Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits [Paperback]

Michael H. Popkin (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 6, 2007

Do you dread parent-teacher conferences?

Does your child really know how to push your hot button?

Has your child been labeled "defiant" or "rebellious"?

Here are proven strategies that have helped millions to tame -- not break -- a spirited child.

Parents are often faced with scary labels for their children, such as attention deficit disorder, learning disabilities, bipolar disorder, or hyperactivity. In this uniquely prescriptive guide, leading parenting expert Dr. Michael Popkin shows parents how to think differently about so-called problem children. The effective strategies within this guide will quiet the difficulties spirited children have at home and school while exposing the unique, special gifts they possess.

Develop a relationship with your spirited child by:

-- Building relationship skills -- Disciplining with encouragement

-- Balancing the power dynamic -- Curbing tantrums effectively

With step-by-step methods for every type of misbehavior and every child's unique personality, this comprehensive guide will help parents cultivate their child's spark, not extinguish it -- and reach beyond depressing labels for their beloved children.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychologist and parenting expert Popkin, a frequent Oprah guest, devotes his latest title to helping parents "tame" kids who are difficult or spirited. Popkin has a fondness for acronyms, such as CAPPS to describe the spirited child as Curious, Adventurous, Powerful, Persistent and Sensitive. Parents may very well recognize their child's traits in these pages and appreciate the author's understanding of the frustration spirited kids often inspire. Popkin offers parents strategies to calm and defuse their child's anger, and ways to build a nurturing relationship without fighting or giving in, such as using his FLAC process ("meant to reduce the amount of flack in your relationship with your child," using Feelings, Limits, Alternatives and Consequences). Many books offer pick-and-choose options, but Popkin encourages readers to read his complete work before trying his tactics, as his methods are interwoven in a manner than helps build and balance the parent/child relationship. Included are plenty of hands-on activity suggestions parents can employ to avoid power struggles and give spirited kids the time, space and behavior structures they need. Tackling the book in its modest entirety will be easy for most readers as Popkin is an entertaining writer with keen insights; his own son was a spirited youngster, and the author draws from personal experience as well as his professional expertise. (Mar.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Finally, a fresh approach to the whole 'difficult child' category. In this insightful and moving work, Michael Popkin shows parents the positive potential of these spirited children without making excuses for their behavior. His 'taming' methods are as humane as they are effective." -- Thom Hartmann, author of Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception

"I adore the real strategies and know parents will be so grateful for the positive spin on 'spirit.' This is one of the best parenting books for raising challenging children." -- Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of No More Misbehavin'

"This text should be required reading for anyone responsible for children. As a pediatrician, I know that captivating the difficult-to-manage child's spirit and redirecting that energy into positive thoughts and actions can go a long way towards improving social outcomes." -- Dr. Melina McVicar, professor of Clinical Pediatrics, New York Medical College

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone; Original edition (March 6, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743286898
• ISBN-13: 978-0743286893
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 4.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #229,133 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars balanced parenting approach May 21, 2008

By M. Segelman

Format:Paperback

This book is my favorite parenting book. It is full of tricks and techniques, but the beauty of the book is really the overall approach to parenting. It is very valuable with ANY child, not just the most spirited ones. You really have to read the book through before you have a full picture of what your stance towards your kids should be.

I have read many different parenting books, some of which I found very helpful. In particular, I enjoyed Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books, including Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. It was very strong in learning how to respect your child's needs, listening to the emotions underlying their misbehaviors, and trying to work with them. It fell short in showing you how to teach the child limits despite their emotions. When I was following her approach, I got much better at preventing tantrums and meltdowns. However, when we did have tantrums, I would try out all her suggestions and when they still did not work I would feel so powerless that I would just lose it, drop all her loving techniques and try to force them into submission.

Dr Popkin leads you through how to build a fair, firm and friendly relationship, a perfect balance between permissiveness and authoritarianism, how to give them freedom WITHIN LIMITS so that you can be loving without getting stuck feeling powerless. In fact, he has a whole chapter on "the dynamics of power" to help you realize that when you lose it, they've won -- so it's pretty worthwhile to control yourself! He builds on Ms Kurcinka's approach (cites her in the bibliography) but "fills in the cracks" which I had from following her approach....

I would still recommend Ms Kurcinka's book if you need elaboration on how to understand your child's perspective and how to understand what makes you tick as the parent. However, if you're only going to read one parenting book, I would say to stick to this one. Read more ›

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Don't bother February 27, 2009

By Bill Jones

Format:Paperback

This book isn't awful, but it is useless compared to Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Some books, like Kurcinka's, are classics for a reason. Others, like Taming... are also-ran's. What little useful information Taming has seems "borrowed" from either Kurcinka's book or from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, which is another excellent resource to consider before buying this one.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource for parents with "spirited" kids November 5, 2007

By Mom of twins

Format:Paperback

Just when you think you have no options left and are about to lose your mind, this book comes in with hope and skills to work effectively with your spirited child. Not only is the author a professional in the field, he is also the father of a spirited child.

The only downside I would give the book are that there are so many points and guidelines that you almost have to have the book in hand while you are having an interaction with your child. I went through it with a highlighter the first time and I would definitely recommend reading it more than once, along with the other parent in the house.

Great strategies that really work.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Must have for parents! September 6, 2007

By C. Daughtridge

Format:Paperback

As the parent of a "spirited" child, this book has been invaluable. How to channel the creativity and spirit of a spirited child is so difficult and this book offers the solutions I was looking for. As I read the characteristics of a spirited child I felt like Dr. Popkin knew my son personally. The personal anecdotes and stories added humor and comfort in knowing the author had personal experience in raising such a child. Great book for any parent who wants to help their child strive, without breaking their spirit.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars It's all starting to make sense January 10, 2008

By Ivy Mac

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm not finished with this book yet, but I'm starting to understand why my child behaves in certain ways, and understanding is a gateway to improving (at least that's what I hope). For any other parents out there with beautiful children who seem to have more energy and enthusiasm than the world can hold, I definitely recommend this book. My 4-year-old daughter is sweet, smart, beautiful, charming, resourceful, imaginative, playful, fun, and affectionate. She's also relentless when it comes to getting what she wants. The tantrums can be spectacular in ferocity and duration. Other kids "cry it out" after a short time, but she will persist for hours. Dr. Popkin explains this behavior in loving terms that help me realize there is nothing "wrong" with my daughter, nor is there anything wrong with us as the parents who are raising her.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Strategies for dealing with difficult children February 7, 2009

By Jay

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This was an excellent book, I like specific 1-2-3 type books, and this one really is a great help. I didn't agree 100% with the author on every thing, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion (for example I just don't see the value in encouraging a child to take out his frustrations on a pillow or other object; it still encourages a violent physical reaction to stress in my opinion). Having said that, his strategies work with our spirited grandchild. I wish I had had it to raise my own children, and they weren't in the category of spirited; it is just as valuable in general parenting. I am so glad the author explained the spirited child's thinking,he shares a lot of insight; and how to encourage him but not give him everything he demands. I felt better about my 'grandparenting' after I read the book. I was raised-as he described-the old way of expecting blind obedience (do it because I'm the father & I said so-). That is the only way I knew to parent & grandparent, but this book has changed my parenting style. I always worried about breaking their spirits. Now we have peace in our household when the grandchild comes, and I truly enjoy him for the wonderful unique gift from God that he is. I highly recommend this book to anyone with an intelligent spirited child. It really works.