Talking with Young Children about Adoption [Paperback]

Ms. Mary Watkins (Author), Dr. Susan Fisher M.D. (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0300063172 | ISBN-13: 978-0300063172 | Publication Date: February 22, 1995

Current wisdom holds that adoptive parents should talk with their child about adoption as early as possible. But no guidelines exist to prepare parents for the various ways their children might respond when these conversations take place. In this wise and sympathetic book, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, discuss how young children make sense of the fact that they are adopted, how it might appear in their play, and what worries they and their parents may have. Accounts by twenty adoptive parents of conversations about adoption with their children, from ages two to ten, graphically convey what the process of sharing about adoption is like.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This book, designed to help adoptive parents, as well as professional counselors and therapists, deal with questions youngsters ask about their adoption, contains revealing conversations between parents and their children, aged two to 10, from 20 families of all kinds--single, lesbian and interracial, among them. Psychologist Watkins ( Waking Dream ) and psychoanalyst Fisher (coauthor of To Do No Harm ) are themselves adoptive mothers. Stressing that "the adoptive family integrates diversity," and that "children come into families in different ways," the authors seek to prepare parents to acquaint children with their origins through frank talk, stories and play. The children's contribution in the book shows them ready to face reality, for the most part; their comments are probing, humorous and touching.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 270 pages
• Publisher: Yale University Press (February 22, 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0300063172
• ISBN-13: 978-0300063172
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #73,214 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #42 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

100 of 101 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars a "must read" for any parents of adopted children, February 21, 1999

By 

[e-mail] (United States of America) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Talking with Young Children about Adoption (Paperback)

My son was adopted at birth nearly 5 years ago. when I set out to find a book that would guide me through the many questions I knew would be coming my way, both from him and others, I went to my local library and poured through the many books on the subject. This book was, by far, the best one. I have read it cover to cover more than once and it has become my "bible" when taking to my son. This book actually anticipates the questions he will be asking me AND in the order he will ask them. I'm amazed at how accurate it is! Don't miss the chance to share the adoption experience in a way that is comfortable for you and most of all comfortable for your child.

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This is must-read for all adoptive parents!, November 10, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Talking with Young Children about Adoption (Paperback)

This is a marvelous book with great information about disussing adoption with young children. Our daughter is just 4 years old, adopted 2 years ago from Russia, and has suddenly been full of questions about her adoption. This book was on my bookshelf, browsed but not really referred to until now. It has been such a wealth of information and support. We have gained much insight into her feelings and emotions from the case studies presented. Every adoptive parent should own this book- you will be glad that you do!

66 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read ASAP if you have an adopted baby or child!, April 8, 2002

By 

Tonya S. Blanchford "tblanchford" (Rochester Hills, MI) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Talking with Young Children about Adoption (Paperback)

In my opinion, you can't read this book too early. As a matter of fact, the earlier the better.

The first thing I realized in reading this book is how young the children are/can be when they start talking and asking questions about their adoption. They're beginning around the age of three in many cases! Our son is 15 months old now and I thought I'd have several years to read this book when in reality I need to be introducing him to the word "adoption" and other phrases about our adopting him now so that he's familiar with the words by the time he can understand them.

The book gives numerous stories of children and how they ask questions and talk about their adoption. What things are important to them to know. How they talk to their friends about adoption. How we as parents need to be truthful right from the very beginning. Explaining why the parents look different from the child. Talking about their tummy-mommy and who she is and why she let someone else adopt him/her. And how the children like to act out the day their parents first saw them (hundreds of times!) and how to deal with that when the child wants to alter the story.

It also addresses the issue of parents who decide not to tell their children about adoption.

This book will give adoptive parents ideas on how to talk (what to say exactly) to their children when they ask some difficult questions. Kids are smart! They ask thorough questions about their adoption and many times they'll ask the questions years before we think they will.

This book has helped me to prepare for my son's questions, whenever they come, and has helped me to see that it's okay to be "freaked out" at the idea of talking to him about it. It's put my mind at ease because now I have a better sense of what to say and how to say it. When to say it is up to your child. We don't have a lot of choice in the matter. When they want to know, they want to know! Or they may think we're hiding something bad from them. This book will help you along the path of discussion and prepare you for some questions and feelings your adopted child may have.

Excellent book for all adoption situations!