Current wisdom holds that adoptive parents should talk with their child about adoption as early as possible. But no guidelines exist to prepare parents for the various ways their children might respond when these conversations take place. In this wise and sympathetic book, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, discuss how young children make sense of the fact that they are adopted, how it might appear in their play, and what worries they and their parents may have. Accounts by twenty adoptive parents of conversations about adoption with their children, from ages two to ten, graphically convey what the process of sharing about adoption is like.
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Book Description
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
This book, designed to help adoptive parents, as well as professional counselors and therapists, deal with questions youngsters ask about their adoption, contains revealing conversations between parents and their children, aged two to 10, from 20 families of all kinds--single, lesbian and interracial, among them. Psychologist Watkins ( Waking Dream ) and psychoanalyst Fisher (coauthor of To Do No Harm ) are themselves adoptive mothers. Stressing that "the adoptive family integrates diversity," and that "children come into families in different ways," the authors seek to prepare parents to acquaint children with their origins through frank talk, stories and play. The children's contribution in the book shows them ready to face reality, for the most part; their comments are probing, humorous and touching.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
108 of 109 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
My son was adopted at birth nearly 5 years ago. when I set out to find a book that would guide me through the many questions I knew would be coming my way, both from him and others, I went to my local library and poured through the many books on the subject. This book was, by far, the best one. I have read it cover to cover more than once and it has become my "bible" when taking to my son. This book actually anticipates the questions he will be asking me AND in the order he will ask them. I'm amazed at how accurate it is! Don't miss the chance to share the adoption experience in a way that is comfortable for you and most of all comfortable for your child.
70 of 73 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In my opinion, you can't read this book too early. As a matter of fact, the earlier the better.
The first thing I realized in reading this book is how young the children are/can be when they start talking and asking questions about their adoption. They're beginning around the age of three in many cases! Our son is 15 months old now and I thought I'd have several years to read this book when in reality I need to be introducing him to the word "adoption" and other phrases about our adopting him now so that he's familiar with the words by the time he can understand them.
The book gives numerous stories of children and how they ask questions and talk about their adoption. What things are important to them to know. How they talk to their friends about adoption. How we as parents need to be truthful right from the very beginning. Explaining why the parents look different from the child. Talking about their tummy-mommy and who she is and why she let someone else adopt him/her. And how the children like to act out the day their parents first saw them (hundreds of times!) and how to deal with that when the child wants to alter the story.
It also addresses the issue of parents who decide not to tell their children about adoption.
This book will give adoptive parents ideas on how to talk (what to say exactly) to their children when they ask some difficult questions. Kids are smart! They ask thorough questions about their adoption and many times they'll ask the questions years before we think they will.
This book has helped me to prepare for my son's questions, whenever they come, and has helped me to see that it's okay to be "freaked out" at the idea of talking to him about it. It's put my mind at ease because now I have a better sense of what to say and how to say it. When to say it is up to your child. We don't have a lot of choice in the matter. When they want to know, they want to know! Or they may think we're hiding something bad from them. This book will help you along the path of discussion and prepare you for some questions and feelings your adopted child may have.
Excellent book for all adoption situations!
44 of 44 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This is a marvelous book with great information about disussing adoption with young children. Our daughter is just 4 years old, adopted 2 years ago from Russia, and has suddenly been full of questions about her adoption. This book was on my bookshelf, browsed but not really referred to until now. It has been such a wealth of information and support. We have gained much insight into her feelings and emotions from the case studies presented. Every adoptive parent should own this book- you will be glad that you do!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars
Required
We were required to purchase this book as a part of our home study process. Honestly, you may get a few nuggets out of a book, but most of what you need is going to come from being... Read more
Published 9 months ago by J. D. Jareo
5.0 out of 5 stars
Insightful and very helpful
This book answers the myriad of questions surrounding adoption and dealing with this delicate issue with adopted children. Read more
Published 13 months ago by kateclaremore
5.0 out of 5 stars
Must Read!
If you are an adoptive parent as I am, this book will be invaluable to you. If you are considering adoption, I would definitely get this book ASAP. Read more
Published on March 14, 2011 by Julie Anne Rosario
2.0 out of 5 stars
Difficult to read
While this book may be informative regarding adoption it was one of the most difficult books to read. Too academic and heavy. Read more
Published on September 30, 2009 by Kathleen Rhein
5.0 out of 5 stars
I Always Recommend this Book to Parents!
I have spoken to many adoptive parents over the years and without fail, I always recommend this book. It is a true gem in adoption literature. Read more
Published on June 26, 2006 by Sherrie Eldridge (Fishers, IN)
3.0 out of 5 stars
just ok
This book could be great if it was edited better. It had some good points but you have to wade through all the words to figure out what they are trying to say. Read more
Published on March 26, 2006 by missgirl
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the best I have seen
If you wish some help in how to open conversations on adoption, then this is a good book and it has many examples to see how things may vary with each child and helps to choose... Read more
Published on March 10, 2006 by John Guest
5.0 out of 5 stars
beautifully and sensitively written
I couldn't disagree more with the comment below that this was written by "some over-educated women with too much time on their hands. Read more
Published on August 25, 2005 by J. Thomas
4.0 out of 5 stars
Imperative Insight
My husband and I both read this book. Although the initial portion was a bit lengthy and exhaustive on the research and imperical data information, the dialogues between parents... Read more
Published on July 17, 2005 by K. Heil
5.0 out of 5 stars
Australian reader
I loved this book, the first few chapters are academic but stress that childrens reactions to situations don't necessarily reflect the fact that they're unhappy with their adoptive... Read more
Published on March 20, 2005 by C. Flowers
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 59
books:
See all 59 books this book cites
24
books
cite this book:
See all 24 books citing this book
- Shared Fate by H.D. Kirk on 4 pages
- The Psychology of Adoption by David M. Brodzinsky in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- Readings in Adoption by Evelyn Smith in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- Thinking About the Family: Views of Parents and Children by R. D. Ashmore in Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
- The Invulnerable Child (Guilford Psychiatry Series) by Anthony Cohler in Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
See all 59 books this book cites
- Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge on 15 pages
- The Adoption Resource Book, 4th edition by Lois Gilman on page 347, Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
- Journey Of The Adopted Self: A Quest For Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past by Betsy Keefer on page 11, page 23, and Back Matter
- Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption by E. Wayne Carp on page 221, and Back Matter
See all 24 books citing this book
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