Have you ever walked into a half-empty Parisian restaurant, only to be told that it's "complet"? Attempted to say "merci beaucoup" and accidentally complimented someone's physique? Been overlooked at the boulangerie due to your adherence to the bizarre foreign custom of waiting in line? Well, you're not alone. The internationally bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and In the Merde for Love has been there too, and he is here to help. In Talk to the Snail, Stephen Clarke distills the fruits of years spent in the French trenches into a truly handy (and hilarious) book of advice. Read this book, and find out how to get good service from the grumpiest waiter; be exquisitely polite and brutally rude at the same time; and employ the language of l'amour and le sexe. Everything you need is here in this funny, informative, and seriously useful guide to getting what you really want from the French.
Talk to the Snail
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
In Clarke's newest nonfiction on the French and francophiles (after A Year in the Merde), he offers actually 11 witty commandments for understanding the French. He tackles the stereotypical experiences tourists encounter, explaining why French waiters always ignore you, why everyone's always on strike or why Frenchmen are never wrong about anything. He explains the customs: how to decide when to kiss versus when to handshake, how to romance a French woman or how to be cuttingly rude while seeming polite, and how mispronouncing certain words (the noun "un baiser" means "to kiss"; the verb, "to screw") can get you in trouble (other expressions, like "je t'aime," can't be said often enough). Within Clarke's humorous anecdotes lie grains of seriousness. Why, for example, do the French constantly correct everyone's attempts to speak their language if they also want it to be accepted as a global language? And is it not significant that the French term for bedding someone, "conclure," translates as "to conclude"? In the end, this is an entertaining bon voyage present for anyone heading to France. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"Clarke renders the flavor of life in Paris impeccably: the endless strikes, the sadistic receptionists, the crooked schemes by which the wealthy and well-connected land low-rent apartments…Clarke's eye for detail is terrific."--Washington Post
"Call him the anti-Mayle. Stephen Clarke is acerbic, insulting, un-PC and mostly hilarious."--San Francisco Chronicle
"Combines the gaffes of Bridget Jones with the boldness of James Bond…Clarke's sharp eye for detail and relentless wit make even the most quotidian task seem surreal."--Publishers Weekly
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
44 of 46 people found the following review helpful
By John R. Hoag
Format:Hardcover
Dead-on introduction to French culture with wry humor. American readers may be uncomfortable with some of the correct reporting of how French intellectuals see us. But the author is right. On the other hand, the phrase book sections are comic relief of the finest sort. And he saves the real truth, and the best, for the last. Highly recommended before any adventure in France as a way to stave off stress.
29 of 32 people found the following review helpful
By Eric John
Format:Hardcover
This book is reasonably well-written, but I don't know where he comes up with much of this stuff. For the record, I live in France and have French in-laws and I have been here on and off for ten years, so I think I'm in a position to make some constructive criticisms. Here are just a few:
1. "Don't cut your salad on your plate" - My French wife tells me this is an OLD rule based on the fact that the REAL silverware would have a bad reaction. The rule doesn't exist anymore and hasn't for a very long time. However, what he says about a salad not being a salad without dressing, is true. The salad dressing, or"sauce", is considered an art in itself.
2. "Eating only with a fork is a new fashion in Paris" - Ludicrous. My brother in-law edits a hip, gourmet magazine in Paris and he's never heard of it.
3. "Lycee is laissez-faire and unstructured" - Hardly! I teach high school here and the students work their butts off: as much or more so even than most university students in the States. Believe me, high school here is ANYTHING BUT unstructured.
That said, it is true they are treated more like adults and are able to smoke and drink wine and beer occasionally. But the drinking I witnessed as a high schooler in the US makes them look like "the good kids". This chapter seems more like an opportunity for the author to use the laissez-faire cliché, than anything else. The list goes on, but I'll stop there.
So, If you want a laugh and a few good insights, then I recommend it. But if you are looking for factuality, then take a pass.
A much better book on the subject: 'The Discovery of France: A Historical Geography', by Graham Robb.
1. "Don't cut your salad on your plate" - My French wife tells me this is an OLD rule based on the fact that the REAL silverware would have a bad reaction. The rule doesn't exist anymore and hasn't for a very long time. However, what he says about a salad not being a salad without dressing, is true. The salad dressing, or"sauce", is considered an art in itself.
2. "Eating only with a fork is a new fashion in Paris" - Ludicrous. My brother in-law edits a hip, gourmet magazine in Paris and he's never heard of it.
3. "Lycee is laissez-faire and unstructured" - Hardly! I teach high school here and the students work their butts off: as much or more so even than most university students in the States. Believe me, high school here is ANYTHING BUT unstructured.
That said, it is true they are treated more like adults and are able to smoke and drink wine and beer occasionally. But the drinking I witnessed as a high schooler in the US makes them look like "the good kids". This chapter seems more like an opportunity for the author to use the laissez-faire cliché, than anything else. The list goes on, but I'll stop there.
So, If you want a laugh and a few good insights, then I recommend it. But if you are looking for factuality, then take a pass.
A much better book on the subject: 'The Discovery of France: A Historical Geography', by Graham Robb.
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
By RonAnnArbor
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I have loved Stephen Clarke's novels but this humorous take on the French, all things French, and especially all things NOT British is a classic.
I spend a lot of time in Paris, and his observations are absolutely spot on. While he primarily writes about how the French see English speakers (i.e. the British, not necessarily Americans) his observations apply to both.
If you have never visited France, some of what he writes might seem rude. It is about as accurate in observation as I have read anywhere, however. Hurrah to Stephen Clarke! More! More!
I spend a lot of time in Paris, and his observations are absolutely spot on. While he primarily writes about how the French see English speakers (i.e. the British, not necessarily Americans) his observations apply to both.
If you have never visited France, some of what he writes might seem rude. It is about as accurate in observation as I have read anywhere, however. Hurrah to Stephen Clarke! More! More!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Required for the Francofile
Deep understanding of the French culture and portrayed in a humorous and intelligent manner. Required reading for anyone who wants to spend more than an overnight in France.
Published 1 month ago by Robert F. Powell
5.0 out of 5 stars
Talk to the Snail
This is a great book for someone that likes to understand other culture.
Very funny and it was a easy reading.
Very funny and it was a easy reading.
Published 5 months ago by lucia
4.0 out of 5 stars
good vacation reading
This is a good book for the beach, you do not have to think reading it, it is written in a lively style and you do laugh hard on every tenth page on average. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Stan
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Worthy Supplement to a Travel Guide
Witty, over-drawn, insightful and unkind all describe this book. Heck, some of these describe the French! Read more
Published 10 months ago by Scott Billigmeier
1.0 out of 5 stars
Such British Francophobia is self-congratulatory and too familiar
I was really disappointed with this work. Because my travels and study in France were during the '80s and '90s, I lent it to others for their opinion. Read more
Published 12 months ago by James H. Carr
1.0 out of 5 stars
Mostly inaccurate
A bunch of mostly inaccurate cliche statements about the French.
Mr. Clarke's rants against the French have been ongoing for years through his mediocre "books" where the same... Read more
Mr. Clarke's rants against the French have been ongoing for years through his mediocre "books" where the same... Read more
Published 16 months ago by Evelyne
3.0 out of 5 stars
Benevolent bashing
I saw this in the train station in Avignon, but I did not buy it, choosing to save my money in case of an emergency on the way home. I regretted my de... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Debnance at Readerbuzz
5.0 out of 5 stars
Oh I wish I found this sooner!
I moved to France five months ago and have been struggling against its culture. I didn't really fit in and couldn't really figure out how to. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Tequila Nunley
4.0 out of 5 stars
The french are not that slow!
This book is an invaluable insight into the psychology of the French people. However for a more amusing run through the same summing up of the French, read " A year in the merde"... Read more
Published 21 months ago by mikefitz
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent book
Excellent book. I have lived in France for 18 years and this book captures the true essence of the French. If you are traveling or moving, this is the book for you. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Donna Henablia
Front Cover | Front Flap | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Flap | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
