Talk to the Snail: Ten Commandments for Understanding the French [Hardcover]

Stephen Clarke (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 26, 2006

Have you ever walked into a half-empty Parisian restaurant, only to be told that it's "complet"? Attempted to say "merci beaucoup" and accidentally complimented someone's physique? Been overlooked at the boulangerie due to your adherence to the bizarre foreign custom of waiting in line? Well, you're not alone. The internationally bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and In the Merde for Love has been there too, and he is here to help. In Talk to the Snail, Stephen Clarke distills the fruits of years spent in the French trenches into a truly handy (and hilarious) book of advice. Read this book, and find out how to get good service from the grumpiest waiter; be exquisitely polite and brutally rude at the same time; and employ the language of l'amour and le sexe. Everything you need is here in this funny, informative, and seriously useful guide to getting what you really want from the French.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In Clarke's newest nonfiction on the French and francophiles (after A Year in the Merde), he offers actually 11 witty commandments for understanding the French. He tackles the stereotypical experiences tourists encounter, explaining why French waiters always ignore you, why everyone's always on strike or why Frenchmen are never wrong about anything. He explains the customs: how to decide when to kiss versus when to handshake, how to romance a French woman or how to be cuttingly rude while seeming polite, and how mispronouncing certain words (the noun "un baiser" means "to kiss"; the verb, "to screw") can get you in trouble (other expressions, like "je t'aime," can't be said often enough). Within Clarke's humorous anecdotes lie grains of seriousness. Why, for example, do the French constantly correct everyone's attempts to speak their language if they also want it to be accepted as a global language? And is it not significant that the French term for bedding someone, "conclure," translates as "to conclude"? In the end, this is an entertaining bon voyage present for anyone heading to France. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Clarke renders the flavor of life in Paris impeccably: the endless strikes, the sadistic receptionists, the crooked schemes by which the wealthy and well-connected land low-rent apartments…Clarke's eye for detail is terrific."--Washington Post

"Call him the anti-Mayle. Stephen Clarke is acerbic, insulting, un-PC and mostly hilarious."--San Francisco Chronicle

"Combines the gaffes of Bridget Jones with the boldness of James Bond…Clarke's sharp eye for detail and relentless wit make even the most quotidian task seem surreal."--Publishers Weekly

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Bloomsbury USA; First Edition edition (December 26, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1596913096
• ISBN-13: 978-1596913097
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #50,126 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Snails in Butter, February 6, 2007

By 

John R. Hoag (Brussels, Belgium) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Talk to the Snail: Ten Commandments for Understanding the French (Hardcover)

Dead-on introduction to French culture with wry humor. American readers may be uncomfortable with some of the correct reporting of how French intellectuals see us. But the author is right. On the other hand, the phrase book sections are comic relief of the finest sort. And he saves the real truth, and the best, for the last. Highly recommended before any adventure in France as a way to stave off stress.

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Spot on, July 7, 2007

By 

RonAnnArbor (Ann Arbor, MI United States) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Talk to the Snail: Ten Commandments for Understanding the French (Hardcover)

I have loved Stephen Clarke's novels but this humorous take on the French, all things French, and especially all things NOT British is a classic.

I spend a lot of time in Paris, and his observations are absolutely spot on. While he primarily writes about how the French see English speakers (i.e. the British, not necessarily Americans) his observations apply to both.

If you have never visited France, some of what he writes might seem rude. It is about as accurate in observation as I have read anywhere, however. Hurrah to Stephen Clarke! More! More!

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny book, June 24, 2007

By 

John - See all my reviews

This review is from: Talk to the Snail: Ten Commandments for Understanding the French (Hardcover)

This book is very funny. I laughed out loud. I think one interesting thing about it is, we can learn as much about other cultures (Anglo) as about the French. By highlighting what we find "odd" about the French, the author highlights what we value in Anglo culture. This book is very funny, and you can learn a lot about the French (they smoke a lot and tolerate passive smoking, they are individualists, they don't follow traffic lights or laws, they drink too much wine, but it is good wine, they brag about sex, they love their language, they love centralization (despite the fact that, individually, they reject the idea that the laws apply to them). They consider Anglo culture a "threat", even if that is a bit preposterous. They eat well. They take Friday afternoons off. I learned a lot in a very short time. This book is very, very funny.