Customer Reviews

Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work

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TALKING FROM 9 TO 5: WOMEN AND MEN AT WORK by Deborah Tannen is a book that everyone should read if he or she goes to work, anywhere. If you are a boss or have a boss, you should read this book (thank you Mom & Dad). If you work with other people, you should read this book. Now that I have stressed that, I will tell you more about the book's focus and the points Tannen makes very well. She is well known for her book, YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, which I have not read, but which is about how relationship problems come about due to differing communication styles between women and men ("Report" talk by men vs. "rapport" talk by women -- women talk "troubles talk" to build community, when men hear this, they are more than likely to feel that the problems need solving and will say what to do; this creates dissonance as the woman just wants to feel understood not "bossed" around, and the man can't understand why she's telling him problems if she doesn't want solutions). This book takes those issues to work and through many examples from her own research and others in sociolinguistics, anthropology and sociology, Tannen makes the point that different communication styles are problematic only when people don't understand them, that there is no "better" way to talk than another. Tannen made a fascinating point about communication styles and conversation rituals. She writes that people think they can tell when someone is lying to them, but research shows that really, people are not good at discerning this. In a similar way, we think we can tell if someone is confident and a good leader by the way they talk, but we can't. A woman, who raises the tone of her statements to sound like questions, who gives indirect orders and who seeks input before making decisions may often be assumed to be weaker than a man in a similar role, but her conversation rituals are not a true mark of who she is; they are the communication style that she was more likely than not socialized to use as a woman. Likewise, men are assumed to want the floor and command, when sometimes they would rather not take it. Tannen gives evidence on how difficult it is for women to be heard in meetings, and provides anthropological studies that show that as far back as age 3, boys listen to boys and girls listen to girls at play, but boys do not listen to girls, and may ignore and insult them when they pipe up to direct activities. This book is not a polemic against men or masculine styles. Tannen finds that most communication styles are appropriate in many instances. There is more than one way to get the job done, and sometimes, a masculine style is better than a feminine style, and sometimes the opposite is true, but she makes it very clear that a lack of that understanding can be detrimental to organizations because of erroneous assumptions made about people's abilities based on their conversational style. One of her overriding points, born out by her research, is that women tend to talk to build community and do nont like to stand out for accomplishments or for failures in a group. They will engage in ritual talk that seeks inclusion so as to maintain good feeling among the group, not because they are insecure and need to feel that no one dislikes them. Men, on the other hand, tend to engage in one-up talk, are more sensitive to being one down, and will take the lead to avoid being bested. (When a woman who is trying to build community is "one-upped" by a man who takes her ritualistic talk and her willingness to put herself down to create harmony, she feels "betrayed" by his spurning of her communal talk to take the upper hand. Who is "right?" Neither, but their reactions to the same conversation may be very different and in some cases, harmful to the organization.) This book really changed the way I think about organizational life, the assumptions that I draw, the way I have communicated with people who worked for me, and what I will strive to do in the future. Even if you don't read the whole thing, buy it and keep it around. The last chapter, "Who gets heard" is especially instructive, and the afterword is a great essay on the issue with justification for her methods and theories. I think this book would be perfect for anyone who reports to someone of the opposite gender or who is the boss of same. But because the standards for styles are not entirely gender based, I would, again, suggest this book to EVERYONE.

One of the most frequent criticisms I have heard of this work from my colleagues is, "So what do I do about it?", "How do I fix it?" Interesting enough to me, most of these comments were from men. Most of my female colleagues seemed more content to understand, appreciate and work within the differences. Deborah Tannen is careful not to show a preference for one style over another, and careful to respect both speaking modes. This approach can be very frustrating to anyone looking for a "How to" business book. This book is not about solutions any more than a book comparing the French and Spanish cultures is about solutions. It is about understanding linguistic/cultural differences. Those who understand will appreciate the "other's" language. Those who do not understand will keep on misunderstanding, wondering what is wrong and looking for a book that will tell them how to fix it. I regularly recommend this book to every business woman in one of my seminars. And, I recommend that they also buy copies for (a) their boss and (b) all of their subordinates . . . particularly if they are men.

Dr. Tannen has written several books detailing the effect of gender upon conversational style. This book, specifically, offers insights specific to the work place. The author cites research to substantiate her claims, but she does not bore the reader with scientific paradigms -- she speaks in a language we all can understand. The biggest problem with the book is that it does not seem to flow. Her theories need to be better articulated through the book, and she needs to spend more time making sure that everything does not run together. If you have not read "You just don't understand," and you have a choice between the two books, pick that one. It will give the same information in a more organized way.

I wish I would have read this book 20 years ago. It was an eye-opening experience. As a female executive working in a male-dominated profession, this book shed new light on interactions I've had with male colleages, bosses and employees where I felt something had been "lost in translation" but couldn't put my finger on why. Put another way, this book teaches you the other gender's "secret language."

In a dream world, this would be mandatory reading for all men in the workplace. Males who are not aware of these communication differences are likely not hiring or promoting talented female employees because they misconstrue their politeness for passiveness, or their humble remarks (or even self-degrading remarks) for lack of confidence, etc.

As a working woman, reading this book gave me an advantage. After reading it, I find myself using a different communication style now with males at work than I do with females at work. At least now I am aware of how the "female" communication style I naturally use is probably being heard by my male superiors. Likewise, as a boss I've put this book, along with "Who Moved My Cheese?", on the reading list for new hires.

Substantively, I felt the book could have used some major editing starting about half-way through where it became a bit tedious. But it's worth the read for the important lessons learned.

Lastly, others have criticized this book for not offering solutions to the problem. The solution is awareness. If both genders are aware of these communication differences, the problem is virtually eliminated.

The science of psycholinguistics is one of the hardest to write in, from what I see. For one, it's necessary to keep in mind that what may be the norm in a certain place for a certain time is not, de facto, what may apply to other places and periods. Also, the cultural influences on language happen to change fast, and the books that were relevant and up-to-date just a few years ago seem disappointingly irrelevant today.

Writing for a journal, where your research is given a proper time and place frame, is very different from writing popular versions made for the public at large. I recommend reading articles (Dr. Tannen has several that are excellent reads, among them _Gender in research on language - Researching gender-related patterns in classroom discourse_ Tesol Quarterly 30 (2): 341-344, from 1996) rather than books if you are truly interested in this topic.

As it is, and in spite of the good writing style, the book has far too many generalizations that do not apply to all places, nor do they apply to current times. I recommend "I Only Say This Because I Love You" instead, or even better, her articles.

This book makes me acutely conscious of the way I communicate with other people, both women and men (as did "You Just Don't Understand" when I read it several years ago). Without mandating a certain method of communication or telling us how we must change our ways of talking to one another, Tannen illustrates and defines patterns and gives us enough information to work it out for ourselves. I definitely recommend this book to any woman in the workplace who wants to be seen as confident and competent without being labled as the B word.

I don't remember how this got onto my book shelves, but there it was when I was looking for something to read.

Wish I'd read it years ago. When I think back to the times in my work life when I had difficulty, it was never because I couldn't accomplish a technical task. No, it was because I couldn't communicate effectively with a co-worker or boss. (Sometimes my being a knucklehead didn't help either.)

The book is written, I think it's fair to say, for the benefit of women, but it works as a good guide for men, too, on how we Americans talk at work. (Americans because, as I learned from the book, other cultures -- the Japanese, especially -- talk very differently than we do.)

The author is a college professor and linguist, and sometimes quotes more research studies than we need to know about. Sometimes you'll wish an editor had convinced her to cut to the chase, or not present that particular argument at all.

But if you're a woman in the work force, or have a loved one who is, or are a male working with women, I think you'll find this book interesting and valuable. You might, as I did, start listening to conversations at work in a different way, almost as a linguist would.

One chapter, "Marked: Women in the Workplace," is an eye-opening tour de force. It makes me marvel even more at those isolated examples of successful women in the Fortune 500, and what barriers they overcame to achieve the top rungs.

This is one of those books that's like your first pair of glasses, letting you see more clearly the reality that had, unknowingly, been a blur.

In seminars, I often ask "How many here have had a conversation with someone of the opposite gender that didn't go quite the way you thought it would?" After all the hands are up, I explain that I'll draw on two very different but extremely helpful authors, John Gray and Deborah Tannen, to help folks sort this gender communication puzzle out. This is a fundamental, research-based, solid explanation of the ways in which the genders in the US workplace differ in their communication styles. It sheds a blindingly bright light on previously unexamined habits, and on rituals all too often taken for granted. There's no judgement here, just much-needed explanation, complete with illustrative interview excerpts and anecdotes. In the spirit of early intervention, bringing this information to the next generation, I included "Understanding girl talk and guy talk" in Letters to My Granddaughters; Insights and inspiration for a life journey

Deborah Tannen's book, Talking from 9 to 5, was definitely an eye opener. It made me realize that there are many troubles we face as women in the work field and also the affects of bad communication by both genders. What I enjoyed most was her way of telling stories to engage the reader and indirectly educate them on the issues she raises in her book. I honestly felt like I was reading more of a guide than a debate about female treatment in the workplace. For every topic of discussion there was both a male and female perspective. Though her focus was more on women, she did not offend the opposite sex or try to bring them down. The parts I found most interesting focused on the stereotypes of women, or the mark on women, in the workplace. I also found the chapter about women in authority interesting, especially since I hope to be one some day. For someone who barely enjoys reading, this book definitely engaged my interests and influenced me to think about the issues I may face as a female in the engineering field. Overall I would recommend this to many women, and even men, who are interested in learning about the differences in communication between men and women, in the workplace.

This is the first of Dr. Tannen's books I've read, so I don't know how it compares to the others (oh, fooey--there I go with a qualifying statement!!) but I kept finding myself thinking, 'so what do we DO about it?!' The book is extremely well written and noted, but it gets really depressing to page through countless examples of women's handicaps in business-speak without some relief. There are a few warnings about trying to alter one's style to 'fit in,' but no hints, no clues, no steps to take to extinguish, if not reverse, current behavior. This is not to say it isn't good reading, just not what I'd hoped to find.