Customer Reviews

Tattoo Machine: Tall Tales, True Stories, and My Life in Ink

5 star:		(36)
4 star:		(31)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

It would be easy to dismiss this book as another attempt at cashing in on the current "ink" craze, but Tattoo Machine: Tall Tales, True Stories, and My Life in Ink, isn't so easily set aside.

Written in staccato, dark, punchy language that reminds of Anthony Bourdain or maybe even a little Chuck Palahniuk, Tattoo machine isn't an expose of the industry or even a straight-forward memoir. Instead, it is something hovering somewhere in between, peppered as it is with advice, a guide to the lingo of the tattoo world, and stories - some the authors own and some that are not - that will grab you. I found myself reading this book as I ate lunch and sneaking it in during breaks from work, a sure sign that a book is an enjoyable read, and this one is.

Jeff Johnson doesn't attempt to paint himself as a tough guy (as I unfairly expected) or to create an idealized version of the tattoo world, he readily admits to his flaws, is honest about the ugly side of tattooing and is careful about his depictions - something that is lacking in some of the other tattoo books out there.

However, what truly sets this book apart from other books about tattooing is the writing. Jeff Johnson's style is easy to read, engaging and vivid and you feel as though you are along for a strange ride down some neon-lit highway, loud music ricocheting inside the car, while your driver half-shouts stories over the roar of the road and the stereo. If sex, drugs, blood and vomit turn you off, don't read this. But, if you are like me, and you have always wondered what goes through the mind of that person digging a needle into your flesh, or what goes on after you leave the shop, you must read this book. As your driver on this journey, Jeff Johnson has you in capable hands.

Tattoos, these days, have become almost mainstream -- but tattoo culture is still something left to the hardcore, the people for whom tattooing is more than just a status symbol or fad.

Jeff Johnson's Tattoo Machine is an interesting collection of vignettes about his life as a tattoo artist. The stories are generally entertaining, sometimes disturbing and occasionally far-fetched. We learn of Jeff's encounters with thieving punk chicks (one of whom bit him on his cheek after trying to rob him), begrudging heroism (he helped save a drunk driver's life) and the US Office of Immigration (his wife is Canadian), and it's all told in short, engaging chapters with prose that proves this tattoo artist also knows how to work with words.

Still, there's a seeming lack of depth to the book that makes it all feel somehow superficial. As someone who has an ever-growing collection of tattoos herself, I was looking forward to hearing more about Jeff's journey to becoming an artist, as well as about tattoo culture itself. Instead, though definitely enjoyable, his book was more of a slice-of-life work, shedding light on the goings-on at his own tattoo shop and throughout his life. But maybe that's just me, having expected a more linear narrative...

If you're into tattoos and tattoo culture, then Tattoo Machine is definitely worth the read. It's an easy read, and Jeff is a likeable narrator.

Jeff Johnson's memoir is a collection of short, mostly-factual stories about his life as a Portland, Oregon-based tattoo artist. Although he is now wildly successful, it wasn't always this way; many of his vignettes describe the period before he found success. He discusses insider's tips on what to look for in a quality tattoo shop (for those interested in getting inked) and offers his theory on why people choose to get tattoos. He delves into some of his craziest drug- and alcohol-induced adventures, his most memorable clients and coworkers (good and bad), bits and pieces of his childhood, and his feelings on the future of the tattoo industry. For the most part, the stories aren't related to each other, but the thread that unites them is the fact that they either led to or happened as a result of his career.

Johnson's writing style is engaging, blatantly honest, totally uncensored, and even charming -- like talking to a close, trusted friend who casually drops the F-bomb now and then and isn't afraid to describe anything, as long as it benefits his audience in some way. Many of his stories are downright funny, some are scary as hell, and still others are heartwarming and sensitive. All are captivating. Johnson says in the introduction that after reading his book, you may not want to get a tattoo from him, but I disagree: his honesty is endearing, and it allows you to trust him. I don't know if I'd want to get a tattoo from someone who wasn't willing to tell me everything Johnson did!

The most notable aspect of Johnson's writing is his use of vivid metaphorical imagery when setting the scene or describing complex emotional undercurrents, which makes perfect sense coming from someone who sees the world in a way far different than most people do. His images are wild, colorful, bizarre, and unearthly at times. For instance, he describes competition wars between tattoo shops as happening across "radioactive, crater-pocked fields of salt, through wrecked urban landscapes decorated with nuclear flash-point carbon shadows and populated by wild zombie dogs." Nonsensical? Almost. But imagine that description as a tattoo, and you realize that he has just brilliantly conveyed his intended mindscape to the reader.

As a feminist and a vegan, I raised an eyebrow only twice when reading this book. The first instance was when Johnson said that "vegans tend to pass out" when getting inked -- I just had to chuckle and roll my eyes at this, as it's simply not true. The second instance was when he referred to one particularly nasty woman as a c***, although he knows full well that the term is sexist when flung as an insult. The reader will easily forgive this as Johnson champions good quality female tattoo artists, is always careful to say "guys and gals," and never limits his definition of a good tattoo artist to men. Another reviewer mentioned that Johnson generally describes women in "unflattering" ways, but I didn't find this to be the case at all (with that one exception). His stories feature valiant heros and conniving enemies of both sexes, and he describes them equitably in positive, neutral, and/or negative light. He is *never* chauvinistic. If anything, Johnson is the most vicious in describing the men he has encountered!

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and finished it leisurely in a matter of days. Readers who dislike profanity, drinking, drugs, nudity, sex, and the occasional lurid story probably won't enjoy this book very much. But those who are genuinely interested in an honest, engaging behind-the-scenes account of the life of a tattoo artist will love this unconventional memoir. Recommended!

Jeff Johnson has written a fast paced, interesting look into the world of the tattoo shop. (I dont know if parlor is the right word anymore) He has included the token crazy dude, the drunk drude, the quiet one, and the blasted-keep-the-caffeine-flowing-till-dawn hardcore artist.

Along the way, we are treated to the working behind the tip counter, the countless hours of drawing flash, mixing pigments, a short history lesson, and a few odd encounters. Fresh and entertaining to read, this book gives you a glimpse at the people behind the tattoo machine. While many from society will be quick to cast them off as losers who couldn't get into art school- we see that the reality is different.

We are treated to mini lessons on management, how to balance books, emergeny customer interaction, humanity, and the Fear that every artist seems to face. While dealing with people, diseases, pimps, gangsters, power attorneys, and even police, Jeff seems to handle the situation with a no-holds-barred painful honesty. It is refreshing to read a book in which the author doesnt spend the whole novel telling us how awesome he is. Equal parts ego and humility are what sets Johnson apart from the rest of the crowd.

After reading this novel, I have a newfound respect for those who choose to do this as a career, and even more for those who manage to do it well. Sometime I need to take a plane trip to Oregon and visit the Sea Tramp tattoo shop. I might not get one (kinda not all into the pain thing) but it sure would be cool to see the place so well described in this novel that manages to entertain, repulse, and inspire all at the same time.

`Tattoo Machine` is an insiders view of the life of a tattoo artist. On the surface, Johnson is characteristic of the stereotype - tough guy, hard living, hard playing. But he's also a self-declared "artist intelligentsia" who knows how create an image. This masking of the vulnerable with the colorful - characteristic of tattoo's - is mirrored in the book. The gaze moves back and forth from tough guy Johnson, to the Johnson who listens to NPR and writes books on the side. A skin and bones human overlaid with a flashy colorful character. It's hard to say how much of it is real, but it delivers the sort of "flash" one might expect.

I picked this up not because I have tattoo's (I don't) or even have any real interest in them, but because I wanted to delve into an American sub-culture. Sort of like an episode from `Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends`, it's a crazy trip somewhere different. I think that's what the book does best. How much you like it will depend how much you like "my brand of slightly scummy charm." (Johnson, Ch.6)

There's a rather popular show on TLC about a tattoo parlor called "Miami Ink." (So popular in fact, that a spinoff, "L.A. Ink" was created when one of the artists left to open her own shop in California.)

Both of those shows appeal to the masses. Neither my wife nor I have any tattoos, nor do we intend to get any, but between the human-interest stories of the people who walk in for tattoos --and the incredibly good artistry and creativity that goes into them-- we both got hooked.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw Jeff Johnson's "TATTOO MACHINE: TALL TALES, TRUE STORIES, AND MY LIFE IN INK" as an Amazon Vine selection, and thought --why not? Perhaps this will dig a little bit deeper into things, and if I enjoy "Miami Ink" and "L.A. Ink" maybe I'd enjoy the book.

Let me tell you: The TLC programs are saccharine-infused fluff by comparison. Part of the reason is no doubt legal. Any customer who shows up and makes a complete jerk of himself would be unlikely to sign the release forms allowing them to air the footage. (Which is why, in reality shows, you'll frequently see someone with a pixelated face--they refused to sign the waiver.)

Johnson has no worries. By changing their names, he can tell you about the bad customers. The scary ones. The creepy ones. The girls he took home (and shouldn't have), and more, in all its uncensored glory.

Furthermore, even without the disclaimer that he's a "first time" writer (well, his first published BOOK.... he has of course WRITTEN before), I thought that Johnson was pretty polished. A lot of folks can tell an interesting story --but put them in front of a keyboard and they'll lose you in the first three paragraphs. Johnson held my interest throughout, and it wasn't just about the "tattooing."

The autobiographical book probes a bit into his hugely dysfunctional childhood, his friends, his acquaintances, his mentor(s), his failed first marriage (and her 'odd' family), and even the really nice thing he did for a bunch of drunks in a group home. (I won't spoil the surprise, but it was one of many moments in the book that brought a smile to my face.)

I also found his thoughts on the *impermanence* of tattoos very interesting. Most people see them as "forever." (That's sort of the point--it's a commitment you can't back out of without subjecting yourself to a series of really painful and expensive laser removal sessions --or simply hacking off a limb.) But as the ARTIST, he talks about how the "body" of his work really ISN'T permanent, and how once the last person he's tattooed is dead and buried (or cremated), that his life's work is gone. It's not like a marble statue, or a chapel ceiling that may last for generations. I had never thought about that way, and for the true tattoo ARTIST, it has to be kind of disturbing on some level.

But then, some artists prefer their work to be fleeting.

Johnson's mark may last a little longer now, with the publication of this very entertaining book.

- Jonathan Sabin

Wonder no more! This book contains so many wonderful colorful tales about what goes on in there and then some. Some of the people who pass through the doors of the Sea Tramp Tattoo Company are more colorful than the tattoos they decide to have inked onto their bodies.

Jeff Johnson tells a great story about the employees and the customers that kept me rivited to my chair. Even my favorite soap couldn't tear me away from this book.

The adult language and salty prose gives us an authentic look at into a lifestyle three types of people will love reading about. Those three types are those who already have tattoos, those planning on getting a tattoo soon, and those who think about it but are to chicken to actually get one but keep thinking about it anyway.

I was in Portland yesterday and thought long and hard about heading over to the Sea Tramp. But, alas, I fear I'm one of those facinated chickens.

Jeff Johnson has a completely honest (sometimes brutally honest) way of telling the tales of his profession.

These are some great stories told with a surprisingly creative writing style. Though he can certainly be crude and leaves little to the imagination regarding the seedier aspects of tattooing and the tattooed, he presents it with an unusually artistic manner of a wise old man...but he's not. Old, that is.

If you are a fan of the "Ink" shows, you will probably enjoy this. However, it is the very uncensored version. There is little in the way of inspirational, heart-tugging stories behind the tattoos. As the author himself relates right from the start, there are few people who come into his place with a reason for a specific tattoo other than the fact that they like how it looks. This was surprising to me and I wondered just what he would write about, then.

Turns out, there are lots of things I did not know but was fascinated to learn, as well as some things I could have lived a lifetime not knowing and I would have been perfectly content (read, disgusting).

I had hoped to recommend this to my teenaged nephew who has decided to pursue a "life in ink" himself, however it is a bit too sexually graphic and the author's drug use and language is probably not something my sister would appreciate my sharing.

If you want the complete, uncensored, enlightening version of life in the tattoo business and want to feel as if you are hanging out with a guy who will tell you the "back room stories" this is a great book. Squeamish at all about language, gratuitous sex, women generally referred to with unflattering (to put it mildly) descriptions? Not for you.

The author warns that after reading his book you may not want a tattoo from him....I am still on the fence with that one, but I would listen to more of his stories.

Jeff Johnson's Tattoo Machine is a shotgun blast, a burst of high velocity vignettes, micro-essays, brain benders, eroticism, profanity, romance, and yes, fascinating information about the history and current state of tattooing in the U.S. and internationally.

Tattooing, that unique art form in which living skin is used as the canvas, hooks the imagination of almost all of us. In all its forms, from the gangster's tear drops tattooed on the face, the white supremacist's lightning bolts, the Semper Fi of the Marine, the sublime total body underwater garden scenes, the optimistically emblazoned names of lovers, the intricately carved (and very painful!) Maori and Polynesian patterns, the appeal of making a permanent statement with one's own skin is nearly universal. And if Tattoo Machine was ONLY about tattooing, it would succeed wonderfully. But Tattoo Machine is about much more than that, and its value to the reader is correspondingly so much higher.

For those readers predominantly into tattooing, you'll have a blast. The history of tattooing in the United States, its current evolution into a highly creative and personalized art form that requires consultations rather than choosing from pre-drawn flash, the review of industry related vocabulary (a tattoo on a woman's small of her back is called a tramp stamp), the discussion of what part of the body people choose to have tattooed (the professional woman that comes in to have flames tattooed on the shaved/waxed part of her body that is named after Venus), the FAQ's of tattooing, and the current technology used....it's all there. Included is the advice to always check the bathroom of the tattoo parlor that you are considering doing business with.

For readers that have a broader than dermatological interest in what life is all about, grab this book, settle into your favorite reading spot, and get ready for a roller-coaster ride through this amusement park that we call human life. I've always found it arresting when an animal (usually canine, sometimes feline, and occasionally human) has two different colored eyes. I don't know what color eyes Jeff Johnson has, but his perspective on life is as if he inherited one of his eyes from Epictetus (the Greek philosopher/Roman slave, author of Enchiridion) and his other eye from Hunter Thompson (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). The cerebral and scatological are often contained in one sentence, and the book is the more powerful and fascinating for it. Jeff Johnson's voice is that of a Renaissance man, spoken with eloquence and inflected with raunch and profanity. Not possible? Read it, and get back to me.

There is a love story in Tattoo Machine, brief and potent in its description, durable and enviable in its quality.

Oscar Wilde said "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars". I suspect that Jeff Johnson and Oscar Wilde, had they met in a bar, would still be laughing uproariously as dawn broke. If you pick this book up and turn the first page too late at night, you might end up doing the same thing.

Whether this is a realistic account of what it's really like to work in the world of tattoing, I couldn't say - I will leave that for folks in the industry. I don't even have a tattoo, but I've always wanted one! So for me, this was a chance to peek inside a world that I might never otherwise know anything about.

Jeff Johnson has a very conversational style, it feels really like you're sitting down for a beer with a guy that has led a very interesting life. He doesn't seem impressed with himself, he doesn't boast or glamorize his job, he just tells it like he sees it. Some chapters made me really want a tattoo badly, others made me think I'm glad I never got one and probably never will. He certainly has met some characters throughout his career, both fascinating and incredibly shady. I like his insights into people's psyche, and the way he's not afraid to tell tales about how he has misjudged and made mistakes and how he handles daily business in a career that's not like any other.

If you have any interest in the world of tattoos, or just want a glimpse into another kind of life, this is a very well-written account. By the end, you'll feel like Jeff is your buddy and find yourself missing him!