Customer Reviews

Teenape Goes To Camp

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

If you want to see a wretchedly conceived, directed, and acted spoof that is not only stiflingly unfunny, but simultaneously boring, this is an excellent selection for you. Without question actual apes (teen or otherwise) could have made a much better film than this, and I can't recommend it to fans of any genre of motion picture, not even to hardened B-movie veterans that thrill in the discovery of a deliciously awful movie.

The premise: Teenape is summoned to be a counselor at Camp Arawak. Due no doubt to budgetary constraints there are no camp attendees, rather, the action takes place over a weekend training session for other camp counselors. After arriving in his Dodge Neon, Teenape vies for domination over all the other counselors. The jokes are pre-junior high school fodder, and while there is little explicit footage in the film, the conversation can't get two words away from sex, violence, or pointless profanity at any time. Note to the filmmakers: repetition does not make your movie funnier.

The whole mess devolves into "The Most Dangerous Game" with Teenape on the defensive. At one point the directors rip off "Jack Frost" (the Russo-Finnish production made famous by "Mystery Science Theater 3000") by having Teenape encounter Grandfather Mushroom in the forest. Here, after a gratuitous reference to Ivanushka, hero of "Jack Frost", Grandfather Mushroom gives Teenape a mystical headband instead of turning him into a bear (which would have made for a more interesting movie, by far).

The final ten minutes or so of the movie features pointless and cartoon-like violence as Teenape battles the remaining camp counselors in the woods. I was actually rolling my eyes when "Proudfoot" attempted to slay Teenape by playing him heavy metal riffs on his guitar. Watch for the only vaguely amusing character in the film, who interrupts the guitar-annihilation scene in a moment that must be seen to be believed.

The film has many extras, including an annoying cast commentary (which actually confirms the purloining of plot elements from "Jack Frost"), a documentary featuring the "Highgears", as they recorded the "Teenape Goes To Camp Theme", production photos, trailers, and an "On-Set Video Blog". I love B-movies more than just about anyone, but possibly excluding the "Baghead" cameo, there is nothing to like about "Teenape Goes To Camp." You have been warned.

This is another cheesy "campy" Tempe film similar to the Bad Movie Police series. The teenape is a white guy in a mask, one where the lips don't move. He frequently sounds like he is trying to imitate a black man. Teenape is oversexed and is lured into being a camp counselor by the promise of BLT (barely legal trim). Heather is the other camp instructor played by redhead Meredith Host (looks like Emma Stone on back cover) perhaps best known for her blockbuster movies such as "12 Inches of Dangling Fury" and "I Spit Chew on Your Grave."

At camp, Teenape has the hots for oversexed camper Honey Potter...and then the diabolical plot twist, so bizarre, no one will be left into the theater the last half hour of the movie!

F-bomb, sex, male nudity. Must be freakin' stoned to watch.

The plot is ridiculous and uninteresting. The cast couldn't act its way out of a wet paper bag. The characters are juvenile and beyond stupid. The lead character wears an ape mask. The writing is sophomoric, idiotic, banal, crude, and nonsensical. It is apparent that the makers of this flaming bag of dog excrement were either on drugs, or have some sort of mental illness. To call this a "B" movie would be a blatant insult to all other "B" movies. The language is crude and over the top throughout, and would embarass an already foul-mouthed teenaged miscreant. I feel sorry for the entire cast and crew and how they were truly suckered into making this very lame excuse of a film. The producers of this craptastic exercise in cinema should never, ever be allowed to use any sort of filmmaking equipment ever again. My cat vomits more interesting material than this poor excuse for a movie. It is an hour of your life which will be truly wasted and you will never get back again if you choose to be subjected to this unmitigated, undisputed piece of garbage. Even if the producers had intended this film to be bad, in bad taste, and poorly done, they failed miserably. This is beyond bad, crosses the line of bad taste, and in fact, has to be one of the biggest wastes of film ever made. Even the most immature, perverted, and mentally imbalanced individual would find this film to be of inferior quality.

The plot is ridiculous and uninteresting. The cast couldn't act its way out of a wet paper bag. The characters are juvenile and beyond stupid. The lead character wears an ape mask. The writing is sophomoric, idiotic, banal, crude, and nonsensical. It is apparent that the makers of this flaming bag of dog excrement were either on drugs, or have some sort of mental illness. To call this a "B" movie would be a blatant insult to all other "B" movies. The language is crude and over the top throughout, and would embarass an already foul-mouthed teenaged miscreant. I feel sorry for the entire cast and crew and how they were truly suckered into making this very lame excuse of a film. The producers of this craptastic exercise in cinema should never, ever be allowed to use any sort of filmmaking equipment ever again. My cat vomits more interesting material than this poor excuse for a movie. It is an hour of your life which will be truly wasted and you will never get back again if you choose to be subjected to this unmitigated, undisputed piece of garbage. Even if the producers had intended this film to be bad, in bad taste, and poorly done, they failed miserably. This is beyond bad, crosses the line of bad taste, and in fact, has to be one of the biggest wastes of film ever made. Even the most immature, perverted, and mentally imbalanced individual would find this film to be of inferior quality.

In fact, it probably wasn't even worth the time I'm spending on this review. TeenApe is a white kid in a mask, imitating some confused idea of what a black teenager is like. There's also a guy in some kind of rat/animal mask imitating a hispanic teenager. And they're ALL idiots. The "raunchy" parts sound like they were written by people who have never been in a room with actual boobies, the "hilarious" parts are more like a bunch of hyper-active 13 year olds making poop jokes. Really, really, really not worth the bother.

The plot is ridiculous and uninteresting. The cast couldn't act its way out of a wet paper bag. The characters are juvenile and beyond stupid. The lead character wears an ape mask. The writing is sophomoric, idiotic, banal, crude, and nonsensical. It is apparent that the makers of this flaming bag of dog excrement were either on drugs, or have some sort of mental illness. To call this a "B" movie would be a blatant insult to all other "B" movies. The language is crude and over the top throughout, and would embarass an already foul-mouthed teenaged miscreant. I feel sorry for the entire cast and crew and how they were truly suckered into making this very lame excuse of a film. The producers of this craptastic exercise in cinema should never, ever be allowed to use any sort of filmmaking equipment ever again. My cat vomits more interesting material than this poor excuse for a movie. It is an hour of your life which will be truly wasted and you will never get back again if you choose to be subjected to this unmitigated, undisputed piece of garbage. Even if the producers had intended this film to be bad, in bad taste, and poorly done, they failed miserably. This is beyond bad, crosses the line of bad taste, and in fact, has to be one of the biggest wastes of film ever made. Even the most immature, perverted, and mentally imbalanced individual would find this film to be of inferior quality.