intentions, we can become manipulative and controlling, even with those we love most.

In this groundbreaking book, Sharon Ellison takes us to the root of our communication problems. She shows us how defensiveness functions in our lives and can lead to hurtful power struggles, outlining the six basic patterns we use:

* Self-Betrayal

* Avoidance

* Excuses

* Sabotage

* Vindictiveness

* Blame

Using her Powerful, Non-Defensive Communication process, you can express yourself with a compelling blend of vulnerability and honesty. Learn to:

* Ask disarming questions that prompt others to drop their defenses and open up

* Give direct feedback to others without being judgmental

* Express your own beliefs, feelings, and ideas passionately without being adversarial, so you can be heard and respected

* Set firm boundaries that create security and clear expectations.

"Taking the War Out of Our Words" provides us with vital tools for healing conflict, enhancing self-esteem, becoming more open and spontaneous, strengthening relationships, transforming organizations, and guiding the way toward peace in our global community.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

PRAISE

"Taking the War Out of Our Words ought to be required reading in high school, college, before getting married, and before becoming a parent. Sharon Strand Ellison's work has the power to turn conflict into cooperation, resentment into rapport. This book can change lives and relationships: Read it and reap." -- Sam Horn, author of Tongue Fu! and Take the Bully by the Horns

"The premise is powerful: Human communication has been shaped by our focus on defensive self-protection and power struggle."

-- Mike Maza, Dallas Morning News

"We need Sharon Ellison's work in our homes, in our offices, and most of all, in our hearts."

-- Evelyn C. White, editor, The Black Women's Health Book

"Ellison has developed a powerful method, with unlimited potential, that will strengthen interpersonal relationships, increase organizational effectiveness, and contribute greatly to building a more productive and harmonious society."

-- Diana Chesterfield, Corporate Manager, Nordstrom

Product Details

• Paperback: 284 pages
• Publisher: Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing; 3 edition (April 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1932279628
• ISBN-13: 978-1932279627
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,422,007 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Such a good book, has made a huge impact in my life, November 22, 2007

By 

Maggie Gabrick "Arizona Peanut" (Cave Creek, AZ United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Taking the War Out of Our Words (3rd Edition) (Paperback)

This book has changed the way I interact with my fellow woman/man. I, too, had fallen into the defensive behaviors that the book describes. All my conversations *were* battles. I hadn't realized that was what was keeping me from resolution in so many areas of my life. Although not a fix-all, it has taught me how to deflate hot conversations so that we can come to agreements, how to find out what conversations are really about, and has made me a calmer person as a result. If you're truly ready to change, this book is for you and you won't be dissappointed. - Maggie

8 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars good ideas, delivery not as strong as I had hoped, July 13, 2008

By 

Laurie J. Neverman "The Common Sense Woman" (Denmark, WI United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Taking the War Out of Our Words (3rd Edition) (Paperback)

I applaud the author's efforts to share methods that allow people to communicate more effectively. That said, I found this book to be a boring read. I expected better from someone who makes their living in communications. I bought the book is hopes that it might offer some new ideas for my husband to deal with a problem boss. The suggestions made didn't really help in his situation. The whole feeling of the book was very scripted - lots of "he said", "she said", "he should have said", "she should have said" - it just didn't engage me.

The best advice from the book - ask questions, lots of them, try not to make them judgemental or leading, and don't assume you know the answer before you hear it.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I've ever read, June 9, 2008

By 

Cecilia - See all my reviews

This review is from: Taking the War Out of Our Words (3rd Edition) (Paperback)

I think this book is just absolutely wonderful, so easy to read and so direct. She uses real life examples and everything. I absolutely loved it!