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[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
ADMIT IT. YOUR JUNIOR HIGH LOCKER TRIBUTE to Scott Baio made the Sistine Chapel look like it was thrown together overnight. You wore out pens writing "Mr. David Cassidy" long before gay marriage was even a remote possibility. You knew the location of every mole on every teen idol of your decade. But nowadays when your nieces and nephews start talking about High School Musical, you ask them what part they're planning on auditioning for. You're so queer. And not in the gay way. I mean, you're gay, but not in the homosexual way. Oh. What. Ever.
