Customer Reviews

Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage

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It is difficult to imagine how lies and lying could be expounded upon in such a remarkable way! But Bader & Pearson have done it, and have done it better than one might imagine. For this is not simply a book about the impact of lying upon relationships, it is a dissertation on the essence of intimacy and the secret of how to grow close to one another.

Every couple who is truly committed to the growth of their marriage would benefit from this book. In addition, all clinicians who dare to work with couples need to all but memorize this volume. But don't be fooled by the ease of the read--there is much to be absorbed here, and the true student of human relationships, or the curious couple, will find that one pass through these deceptively deep pages is not nearly enough. Bader & Pearson's breadth of knowledge is evident throughout the entire manuscript, and no doubt, they have a scholarly understanding of philosophy as well as psychology. Somehow they are able to blend their clinical knowledge with their awareness of the vicissitudes of Silicon Valley without developing a severe case of cynicism.

Needless to say, no other author/couple has woven into their work their own marriage in such a real way, and yet has no axe to grind. All of us in the clinical field owe a debt of gratitude to these two for what they have written, and the fact they had the wisdom to write. The married and the about to be married are likewise blessed to have the material at their finger tips that can be found in Tell Me No Lies.

Reading this book was a great experience. I will never be able to look at the relationships in my life in the same way again. The authors, who are married to one another, provide such practical, useful, and totally accurate insights into the mistakes that couples make and offer realistic, implementable, sustenable solutions to unravel the mess that these mistakes create. In spite of it being a pretty slim book, I had to read it in small doses because there is a lot to take in. Every other page there comes an example that truly speaks to you and you need to put the book down to digest what you have just read before continuing further. This was one of those rare gems - a self-help book that is not "preachy" in tone and unrealistic in its solutions. Also, the whole concept of being a "Lie Invitee" is mind-boggling. I think book is definitely helpful and worth reading.

Every once in a while, you come across a book where it's obvious that the author(s) know their subject in extraordinary depth. They know every single square centimeter of their topic, from the gross to the elegant, from the subtle to the sublime. Bader and Pearson know lies and lying. They have spent decades confronting them, in their long-time therapy practices and inside the crucible that has unmistakeably been their own marriage. They also deeply understand and respect the well-researched and documented stages of human and relationship development, stages which have certain aspects and qualities that can almost predict the kinds and frequency of the lies that will inevitably get told. The real power and strength of this book is two-fold: first, these couples therapists shine a bright light on the system that lies get told within and identify the ways and means that people in relationships "invite" lies to be told to them. This alone is an eye-opening revelation. Secondly, and most importantly, rather than telling me to "Stop lying", Bader and Pearson invite me to use the lies that are often a simple fact of life as instances to practice and expand awareness, as stepping stones for growth, learning and intimacy.

I'd be lying if I gave this book anything less than a wholehearted endorsement.

Once I picked up this book I was unable to put it down. From the first chapter I was able to identify myself and my partners, not only in my marriage but in past relationships as well. The authors show that they have a firm understanding of relationships and the interactions that occur within them. Not only do they expose the lies that we use everyday, both large and very small, but they explore some of the root reasons why we lie in a clear, consise manner. More importantly, they explore how to prevent lies in the future, giving simple solutions and equipment for your "emotional toolbox".

Although the book's subtitle may cause potential readers to believe that it is only for married couples, many of the examples and tools can be applied to other relationships as well.

I whole-heartedly recommend this book because of its ease of reading, excellent examples, and the tools that it provides.

Tell Me No Lies is more than practical self-help (though just that would be useful). It provokes a way of thinking and acting --not just doing -- to develop and sustain truer relationship. An brilliant must for people involved with other people.

Not just for the clinician, this is an excellent read for any person in any kind of relationship, not just marriage. I so appreciate Bader & Pearson's sharing of their own marital challenges, and found the example case histories to be illuminating and inspiring. Hope they come out with an audio version.

Every once in a while, you come across a book where it's obvious that the author(s) know their subject in extraordinary depth. They know every single square centimeter of their topic, from the gross to the elegant, from the subtle to the sublime. Bader and Pearson know lies and lying. They have spent decades confronting them, in their long-time therapy practices and inside the cauldron that has unmistakeably been their own marriage. They also deeply understand and respect the well-researched and documented stages of human and relationship development, stages which have certain aspects and qualities that can almost predict the kinds and frequency of the lies that will inevitably get told. The real power and strength of this book is two-fold: first, these couples therapists shine a bright light on the system that lies get told within and identify the ways and means that people in relationships "invite" lies to be told to them. This alone is an eye-opening revelation. Secondly, and most importantly, rather than telling me to "Stop lying", Bader and Pearson invite me to use the lies that are often a simple fact of life as instances to practice and expand awareness, as stepping stones for growth, learning and intimacy.

I'd be lying if I gave this book anything less than a wholehearted endorsement.