Part II
Understanding the Many "Personalities" of Stress
We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
Seneca, Epistulae ad Lucilium
Stress. We hear the word and use it a great deal, but what is it really? If someone asked you to define stress, what would you say? Maybe you associate it with events like taking a final exam; the adrenaline rush of being the focus of attention at an important competition in a sports activity, or being on center-stage during a school play or you've got the closing arguments in your school's debate club city championship. Maybe it's that sense of anxiety you have when you need to "face up," "square off," "confront" or "level" with someone, such as with a teacher or your parents because you've broken a promise or not followed through on a certain commitment. Maybe it's that sinking feeling of having an argument with a best friend or the nervousness of not being quite dressed and ready for the date of your dreamsùwho is knocking on your door.
While situations such as these can certainly cause an "I'm stressed" response, they are just that: a situation, an event, a happening. While you can't always control or change the event (it's your turn to get up and give that oral report in front of the class), how you respond is under your control. For instance, in the case of the oral report, you can be as prepared as you can possibly be; you can start your day by having a good night's rest, eating a good breakfast, and as an extra confidence boost, looking especially cool that day. Stress, on the other hand, is its own agenda: it is the body's physical, mental and chemical reaction to the circumstances you're facing. No matter what kind of stress-creating factor it is that you're facingùyour first kiss, or facing a near head-on collision with a fellow classmate as you make a mad dash to get to classùthe same reactions go off in your body. This is good: your body readies itself to deal with the situation at hand. If, for example, you step off a curb and suddenly an unexpected car wheels around a corner and nearly hits you, it's highly likely that within the flash of a instant, your body will command you to leap out of the way.
And of course, stress can overwhelm you to the point of not being effective. If, for example, you study up for an important test, but on the day of the test you are not nervous about taking it, it's possible that you draw a blank, not remembering even the most easy and common facts! So, it's important to learn all you can about coping with stress in positive ways and not let it get the best of you.
Consider this unit the Cliff Notes on Stress. Throughout the next few chapters, you'll learn all about the nature of stress, its pros and cons and how you can use stress to your advantage. You'll learn what you can do when your stress gets too high, and what you can do to create a little stress in your life so that things get exciting! And being the taste berry that you are, you know that informationùlike stressùis powerful!
What is Stress
If someone asked you to define stress, what would you say? Some teens define it as confusion, turmoil, even excitement. Perhaps LaToya experienced all three of these when the boy of her dreams became her first love, then dropped her for her best friend, and then dropped her now "ex" best friend because he wanted LaToya back, then. . . .
Stuck in the Crossfire
Kevin Larson, a guy I liked for nearly three whole months before he even noticed I was alive (even though I'd made it very obvious to him the whole time!) finally asked me out! He was my very first love.
I thought everything was just great between us. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for four months when suddenly he just dropped me for my very best friend, Karina Wells. My best friend! I'd seen that happen to others, but it never crosses your mind that it will happen to you. Well, it did.
When we broke up, I cried and cried. I was sad, mad, confused, miserable without him and indignant, too, and not above throwing a tantrum or two. But Kevin acted like he didn't care at all about my feelings. He paid no attention to me, just went on about his business, happy as a clam about his new girlfriend, my (and now "ex") friend.
Then, just two weeks later, just out of the blue, Kevin Larson broke up with his newest sweetie Karina Wells. This I found out when he handed me a letter as we passed each other in the hall one day. I was surprised to get a letter, and though I did my best to act like I could have cared less about receiving it from him, I made a straight beeline into the girls' restroom as fast as I could so I could read the words written by the love of my lifeùeven if I was mad at him.
It was a great letter! Kevin told me that he loved me and only me and that he no longer wanted to be with Karina. I was thrilled of course, but still curious. I mean, did he really miss me so much and that was the reason he broke up with Karinaùor did she dump him? To tell you the truth, while I was relieved to have him say he wanted me back, I was a little confused, too! I mean, while I was happy that he broke up with Karina, there was the thing about his having dumped me in the first place. And, there was the matter of Kevin wanting us to get back together. Should I just go back, be sweet and tell him how much I missed him, or should I make him work really hard to get me back? All the other kids at school knew the full story, so I couldn't just go back without a fight and lose my self-respect. Should I tell him, "No way! Get lost. You had your chance!"? These are all really important things to consider. And besides, one of his good friends, Rick Torres, had been making eyes at me like he's interested in me, and Rick is pretty cool. Going out with Rick would be a great way to get back at Kevin. But then, my heart belongs to Kevin. . . .
As you can see, it's a tough decision I have to make, one that is being battled out between my heart and my head. I'm stuck in the crossfire, and boy is it stressful:
My heart: "You see! I told you Kevin loves you! Now we can stop aching so much."
My head: "Be careful. You know he left you for another girl."
My heart: "Oh, don't worry about that now. What's important is that he wants you back. And besides, you know how good it feels to have him ask you to come back to him."
My head: "Go slow. Your turmoil is sure proof it may not be right."
My heart: "But he wants YOU, YOU, YOU! Be happy, don't worry!"
My head: "A week ago he wanted Karina Wells."
My heart: "But now he wants you!"
My head: "Kevin double-timed you."
My heart: "Yes, but he can be so romantic and sweet."
My head: "He may do it again. Why risk getting hurt again?"
My heart: "Oh, I'm sure he'll never do it again. He said he loves me."
My head: "He's proven himself as someone you can't trust."
My heart: "But I miss him. My heart hurts when I'm not with him. I want him back."
My head: "Take your time; think it over."
My heart: "If you don't act fast, Teresa Amos will snatch him up! You saw her flirting with him."
My head: "He is a big flirt. I'm suggesting you don't go back."
My heart: "But I love him."
My head: "You're doing just fine without him."
My heart: "Love is a wonderful thing. You know how happy it makes me. . . ."
What a seesaw! It's been thirty-eight hours and fifty-five minutes since Kevin Larson asked me to get back together with him. And I'm still very stressed out, not knowing what to do!
LaToya Jones, 17
STRESS 101: Everything a Teen Should Know About What Stress Isùand Isn't
Have you ever picked out a someone "special," only to have someone else decide to "select" that person, too, and edge you out? Talk about stress!
Stress? What is stress?
Most people think stress is having to confront a particular unpleasant or tough situation. Technically, these anxiety-filled eventsùsuch as taking a big test, taking your driver's license test, asking out a certain someone or having an argument with a good friendùare called "stressors." The "wear and tear" they cause us is the "stress." Regardless of whether the stressor is a biochemical insult (such as using drugs or alcohol); a physical injury (such as getting in a fight or falling and breaking your wrist); or confronting something you fear or someone who makes you upset, the body responds the same: It is thrown into a "stress reaction."
This reaction has three distinct phases, each one named after that which it does, basically, in response to the incoming stressor. These are:
- The Alarm Phase,
- The Resistance Phase, and
- The Exhaustion Phase.
Stress can be a good thing, then, primarily because it acts as a bell or siren telling you it's...
