Customer Reviews

Taming Marital Arguments: Breaking Out of the T.R.A.P.

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Marital arguments are symptoms of the deep-set malaise that grips the vast majority of marriages only a few years into these onerous and unnatural arrangements. This book is one of the most level-headed looks at nuptial discord. It offers, in equal measures, compassion, unflinching observation, and practical advice, all wrapped in a thorough investigation of why erstwhile lovers, mates, and partners turn into hateful, inanely bickering enemies. Like their political counterparts , marital arguments are bitter and uncompromising precisely because they pack a wallop of emotions and common history. The book first disentangles the web of expectations and self-deceit that underlie conjugal contracts and then proceeds methodically to unravel the intricate network of wounds and triggers that give rise to fights and shouting matches in marriage.

The book proceeds from an overview of self-feeding and self-reflecting marital dynamics to an exposition of the role in the bond of the psychology of the partners, especially if they are bent on avoiding a repeat of earlier traumas and pain. A variety of emotions, counter-emotions, traits, and behaviors contribute to the breakdown of communications and, consequently, of marriages. The author does a superb job of analyzing them all and, thus, demonstrating why partners are sometimes perceived by their nearest and dearest to be threatening and subversive rather than nurturing and supportive. To sidestep such pitfalls, the author advocates enhanced self-awareness and self-administered behavior modification and provides the tools to accomplish these goals. The book is most helpfully interspersed with examples of arguments and fights between couples and how to resolve them productively as well as questionnaires and tests.

"Taming Marital Arguments" is proof that a book should never be judged by the number of its pages. It packs into its slender spine more punch and value for money than many a thickset textbooks about couples and their communication problems. An absolute delight! Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited".