Customer Reviews

Teenage Caveman

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(11)
1 star:		(16)

 

 

Teenage Caveman starts out sometime in the distant future. The world in in ruins most likely due to a war or some other catastrophe. We are introduced to a tribal community that has some disturbed philosophical ideas about population growth. The more people the angrier god will become. However, the priest that is spouting it off seems to be having sex with whatever he wants. Anyways some rebellious(sterotypical) kid kills his father, the preist, and ends up exiled. Well his ignorant(sterotypical) friends follow. At this point of watching the movie it didn't have much going for it. I thought maybe Clark was going to make it funny but the laughter never came or I thought maybe it will get scary it never did that either. This movie is really a downgrade to the entire movie industry not only is the storyline shot, but the acting is terrible as well. Some parts of the movie made me feel like I was watching a cheep, no very cheep, porno flick(and I am not over exaggerating).
If you are familiar with Larry Clark's other movies you will know he presents us things in a blunt manner it is just most of his other movies have some substance(and storyline) where this one has none. I would highly recommend renting this movie if you even want to give it that much credit.

A wonderfully incoherent plot moves this flick from the wasteland to the bath scene. You'll be scratching your head and saying 'oh - come on'. But that's what distances it from the emasculation of the horror genre like the Scream series and the Blair Witch Project.
70s horror owed so much to misguided teen sex where the monsters were punishing the young perpetrators. But in the 90s we got the PG version where horror just happened without the blood and gore. Here there's drugs, sex and nudity.
From silly end of the world cults to a weird Toxic Avenger ripoff this one owes nothing to the original from the 50s.

Under the official banner of a B movie Larry Clark takes his obsession with teen sex to a whole new level. Teenage Caveman takes place sometime in the future after a devastating storm wipes out humanity. The storm was an act of God who wanted to punish humans for giving into their sexual curiosity. The few survivors live in caves. In one particular cave lives David (Andrew Keegan), his girlfriend Sarah (Tara Subkoff) and a few of their friends. David's father is the tribal leader who likes to have sex with his son's friends. He believes that he is doing God's will by raping the young members of his tribe but when he tries it with Sarah David kills him. David is sentenced to death but before his punishment is carried out his friends rescue him and the teens make a break for it. They travel for days until they stumble upon an intact city that they later find out is run by solar energy. They get caught up in a sandstorm and when they come to they have been taken in by a young couple named Neil (Richard Hillman) and Judith (Tiffany Limos). Neil and Judith introduce the kids to punk rock and teach them how to drink and do lines of coke. What they delight in showing their new house guests however are the pleasures of sex which they demonstrate by inviting the kids to join them for a group bath. After the kids are cleaned up Judith leads them all in an orgy. For some of the kids they think they've found paradise with all the constant sex but David and Sarah are suspicious of their new leaders. They refrain from the sexual activities and David learns the truth about Neil and Judith. They are survivors of medical experiments that resulted in them becoming genetic mutants. It ain't all bad though since they can never die and have the power to self heal. The reason they are so eager to have sex with the kids is so that they can spread their mutation. They want everyone to be like them and once they have infected this group they plan on infecting the cave where they came from. This is the bottom of the barrel for Clark and that is saying something. There is so much gratuitous nudity and sex that this film safely qualifies as soft core. I'm not complaining about that however when you have someone as sexy as Tiffany Limos running around naked constantly. What I am complaining about is that that is the only redeeming part of the film. There isn't a good story to be told here and you won't find one decent performance from anyone. If you just wanna see some barely legal teens getting it on then this one's for you. The opening scene sets the tone for this whole film when Clark, playing one of the elders of the tribe,dies when one of the teens impales him with a spear because he was tired of being told what to do. This murder results in the Clark character gaining martyr status in the tribe. As the camera pans from his dead body it stops to catch a glimpse of a signpost which reads "no skateboarding." Even in an apocalyptic world Clark still finds a way for these kids to be violent , sex crazed outlaws.

Larry Clark, while known for his realism and brute honesty surely did not take a step up here. While the story made the path for a OK movie, it failed on its objective. When the kids get caught in the storm and just wake up and are clothed and all lying on eachother, it just does not seem real. The effects are somewhat korny and the graphic nudity and violence show its a Clark film. Drugs, alcohol,sex, and caveman. Not a great mix and this movie shows that.

Larry Clark has a fixation with teens having sex on screen. It was a bit shocking on Kids and Bully, but here it just looks like soft core porn. The reason why: this movie has no plot. It is extremely absurd. Cave teens discover a city in ruins inhabited by two mutants who want to turn them into mutants as well. but in the process some kids die of horrible gory deaths...having a lot of sex, drugs and booze in the way.
Kids was a masterpiece, Bully was also one of the best movies of 2001. They were pretty raw but they had interesting topics. Teenage Caveman is really preposterous.Instead of developping his skills as a filmaker after Bully, Clark has taken a huge step back with Teenage Caveman.

Let me begin by saying that I seldom write any reviews of films mostly due to my intense lethargy at having to think with any intensity on a single subject for a sustained amount of time, however I have been compelled to make an exception in the case of this film after having both seen it and read some of the worst reviews ever on Amazon for it.
This is quite simply one of the worst films I have ever seen in all aspects and facets of film making, having seen some of Clarke's previous work such as Kids ( Which I didn't think was all that interesting, or revolutionary as many would make out but rather a logical and obvious film to make but all in all not that bad a movie) this film is dogged by poor production, i.e cheap affects and a crap shooting style that bleaches out colour but heightens green and purple to heighten the "Devastated" surroundings. Not to mention the pathetic acting performances that make me wonder why anyone would think that acting in such a film would further your career, for crying out loud did the actors even read the script before signing up, if they had bothered they'd have probably cottoned on by the lack of believable dialogue and constant interludes for horriffic teenage nudity and sex that this film was made for either over sexed teenagers who can't get their hands on real porn or lonely men in the 5o's without a job to watch.
My God, how could anyone even consider giving this film more than the bare minimum 1 star, the plot is completely non sensickle and the supposedly shocking nudity and sex of the teenages is horrificly over used by Clarke who now to me seems either to have lost his mind or be short of a few ideas, well here is an idea for you quit, quit now I don't think you've ever made a decent film so stop trying now.
I have given you no plot description as once again it is mind numbingly poor and I finally want o comment on what would posses anyone to buy this movie all I can thnk of is a mental disability therefore if you have some spare cash and want to buy a movie don't bother with this apocalyptic pirece of crap.

Don't expect good horror or sci-fi here as Larry Clark concentrates primarily on sex scenes.For years he's made sleazy films like Kids and Bully under the guise of teaching people a lesson about the youth of today.With no moral lessions to hide behind in Teenage Caveman it's crystal clear what REALLY intersts Clark the most.This movie may appeal to some in a guilty pleasure way but the "plot" padded out with sleaze is awful.

I happened to catch this movie last fall (2001) during the Cinemax creature feature series, and found it to be a mixed bag of sci fi, creature effects and incredibly lurid teen sex.

Playing like a B Movie, if the Hays Code had not existed in the Fifties, there are buckets of gore and some really good "gross out effects."

In the typical Mad Max style future we get to watch dirty caveman teens shed their inhibitions and their clothing (repeatedly)as they discover aspects of the "old world" that they did not know existed, such as group bathing, drugs, and alcohol.

Probably the highlight of this film is a ten minute orgy, as these teens that have lived under a repressive, hyporcital religion (is there any other kind in these films?) discover each other in what is some of the best group sex ever filmed outside of a porno movie.

Of course the world is not all as it seems and some of the teens start to die and we learn the big secret and blah.....blah....blah.

Overall there are some genuine scares amidst the standard dialogue, wooded acting and bare breasts!

I rate this movie five stars not because it's really THAT good, but to boost the overall rating since many of the reviewers of this movie over-exaggerated with their opinions, misleading people. Yes, it's barely a "Creature Feature" and seems to include a lot of sex, drug use, and language, but is it the worst movie in the world? No. And not everyone out there is offended by just watching these things in a movie - And not everyone is as impressionable to the point where they can't handle these things.

On the plus side, this is definitely a movie for Andrew Keegan fans. This is quite the starring role for him and he did an excellent job with the acting. Someone said that it seemed like a lot of the acting seemed impromptu and unscripted, well it didn't to me. Everything seemed to fit in just fine with the events surrounding the characters.

Anyway, I'm not writing this review to encourage everyone to buy it and I'm not proclaiming it as the best movie in the world, but it's not the worst...

I watched this movie with my boyfriend who thought it was the worst movie ever. I however loved it. I can't believe how many bad reviews it got!