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Taming Your Outer Child: A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Self-Defeating Patterns [Kindle Edition]

Susan Anderson
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)

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Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage - the Aftermath of Abandonment Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage - the Aftermath of Abandonment
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Book Description

Most of us have met our Outer Child once too often. The self-sabotaging, bungling, and impulsive part of the personality. This misguided, hidden nemesis—the devil on your shoulder—blows your diet, overspends, and ruins your love life. A menacing older sibling to your emotionally needy Inner Child, your Outer Child acts out and fulfills your legitimate childlike needs and wants in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in counterproductive ways: It goes for immediate gratification and the quick fix in spite of your best-laid plans. Food, attention, emotional release—your Outer Child usually gets what it wants, and your Adult self can feel powerless to stop it.

Now, in a revolutionary rethinking of the link between emotion and behavior, veteran psychotherapist and theoretician Susan Anderson offers a three-step, paradigm-shifting program to tame your Outer Child’s destructive behavior. This dynamic, transformational set of strategies—action steps that act like physical therapy for the brain—calms your Inner Child, strengthens your Adult Self and releases you from the self-blame and shame that are the root of Outer Child issues, and paves new neural pathways that can lead to more productive behavior. Discover

• the common Outer Child personality types, including the Drama Queen; the Master of Disguise; My Way or No Way; and Love the Getting, not the Having
• proven techniques to resolve underlying sources of self-sabotage
• insights that will allow you to stop blaming your supposed “lack of willpower” for your problems
• key strategies for healing the painful issues of your past
• mental exercises that effectively deal with Outer Child challenges around food, procrastination, love, debt, depression, and more
As your head, heart, and behavior come together and learn to help, not hurt, one another, your strong Adult Self, contented Inner child, and tamed Outer child will become a reality. The result is happiness and fulfillment, self-mastery, and self-love.

From the Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

With more than 30 years experience working with victims of trauma, abandonment, grief, and loss, psychotherapist Anderson (Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery) continues her private practice in Manhattan and on Long Island. A decade ago, she introduced her Outer Child concept, which, as she defines it, is an outward manifestation of your emotional self. Since fear of abandonment is "the crux of the human condition," she explains how to redirect "fear and insecurity seeping out of your oldest wounds." "Abandoholism," she notes, "wins the hit parade on my website." With a program designed to undo primal fears, she tackles such topics as lowered self-esteem, lovesick feelings, food urges, diet, chronic depression, procrastination, heartache, and a primary source of conflict with relationships, "enormous emotional suction cups." She also examines brain activity and factors preventing the body's production of such "yummy neurochemicals" as oxytocin and vasopressin. While readers under stress who are desperate for help will view this book as a valuable tool for healing, others may be put off by some of the jargon-filled passages. (Jan. 25)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.


"This book will be an enormous help to anyone looking to let go of past disappointments and self-recrimination and get on with the essential work of healing, building boundaries, and acquiring the skills to reach your goals. I hope you will read it and do the exercises it provides." –John Bradshaw, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Homecoming

"Groundbreaking…" –

From the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

  • File Size: 1441 KB
  • Print Length: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books (January 25, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004C43FW0
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #484,254 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
33 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An important, life-changing book June 2, 2011
I'm almost done reading this book and realize it's the book I've been looking for most of my life. The healing I've done reading this book has been more effective than decades of therapy (and I have a good therapist but she couldn't get to the depth of recovery that I've gotten to using this book as a tool). And wonderfully, the book covers all my "vices", from self-sabotage like issues with self-care (not exercising, not eating properly etc.) to relationship-related ones (and we all have them to one extent or another) etc. Everything I'm struggling with can be fit within her paradigm. I've restarted journaling while reading her book and have covered more ground in recent weeks than in years prior.

What I like the most about the book is how the author explains emotional topics in a way that makes sense, and uses examples but doesn't let the examples overwhelm the underlying discussion, and most importantly how she asks the reader to do exercises throughout the book while not making it a "workbook". So getting through the book has taken a lot of time as I stop, put down the book and check in with myself. But I think that's the point. Taking action (even like journaling) is a path to real change. And she explains WHY journaling is so important, that it's like physical therapy for the mind. That really helped me step up and do it, in real time.

I'd read Black Swan recently and liked it so looked up any other books Susan Anderson wrote, but didn't realize that this was the book I needed. I hadn't heard of her before. The bad news for this author is that I can't imagine reading her earlier books now - this was the one I needed, so until she writes something new I will be re-working through this one for awhile.

Obviously I recommend this book highly.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I have lost 5 pounds PER WEEK since I read this book! August 21, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I keep telling everyone who notices my weight loss, "I had to get my head right before I could get my diet right." This book has overhauled my relationship with my husband, my kids, but most importantly myself. After reading just the first few chapters, I was ready to take on the "beast" that had become my weight issue and I've never looked back (though I did finish the book!)

Before reading this, I had an idea that I had abandonment issues as my father died when I was 5, but I had no idea how to heal this important part of myself until this ground-breaking work. I saw the review in Psychology Today calling it the most important work done in this area in decades and I am here to attest to what it has done for me. I have downloaded it AND bought copies for loved ones as you will see not only your own self-defeating behaviors in this book, but have a new compassion for others dealing with similar issues stemming from divorce, alcoholism and other separations in their lives.

If you can heal your own issues within just a few hours, why would you ever say no? Read the book.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read Book for Everybody! January 30, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Sue Anderson's new book, Taming Your Outer Child, is a progressive and intuitive guide to understanding how your ego tries to control your life; and the steps you can take NOW to change such destructive habits. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has struggled with their emotions and wants to stop patterns that have interfered with having a full and happy life.

JLG, Esq.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You must read this book April 22, 2011
By Russell
I was strolling borders and picked this book up on a whim, flipped through it a bit, determined the author wasn't simply full of herself, and had some legitamit arguments, so i purchased it. Every other reviewer is right: this book is awesome. I feel like a normal human being now, i feel like I could have a family and not turn out like my father. I can love others while also loving myself... pretty profound, really. It's just this new level of enlightenment, and you see friends and family acting out these patterns and it's just overwhelming to want to be able to help them too, but not everyone is ready to listen.

If you don't love yourself as you would love another, or hope another would love you, you should give this book a read. New parents should also give it a go to understand how their minds work and in turn their children's, to allow them to raise happy, healthy kids.

This book is a kick in the right direction and I can't imagine what the world would be like if everyone read it. It's changed my life more than philosophy ever did (krishnamurti, to be specific) and I am amazed at what it means for me.

This book should be required reading for every human being. It teaches you about yourself and how you work,something school nor your parents ever could.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is amazing. February 9, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
This book is amazing it truley gives you the insight and the tools to not only change but sustain the change in your life. It also shows you steps to gain insight in to why you subconciously do the self-sabotaging things everyone does. If you truly want to change your life for the better no matter what your vice is this book can help. I wish I would have had the tools in this book 20 yrs ago.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I've been in therapy at various junctures in my life, and I'm seeing a therapist now.I've never been able to understand why I sabotage my relationships (friends and loved ones), why I indulge in the habits I do and why I react to certain comments and situations in an odd and unhealthy way. This book uncovers all the answers. Susan helps the reader to learn more about the impact of one's childhood experiences and the neurological effects of traumatic experiences. We carry these imprints into adulthood and it continues to play itself out until we tame the Outer Child and allow our Adult Self to take over (set boundaries and nurture our Inner Child). This book not only allows us to better understand who we are, but provides tools to overcome the emotional challenges that hold us back from self-love, self-nurture and self-confidence. This book enables all to understand who they truly are by healing from the pain abandonment has inflicted upon them. I continue to recommend this book to all who have the outer child syndrome (even though they don't see it).
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Worth a read!
Published 25 days ago by Divina
4.0 out of 5 stars Outer Child as Rumpelstiltskin
Do you let the outer child run your life? Are you an abandaholic? I think this author's concept of the outer child is very useful. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Markus Youssef
5.0 out of 5 stars a foundation book - read it first
Outstanding. I literaly have been looking for this book all my life. If you find yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions this will tell you why.
Published 8 months ago by Steve Williams
5.0 out of 5 stars awesome
Susan Anderson has lifetime of research put into this book and her others, lots of great helpful info and very insightful!
Published 9 months ago by marialisa
4.0 out of 5 stars great content
Great content love the flow of the author only 4 stars as I would love to see this in an ebook for the kindle so I could adjust the print size for more easy reading.
Published 9 months ago by P. Cassidy
4.0 out of 5 stars Going deep
This is a book that will challenge you and may even make you uncomfortable. However, if the goal is unlock somethings from your past - or present - this is the book you need.
Published 9 months ago by Yahya Henry
4.0 out of 5 stars No E-Book !?
Why is there no digital download for an E-Book version?

I want to read this from my smartphone or computer.

Please make one available.

Published 10 months ago by Cantate Domino
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
I very much enjoyed this book. It has got me thinking about a lot of things in my life and helped me figure out some of my feelings.
Published 10 months ago by Jacob T. Linzy
5.0 out of 5 stars A Book that should be carried as a bible
The best I never have to do therapy again! Thank you Susan for daring greatly!!!!! After 30 long years of therapy 12 step programs groups.....I am done...Im living now.
Published 12 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is amazing!
This book is amazing. While I spent too much of my life looking for why the world didn't work they way it should - this book opened my eyes to rethinking my perspective.
Published 12 months ago by Valerie
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More About the Author
Susan Anderson has devoted more than 30 years of clinical experience and research to helping people overcome abandonment trauma and its aftermath of self sabotaging patterns. Founder of the abandonment recovery movement, she reaches out through her websites, workshops, and media to share her methods of abandonment recovery with abandonment survivors from around the world. Anderson is author of four trailblazing books including Journey from Abandonment to Healing and Taming Your Outer Child which guide people through a protocol specific to healing abandonment, heartbreak, and loss. People can contribute to Susan's ongoing research project by submitting (confidentially) your personal stories to her website The websites and reach out with help and information. You are welcome to contact the author directly.


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