The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex [Mass Market Paperback]

Sharon Maxwell Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 10, 2008

View our feature on Sharon Maxwell's The Talk.

A groundbreaking resource to help jump start an ongoing discussion between parents and teens about sex and sexuality Internet chat rooms, boy/girl sleepovers, reality TV . . . there’s more to “the talk” than ever before. Faced with a culture that pushes our kids to be “sexy” before puberty begins, how do we explain the power of sexuality in a way that promotes healthy, age-appropriate behavior?

The Talk is a breakthrough resource for parents and educators that prepares kids for a hypersexualized world and lays the foundation for ethical sexual behavior that can guide our children from elementary school through college.

Using real-life situations, Dr. Sharon Maxwell demonstrates how dramatically the world of preteen and teen sexual exploration has changed. She helps parents think through the message they want to give to their kids about sexual behavior, and how that message must evolve as their kids get older. Focusing on the importance of love and intimacy, Dr. Maxwell helps parents define their values about sex and gives concrete ways to share those values with teens.

The Talk shows parents how to:
* Set family guidelines for safe Internet use
* Address the social power that comes from looking sexy, and the personal responsibility each of us has to use that power appropriately
* Discuss the moral aspects of sexuality in ways teens will understand
* Help children recognize the difference between feelings of sexual desire and love
* Develop principles with our teens that will help them figure out when it’s okay to be sexual with someone and when it’s not

Dr. Maxwell connects the dots between reproduction, the potent power of sexiness, sexual desire, emotional intimacy, and the spiritual dimension of sexuality. Offering an innovative framework for looking at human sexuality, this book has the potential to change the national conversation on sex education.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“This is an excellent book for parents on how to talk to their children about sex. Dr. Maxwell gives practical guidance on sharing values with their children. Her focus on teaching self-discipline and developing self-control is a refreshing counterpoint to a pop culture that says we should have it all right now. I highly recommend The Talk to every parent.”
—Dr. Alvin F. Poussaint, Professor of Psychiatry and Faculty Associate Dean for Student Affairs at Harvard Medical School and Director of the Media Center of the Judge Baker Children's Center

“Dr. Maxwell brings to this issue a wealth of experience and insight. When working with our synagogue teens and parents her approach was honest, yet sensitive, blunt, yet caring. As an observer of the society around her she shows both keen interest and perspicacity. Teens and parents would be well advised to take to heart her message of sexual responsibility and awareness to combat the complicated, often contradictory, messages of our society.”
--Rabbi Starr, Temple Israel - Sharon, MA

"The mere thought of talking to their children about sex turns the average parent's thoughts to mush, drains the saliva completely from their mouths, and makes them nearly faint dead away. These are otherwise professionally competent and highly articulate adults we are talking about, mind you. But we cannot escape the fact that we parents are precisely the ones primarily responsible for shaping our children's beliefs and character and giving them sane and trustworthy guidance in the navigation of this techno-erotic culture of ours. Here is where Sharon Maxwell helps us, thankfully. This book will not give you pat answers, but it will give you a thoroughly complete picture of today's cultural landscape, together with a well rounded discussion of the nuances surrounding this issue. I wish I'd had this guide when my own son was younger - it would have given me useful tools, information and perspective, and also reduced my stammering! I enthusiastically commend this book to you, and wish you great success in this most important task of parenthood."
--Pastor Jim Pocock, Trinitarian Congregational Church - Wayland, MA

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Sharon Maxwell, Ph.D., has been a practicing clinical psychologist for seventeen years. She won a national award from Parenting Publications of America for her series of articles on sex education and recognition for her sexual health curriculum. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts features her work in its brochures on sex education in a DVD on teens and drunk driving. Maxwell lives near Boston.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Mass Market Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Avery Trade (April 10, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 158333310X
• ISBN-13: 978-1583333105
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #226,956 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for all parents, April 21, 2008

By 

Kathryn J. Alexander "Co-Author; Easy Labor, ... (North Carolina) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex (Mass Market Paperback)

Parenting has taken on a new dimension with all the technology available to kids in today's society. Traps loom at every turn, and parents need to beware of what our children are doing in school, after school, with their friends, and online. Even at playtime, do most parents really know what goes on in some of the video games our children spend endless hours with?
Written by an experienced adolescent and teenage psychologist, this book is a terrific resource that all parents should read, and this includes both mothers and fathers. In a comprehensive and easy-to-read manner, Dr. Maxwell explores the mind and behavior patterns of the typical American teenager, as well as the sources of stress, conflict, revolt and rebellion that make this age so difficult for both kids and adults alike. Nothing is sugar-coated in this graphic book, which explores everything, (yes everything) that our children are exposed to in their spectrum of life experiences. The book includes useful practical advice such as contracts we can make with our children, and specific guidelines that can help parents structure talks with their children about uncomfortable and awkward topics. Each chapter includes pullout sections of "Take it Home" tips, that make browsing the book for highlights an easy matter. Highly recommended (I should say required) reading for anyone with kids of any age today!

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Connecting the dots for your kids, May 29, 2010

By 

Kanchana Bandara (Kingston, Jamaica) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex (Paperback)

Like the author of this book I also found myself in a position where my kids got an introduction to sex in a very different way from how I would have wanted. This was the second book I purchased on this topic, and I think it has given me a practical and useful framework for addressing this very important topic with my kids. One of the most important point made in this book is that if we as parents are not proactive about talking to our kids about sex, other people (as individuals or through media advertising) will do the job for us...very often not in the way we would like. If we want to be the providers of information in this area, we have to take charge earlier than most of us parents would like to believe and encourage ongoing discussion on the topic.
The author addresses not only the biology aspect of sex but also the social power, sexual desire, relationship and also moral/ethical aspects of sex. The book is essentially about "connecting the dots" between this various aspects of sex in a way that allows the subject of sex to be addressed in a healthy wholesome way by parents. Other parties that may attempt to educate your children are likely to focus on a single aspect to further their own ends, not necessarily in the interest of the children. This is why the talk has to come from the parents.
She talks about some general principles of learning self control and treating others as you would like to be treated. These principles I think are applicable regardless of your religious and cultural background. However she does not push a one size fits all approach. Each chapter ends with a set of questions/activities designed to make you become more aware of where you as an individual stand on the various aspects of sex. Answering those questions or doing the activities helps you to consciously clarify what your own values and attitudes are. Then you can build your own talk to convey your values to your child.
I found this book easy to read, yet chock full of useful information as well as food for thought and discussion with other adults, as well as kids. To me it rightly emphasizes that sex is not simply the physical acts and desires but an amalgamation of physical, emotional, spiritual and ethical considerations, and that any talks we have with our kids about sex has to take into account all of these facets in order to be truly meaningful.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Unexpected Treasure, June 24, 2008

By 

Diane J. "CultureWatch" (Northern MA, United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex (Mass Market Paperback)

Not being a parent, a young person, or someone who works with kids, I didn't expect this book to be a page-turner, but it was ...! I read it in two eager sittings. It is totally engaging in both its tone and content. It is sane and inspired, honest and very, very practical. While focusing on the critical issue of sexual health and safety for young people (and people of all ages making sexual decisions), the book is also about much larger issues, ones that seem critical to our general well-being as a society these days. I knew while reading the Introduction that I would probably keep reading, and within another page or two I couldn't leave. What the author was saying was way too important ...

Admittedly, the book addresses one of my own personal bugaboos - media manipulation - but I was delighted to see that the author quickly lays a foundation for how balance and sanity can re-enter many different kinds of conversations and decisions we may be having/making these days ... In addition to excellent information about how and when to talk to kids about sex, this book offers information about becoming self-aware about conditions and situations that diminish us, and about how to make better decisions. Reading this book, I realized how very rare it is to come across anything in the media these days that helps us create a coherent picture of what is happening around us, or how to access a place where good guidelines and decisions can be formulated about sex, media exposure, Internet overstimulation and the like, and where these guidelines have enough coherent flexibility to grow with us. It was a pleasure to see "meaning" and "value" being reintroduced to the discussion, along with strategies for considering them as important components of our lives ...

On a more concrete level, the author clearly lays out the connections between all the complex topics and influences affecting young people & their parents both normally and in the hypersexualized environment we are experiencing today. Her chapters on morality/ethics were some of the most sanely-articulated and useful ones I have ever come across. And still, regardless of any wider "resonance" the author's guidelines may have within our culture, they are offered to us fully grounded in the world of "booty calls," casual impersonal sex among teens, and Internet pornography.

The author treads skillfully, and helps us navigate with her, some of the most sensitive of fine lines about differing religious teachings, parental control, and homosexuality. I was unexpectedly moved and uplifted by this book, by the author's compassion and professionalism, common sense and inspired intelligence ...

I can see this book being a relief, a guidebook, and an inspiration for parents and for any of us concerned about the health and well-being of our society.