Customer Reviews

Talking the Winner's Way: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Business and Personal Relationships

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

Hi

I found this book interesting; I've tried many of the techniques and found that they work very well.

Unfortunately, the author has little genuine warmth, empathy or interest in other people.

One example (not untypical). The authors 'good friend' had started a business and Leil (the author) introduced her to an important - powerful - contact. The author's friend 'messed up' when she contacted the 'important person' - she didn't have a pen and asked him to wait a few minutes whilst she got one. The author's reaction 'that's the last time I'll introduce her to anyone'. Jeez - I'm glad she's not my 'good friend'.

I thoroughly recommend it to anybody who wants to communicate more effectively i.e. get what they want out of other people - respect, friendship, business, a job, etc.

However don't let it turn you into a self-centered, manipulative, jerk.

Remember that communications techniques can help in one off relationships (e.g. a job interview, sales call), can help lubricate new relationships (a first date), and increase your social standing (working a party, or social engagement).

They can't help in long-term relationships (when a date becomes your girl/guy, on the job, parenting, etc.) For that you need to invest in your character.

Happy reading

Afam Edozie

One caveat, before my review... if you're dubious about buying this book because of the negative reviews (as I was, at first), then please consider this:

If you've read "How to Win Friends and Influence People," then you should already know the basic mental trick needed for how to be a great conversationalist. You have to wrap your mind around the fact that people don't want to hear about *you*. It's not what *you* say that makes people like you, but how interested you are in what the *other* person has to say. (After all, whose face do you look for first in a group photograph? Everyone else thinks the same way.)

Leil Lowndes didn't spend much time explaining this, like Dale Carnegie did; so I can understand why certain reviewers might have misinterpreted this book as "sucking up" or being manipulative. But take heart, friends -- her writing is delightfully NOT about petty flattering techniques (although there *is* a chapter on praise). (If you still don't see the difference, then consider getting "How to Win Friends," in addition to Lowndes' book.)

With that said, I'll admit that after reading Carnegie, I was still not a good conversationalist. Carnegie seemed to be a social person *anyway*, so being friendly came naturally for him. But myself, and others like me suffering from clinical depression / social anxiety / low self-esteem, will get much, much more from "Talking the Winner's Way."

Usually, when I'm at a party or at work, I'm paralyzed with doubts about how to act around other people. What do I say? What if I screw up? How the heck do I make banal "small talk" come out of my mouth without looking and sounding like an idiot? What about those horrible, awkward long pauses where conversation stutters to a halt? And so, there I stand, off in the corner all alone, palms sweaty and heart racing, without ever getting up the courage to butt in on excitedly gesturing circles of friends/coworkers. Lowndes addressed all of these insecurities, and gave me methods that actually made me *enjoy* mingling at a party two days ago.

Carnegie was an optimist -- he gives you some general social theories and assumes you'll make it all come out all right. Lowndes, on the other hand, seems to be a cynic -- which is ever so much more useful! She gives you all of the juicy details - every chapter is stuffed with meat, not fluff.

For example, Carnegie tells you to "smile." Lowndes tells you *how* to smile: wait a moment, soaking up the person's expression, THEN let a smile fill your face; this has the most impact. She teaches you how to make it genuine; and she recommends giving a slightly different smile for each person, to make them feel as if it's not an automatic reaction, but created especially for them. (The body language techniques alone are worth the price of this book; her strange "posture" technique seems to have cured my ten-year slump.)

This is not to say that Lowndes' book is a recap of Carnegie's. It's not -- it is *so* much more. Only the first few chapters are about general, friend-to-friend techniques. The rest (the bulk of the book) are more specifically oriented to modern business situations. That, also, has been very helpful to me, but in a very different way. I've always felt that I was missing some sort of secret code when talking to managers, etc. (Why are you supposed to say, "Mr. X can't come to the phone right now," instead of "Mr. X isn't here," anyway? The latter is more honest.) Now, I understand. Now, I speak that secret code, too.

There are plenty of techniques for fitting in with the world of the "Big Winners" -- those men and women who seem to have a subconscious understanding of how to act consistently professional as they sit in their Faberge'-filled mansions comfortably discussing new investments. She tells you how to mimic their vocabulary, mood, perceptions, movements. She tells you how to deal, how to network, how to speak industryese. (I simply cannot wait to try out this stuff at my next job interview!)

Several chapters are about business faux-pas -- things you should NOT do. And it's not all "common sense" warnings, either. I personally had no idea that you're not supposed to say "gesundheit" when someone sneezes, eat or drink at cocktail parties, talk about business at a business lunch, or ask what a new acquaintance does for a living.

This is where her cynicism comes out... because apparently, the "Big Cats," as she calls them, will pick up on your mistakes, and one little flub can ruin your influence with them forever. On the other hand, brilliant interaction with them will give you a sterling reputation and eventually turn you into a "Big Cat," too.

After reading this book and practicing the techniques, I feel like I've gone from wallflower to corporate climber. Do yourself a favor and start climbing, too!

Twelve bucks? For methods that will earn you respect, new friends, and probably get you promoted? It's worth every penny.

I'll repeat what an August 5th reviewer stated : If you've already bought the book How To Talk To Anyone - 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by the same author then don't buy this book as it is the same. I bought both of them together and was really annoyed when I discovered they were the same. How can someone re-write a book under a different title without any mention of this fact on the book cover ?

You'll also note that Editorial review of both books is the same and have the same quotes from Larry King and McKay. Shame on Amazon for not giving me a full refund!

If you've already bought the book How To Talk To Anyone - 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by the same author then don't buy this book as it is the same. I bought both of them together and was really annoyed when I discovered they were the same. Am I the only person who has realized this ? How can someone re-write a book under a different title without any mention of this fact on the book cover ?
Either way I found both books to have too many tips related to business relationships whereas I am more interested in personal realtionships.

This book is great. This could turn any shy person into the center and life of a party. Leil Lowndes gives great tips, and her life experiences to go along with those tips. Such tips as matching your person's mood. Being a "word detective", or parroting. I noticed that my brother, who is a very charismatic person (I'm not that outgoing), using simple tips found in this book such as parroting (repeating what the other person said, such as "I like this book", "What do you find so intresting about it") This technique alone can keep a conversation going, but there are still 91 more technique's in this book. You'll never run out of things to say.

I've read other small talk books, but this is the best one out there. It doesn't only teach you how to make first impressions, "pick-ups", or business chat, but also how to maintain conversations, and how to get that in-depth conversation.

The techniques in this book are great because whenever you think, "Hmm, what did she mean by that", she always associates it with her life experiences and then it becomes clear. With this book, you will NEVER run out of conversation.

I won't go as far as to say that this book turned my life around, but it most definitely changed it--before reading it, I was just another guy who was scared of dates, conversations, parties, etc. Now, I am so confident about my abilities to have a meaningful conversation with anyone--be it a client or an attractive woman that I have just met--and to get them to think highly of me that I have managed to overcome this fright. There is no doubt that you too can optimize your conversational skills with this book.
The book is written in a friendly, easy-to-understand fashion, and the author uses analogies to real-life situations which make her overall ideas much easier to understand. Also, I didn't notice one grammatical error in the entire book, which is really rare nowadays.
On the downside, there is only one thing that comes to mind--the ideas in this book are hardly backed up by research. I mean, there are references about once a chapter to research that has been done, but there are too little to make the author seem credible.
For this reason, I almost gave the book four starts except five. But then I thought: Why did I buy this book in the first place?--Was it to read about research, or to improve my conversation skills(and thus my social life)? After all, if something works, then who cares if it isn't backed up by research?
Just a note: Leil Lowndes published another book with a similar name--it is the same book, as several other reviewers have mentioned.

If you liked Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People," then there's no doubt you'll enjoy this. In fact, "Talking the Winner's Way" is practically a modern version of Carnegie's book. Presenting 92 techniques, Lowndes discusses ways to carry a decent or appealing conversation, allow you the benefit of first-impressions, and several other methods building your way to remebrance as a good person. Sometimes Lowndes's style of writing became a little repetitive and unprofessional, but I still enjoyed it. I really couldn't put this book down. Of course, having read the book, I was a little down having realized I was doing some things completely wrong. I also understand this book can easily be used to manipulate people. If that's your cup of soup, then knock yourself out. But "Talking the Winner's Way" is also one more step in creating a world full of likeable people. We like that.

Truly a book worth reading. Most books I have read on this topic focus on public speaking from a very broad perspective. This book gives you valuable tips in every scenerio from business to social. I read it prior to an interview and am convinced it was a large part of my success in landing a six figure job.

When I first saw Leil Lowndes's Talking the Winner's Way I knew I had found the perfect follow-up book to Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. I use Carnegie's book in my fall semester business & industry class and needed someting to perfect and refine the students' skills. Talking the Winner's Way has been ideal as a way to introduce college seniors to contemporary business etiquette; they love the colorful, memorable examples and the value system embodied in her positive approach.

Don't expect this book to change your life, but if you are able to apply what is taught in this book you'll definitely find it easier to socialize and "talk like a winner". Of course the problem with all selfimprovement books is actually implementing what you learn. You have to do what the author tells you or else you're wasting your money. Putting these 92 "tricks" into practice will take some work, but in time it becomes habit. If you're willing to reach that point then this book is without a doubt worth it.