How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence [Paperback]

Ken Druck (Author), Blanchard Dr. Ken (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 15, 2003

Bestselling author and school violence expert, Dr. Ken Druck, trains parents and teachers to tune into their children's worlds, manage their anger, teach them how to deal with potentially violent situations, handle a bully, and what to do if they see a gu

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Dr. Ken Druck provides a down-to-earth action plan for promoting safe schools, safe neighborhoods, and safe communities." -- HealthNewsDigest.com, http://healthnewsdigest.com/news/hlth_violence-36.html, September 29, 2003

"Parents are fortunate for a book to help us deal with violence and confront it; we need this book." -- Michael Johnson, Point Loma, CA PTSA Newsletter, October, 2003

"This book is an important tool for getting parents and kids to communicate and discuss school violence. A must read." -- Steve Viglione, November I AM Foundation Book of the Month, November, 2003

"This timely volume offers concise lessons that will prevent parents from experiencing the wounding, traumatizing, or killing of their child." -- Mary Beth Williams, Ph.D., LCSW, CTS, ISTSS Traumatic StressPoints Newsletter, August, 2003

From the Publisher

This book is the first in a series of parenting books. It focuses on bullying, gangs, and school violence, and presents these topics in a clear, concise way, with real-life scenarios. The reader-friendly style and tone help parents and educators effectively use and understand the practical tips and tools presented within the book’s pages.

Excerpt #1:

THE BEST (AND WORST) TIMES TO TALK WITH YOUR CHILD

When you speak with your child can be as important as what you’re talking about. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you choose the right moment for you to engage in a serious conversation with your child:

DON’T wait until you’re in the heat of the moment to bring things up. DO: Begin cultivating a family routine of talking things out right away.

DON’T bring up potentially embarrassing things in front of her siblings or friends. DO: Take it slow and realize you may have to find the right time to talk.

DON’T try to force a conversation when he is clearly upset and not ready to talk. DO: Tell him how much you appreciate his trust and honesty.

DON’T expect or pressure your child to open up all at once. DO: Be sensitive to how much privacy she needs to open up.

DON’T try to talk when it’s late at night or with the TV on in the background. DO: Ask, "Is this a good time to talk?" Give him your undivided attention.

DON’T speak in a harsh, critical, or nagging tone. DO: Be patient. Relax your face and voice.

Excerpt #2: BULLIES: HOW TO HANDLE ONE AND NOT BE ONE!

5 Ways to Handle a Bully:

Your child can use these five non-confrontational strategies to safely get out of a dangerous situation, safely defend himself—and save his pride.

1. Stay calm and alert. When dealing with an extremely angry individual, do nothing that will escalate the situation. Take a deep breath and consider the options. You might say something to diffuse the bully’s anger such as, "I don’t want any trouble." The goal is to get out of there, even when this means not acting on what you are burning to say or do.

2. Just walk away. Fighting with somebody who is trying to pick a fight with you isn’t worth it. Don’t allow yourself to be suckered into fighting over nothing. Walk away with your shoulders straight and your head held high. Nothing has been lost.

3. Take a non-violent stand. Speak respectfully and don’t make wisecracks. Things to say that work: • "I’ll talk it out with you, but I’m not going to fight you." • "I don’t want to fight you." • "Let’s both chill out and settle this thing peacefully." • "I have nothing against you and nothing to prove. Let’s just forget about it."

4. Report it to the authorities. Often a bully remains a bully until someone reports him. However, before filing a bullying complaint, discuss with the school and police how they will protect your child from retribution.

5. Walk, run, struggle, fight, but get away. Escape! Get out of danger as best you can and find safety. Call for help, yell for help, and send up a signal that somebody else might notice and come to your aid.

5 Ways to Prevent Your Child from Being a Bully:

If you suspect your child is threatening or picking on other kids, here are some ways to intervene:

1. Get the facts. If your child won’t tell you, talk to the other parents, teachers, and possibly the victim and/or the victim’s parents.

2. Your child should apologize to his victim and undo any damage to the extent it’s possible. For example, if you child destroyed the victim’s headphones, he must replace them.

3. Help your child understand that physical and/or emotional abuse of another person is never acceptable. The same goes for e-mail. Written words can be hurtful, too.

4. If your child hangs out with other bullies, you should separate him from that group. Driving you child home after school rather than letting him spend time with other bullies is one way. Another is finding positive after-school activities that help him get back on the right side of the fence.

5. Let your child talk about the fears and insecurities that might be causing him to act like a bully. Make an "action plan" to address those problems, like going for counseling or taking an anger management or anti-bullying class. Work to make his school a safer place.

Excerpt #3:

PICK UP YOUR CHILD’S DISTRESS SIGNALS

Most kids send out signals when something is really upsetting them. It’s our job to read them. But Sometimes our radar is down. We’re too stressed, too busy, or too upset ourselves to notice. Other times, we ask if they’re OK but get hit with "Fine, now leave me alone," and we allow ourselves to be talked out of our concern. Here are ten signals that indicate you need to initiate a talk to find out what’s bothering your child:

1. Your child is not acting "herself." Something is different. She may be hanging around or clinging to you, crying, sulking, or doing other things to draw your attention.

2. He is overly defensive or hostile when you ask, "Is anything wrong?"

3. She becomes uncharacteristically quiet or excessively angry over minor things.

4. He is retreating deeper and deeper into a fantast world—of violent video games, horror films, or heavy metal music—and is unreachable.

5. She pushes you away, complaining, "Just leave me alone!"

6. He says and/or does radical things that are actually calls for help and attention.

7. She has a look of desperation appears spaced out, drugged, or drunk.

8. He always seems irritable and on the verge of being upset.

9. He is testing you at every turn and is becoming a disciplinary problem.

10. She denies there’s a problem when something is obviously bothering her.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Onomatopoeia, Inc. (January 15, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0972234209
• ISBN-13: 978-0972234207
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,838,211 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

"We define (and distinguish) ourselves by how selflessly and courageously we love, summon up strength of heart (i.e. compassion and humility) in times of adversity, reinvent ourselves over a lifetime and give something back to the world."

Dr. Ken Druck has earned countless accolades as an author, speaker, organizational consultant and coach, master facilitator, parent educator and community leader over the past 35 years. He is the recipient of many honors and awards, including "Distinguished Contribution to Psychology", "Family Advocate of the Year" and "Visionary Leadership" for his innovative body of work with individuals, the community and our nation.

Although Ken's distinguished career began in Clinical Psychology where he earned his doctorate, he has been on the cutting edge of community and consulting psychology since the mid- 1970's. Ken founded a variety of community-based organizations to address the needs of its members. Most recently, he co-founded the Community Editorial Board of the San Diego Union-Tribune. Ken has published voluminously, including popular books like "The Secrets Men Keep" and "How to Talk to Your Kids..." and spoken-word CD's such as "Healing Your Life After the Loss of a Loved One" (done originally for the 9-11 families).

Ken Druck has consulted with the executive management teams and Boards of some of the world's most successful and innovative organizations, including Pfizer and Microsoft. Having worked with top leaders in business and government as a coach, Ken helped pioneer the field of executive coaching. He has taught innovative workshops and inspired audiences around the world, with upbeat presentations for distinguished organizations including The Young Presidents Organization and Million-Dollar Roundtable. He has appeared in local and national media (television, radio and print) many hundreds of times, including Oprah, Larry King Live, Donahue and Anderson Cooper, helping the general public deal with everything from the day-to-day challenges of living to terrible tragedies.

Above all his career accomplishments, and the considerable success of his company, Druck Enterprises, Inc., Ken has always prided himself on being a good and loving father, son, brother, uncle, friend, community member and citizen.

In 1996, Ken's life changed dramatically. The tragic death of his oldest daughter, Jenna, on a study abroad trip in India, inspired Ken to put his career aside and found the Jenna Druck Center. To honor Jenna, Ken, his loyal staff, Board and volunteers build the Center's programs, Families Helping Families (helping families who had lost a child) and Spirit of Leadership (a Jenna creation for teen girls), into highly-acclaimed, award-winning programs. Today, the Center has directly helped over 7,500 bereaved families and trained over 15,000 young women.

After many years of 60-70 hour work weeks as Executive Director, Chairman of the Board and primary resource for bereaved families at The Jenna Druck Center, Ken has gradually stepped back from the day-to-day operations. Wanting to touch even more lives with his message of hope, Ken went into retreat and wrote "The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life's Terms with Our Own." Ken also hired an amazing new team and revived Druck Enterprises Inc. to resume his coaching, consulting and speaking careers on a national and global stage.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars A Comprehensive and Well Written Guide..., November 3, 2004

By 

Tyrone V. Banks (Newington, CT USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence (Paperback)

Reviewed by: Tyrone Vincent Banks of Betsie's Literary Page

A Comprehensive and Well Written Guide to Protecting Your Children.


In today's world, children face many challenges that those of previous generations did not encounter and could not imagine. There were those who suffered during the depression, war and other disasters, but, as it has been said by millions - no one could ever imagine the events of 9-11. However, there is another tragedy amidst many other tragedies that we have faced, and will face.

Two figures wearing long black trench coats converge on a building carrying a bag of weapons. Utilizing various shotguns and semi-automatic weapons they begin to fire at the occupants of this building. This is not a scene from a movie - it is what is known as the worst U.S. school shooting in history. This is the Columbine Massacre. On April 20, 1999, 15 students perished - 13 innocent students and 2 gunmen. On that same day, 21 were injured.

Later we found out that the students were planning this for over a year. Others asked where they could attain such destructive resources and the mindset to carry out such a dastardly plan. Some exclaimed: "Where were their parents? Didn't they know?" This is where this book comes in. Dr. Druck and his motivated colleagues have created a guide that has been written to help parents protect their kids from violence and to prevent any violence that their children may carry out.

It is not designed as a "cure" to the sickness that violence has become. Society has become desensitized to violence. We see it in movies, on websites, video games, and sports events and even in the cartoons that our children watch. We wonder where the resources come from. Just go to your computer and type in anything and the answer - in detail - will flash on your screen within moments. The previous statements have determined the mindset and resources and now another factor has to be discussed; prevention.

How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence has outlined a proactive course of prevention. It starts with parents becoming role models in spite of their imperfections and the experiences that have molded them into the adults that they have become. We want our children to live better lives. There has always been a focus on avoiding strangers and not getting into strange vehicles - but now we must include scenarios in which kids bring weapons to school. It doesn't matter if you think that your kid is too young to carry out such plans, as mentioned earlier, violence and vengeance surrounds our children on a daily basis. We must teach them to report weapons or other destructive mediums to adults in authority. We must talk to our children, in a non-judgmental/non confrontational manner to defeat violent thoughts before they are acted upon.

Parents are the first line of defense and sometimes the persons that kids rely on as a basis for their decisions. If we make poor decisions they may be cursed with doing the same thing. Open communication is the first step to preventing violence. The "that will never happen to my kid!" mentality has to be defeated if we want to protect our children. How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence includes the statistics, resources and game-plan for helping our children thrive in this difficult world. There are several "what-if" scenarios included to help you conquer the unknown questions or subjects that you may face.

We live in a violent world and education and information may be the only shields that will protect you against this violence. How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence may be one of the first steps in helping your child cope with the pressures of society and make positive decisions. Even if you think that you have all of the answers, keep this fact in mind, the questions have changed.

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For Any Parent, November 7, 2003

By 

Jeanne (San Diego, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence (Paperback)

With two teenage children of my own, I feared for their safety even in a small town suburbia like ours. All the violence they face in the media and in their schools. I received this book from a friend who swore that it helped her with her teenage daughter. I found this book easy to read and organized by specific topics. A great reference guide when any situation with your teen comes up. If you have kids you MUST buy this book.