Customer Reviews

The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male

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Before I even opened the book to start reading it, I was already coming to it filled with particular expectations. I actually think that we often/always approach books, among other things, in this manner. In this case, though, I was fortunate enough to be aware of what those expectations were from the beginning. In particular, given Valerio's past associations with This Bridge Called My Back and This Bridge We Call Home, I was looking forward to race and feminism being figured in more centrally in The Testosterone Files than other FTM texts (memoir and otherwise).

While by no means have I exhausted the entire genre, I'd have to say that in my readings thus far, I've been hard-pressed to find a FTM text that leaves me feeling satisfied with its treatment of race. So, admittedly, The Testosterone Files had a lot to live up to...perhaps too much.

Frankly, I'm torn...I'm definitely glad to have read the book, as well as to own it. I will proudly display it on my bookshelf (where self space is at a high premium). As a trans text, I think that its focus on testosterone (as opposed to surgery) helps to stretch the boundaries of the genre, and of how we think about trans itself. Like other FTM texts, there is much focus on the body and its physical transformations, but because the emphasis isn't on surgery it offers something to those readers who either want to transition without surgery, or simply have to transition and live without surgery due to other constraints (e.g., affordability, or lack thereof).

Even though Valerio makes clear in the text that he experienced discomfort with his breasts, and that it was because of the lack of being able to afford top surgery that he hadn't had surgery (well, until he wrote this book!), the need for surgery becomes an undertone in the text--ever present but not overwhelmingly so. Instead, what dominates is talk about testosterone.

"The hormones really work."

It's a realization that Valerio seems taken aback by. He writes, "The hormones...I'd read about testosterone and its dramatic effects in his [Lou Sullivan's] booklet, but I had never in my wildest dreams imagined that it could be this good. This transformation is a miracle" (103).

Like other similar texts, Valerio describes the changes his physical body undergoes as he begins to inject testosterone--the disappearance of his extra fat, the coarsening texture of his hair, the changes in his skin. Interestingly, Valerio also describes the changes his bodily emotions undergo with the effects of testosterone. I say bodily emotions here because Valerio makes clear that it's not just about emotions disconnected from his body, but precisely the way in which his body, because of its changing chemistry, processes emotions differently than it once did, ultimately resulting in different physical manifestations of those emotions.

Specifically, he finds that testosterone has limited his ability to physically cry as he once did, and instead has increased his aggressiveness. When I first encountered these testimonials of his about how women are biologically predisposed to cry and men to fight, something in me tightened. My initial reaction was to get defensive and to wonder how a text that I thought would be so feminist could so blatantly reinforce traditional gender stereotypes. Then I remembered that there are grains of truth in most stereotypes, and that what was important was to not overcompensate by trying to make the argument that not all women cry at the drop of a hat, or that men can cry, but rather to respect and honor Valerio's experiences. In this way, The Testosterone Files, has been invaluable to me in challenging my understanding of myself as a feminist, gently helping me to grow further into the kind of feminism that inspired me from the beginning--one that not only prized difference, but saw our power coming from those very differences (thanks Audre Lorde!).

As I said earlier, however, despite the ways in which The Testosterone Files added to my knowledge and understanding of another man's transformation, I was disappointed that race wasn't a more central issue throughout the text. There are moments when Valerio writes about his Native heritage, about his mother and being on the reserve, about passing as white at some times, and Latino at others, but these are but moments, and conversations about race don't seem to be sustained throughout.

In the end, I feel like the book Valerio wanted to write about was about testosterone above all else. In that respects, he succeeded. The book I wanted Valerio to have written was about negotiating racial and feminist consciousness and politics in a context of FTM transition. I recognize that my disappointments in The Testosterone Files are not Valerio's failings, but rather signs of my own longings.

Unlike most authors of transsexual books out there, Max can actually write, and the book is worth reading even if you have no interest in transsexuality. There is no self-pity or whining in this book. The author is honest about the difficulties of being a transsexual, but he's matter of fact about it (when he's not being funny). He describes his experience is the same way he talks about his punk rock life and weird friends. It's an adventure: scary, thrilling, perplexing, and risky but ultimately worth it.

What I found most interesting about this book was its portrayal of the profound differences between the way men and women think, act, and feel. Max is an intelligent, sensitive, and self-aware person who has had the opportunity to experience life as both a woman and as a man. As far as I know, there are no other memoirs out there that describe this experience and it's eye-opening to read Max's firsthand account of how his sex drive, feelings, and even sense of smell are affected by testosterone. For every woman who has ever suspected that men and women are REALLY different, this memoir is a compelling account of what those differences feel like.

Reading this book was a little like eating candy, in that I wanted to gobble it up all at once and at the same time, read it slowly, savoring every word. The gobble won, and it was gone all too soon.

Firstly, I want to echo all of what Pen Name said about it. Yes, that review was all true and right on.

Secondly, I want to add that as a transman, it was very validating and perhaps normalizing to have so much of what I've experienced in transition described with a depth and accuracy that's been missing when I talk with other transmen about it.

When i asked my partner to read the book and give me her take on it, she complained that she'd already watched me go through transition and there was nothing new to be gleaned. Nevertheless, she started paging through it, wound up reading the whole thng and concluded by saying it helped her understand me better and also, better understand the essentail differences between men and women.

Valerio's experiences are different from mine, and he understands some of those experiences that we have in common differently than I do. At times, I think he attributes more of his experiences to hormones, and thus to biological differences between women and men, than is justified by any evidence he presents, and probably by any evidence that could be presented. How can we tell, for just one example, what combination of factors leads to the experience he and I shared of finding it much more difficulty to cry after starting testosterone? In those respects, this is an average transsexual autobiography. But, overall, this book is no ordinary transsexual autobiography. It is beautifully written, it is witty, it evokes in me admiration for his perserverance in pursuing not only his personal need to transition but also his goal of getting the book published, and adds to the many reasons I have to hope that transsexuality will be easier for those who take this route in this future. Just the quality of Valerio's prose alone sets this book above the rest. On a more community-minded level, he neither engages in the hardening of definitions, nor in the opposing tendency to revel in a kind of gender free-for-all, that puts so many people off from exploring trans options for themselves. Instead, we are given one man's account of his own experiences, nothing more, and, more importantly given the quality of his writing, nothing less.

This book is an absolute requirement for FTMs. While there are other books out there, I think that The Testosterone Files really sums up the FTM experience from beginning to end. If someone asked me to recommend good FTM books, this would be the first one out of my mouth.

Max Wolf Valerio has a terrific way of providing knowledge and insight into the world of a FTM. Great read. You can even jump from chapter to chapter out of sequence for the information you need and not get lost in this book. The Author has been in many documentaries as well, including the film "Gendernauts". If you want information about being Ftm this is the book for you. Also A great read for anyone that wants to see inside the wonderful world of an amazing transition. It doesn't get much better than this. Don't let this one get away. Get this book and "Becoming Alec" written by Darwin S. Ward together and you have the foundation of the best works on FTM available to date. You'll be glad you did.

I would pick this book over ANY other that I've read on this topic. If you are trans and looking to transition...BUY this. This guy has a vocabulary like nothing I've ever seen before. He talks not only about the physical changes that occurred but almost MORE importantly - the SOCIAL aspects of transitioning from female to male. This book is GREAT. JUST BUY IT.

I barely made it through the prologue of this book because of the writing style. The author is a poet and it really shows in that section. Unfortunately I'm not too keen on poetry and, while slogging through it, kept mumbling Mark Twain's Rule 14: Eschew Surplusage!

Nevertheless, this book is a fascinating read, and well worth pursuing to the end. Valerio throws amazing revelation after amazing revelation (ok, a little surplusage of my own) at you. I was surprised, for instance, that there are so many things about the effects of testosterone on men that I never knew or suspected.

Valerio does an excellent job sharing his experience, providing insight into the (to me) mysterious feeling that one has been born into a body that does not fit his sexual identity.

Our society would benefit from a greater understanding of LGBT issues, and this book is well-suited to that purpose. Read it and pass it on.

As a child I was told that God never makes mistakes. Tampering with His work is a terrible sin. Max Wolf Valerio is a terrible, talented sinner. What I liked most about his book, The Testosterone Files, is the thread of poetic nuance that wafts through his prose like the smell of sulphur accompanying a matchstrike. This transexual can write!

Max was a rebel long before he became a man. His gender change seems to me a natural expression of his punk asthetic. Only now the spikes are turned inward. One cc of testosterone injected every two weeks is a potent safety pin. Lyrics from such artists as Iggy Pop and the Feederz punctuate his transition. No Chris and Tret here.

Max is intelligent, perceptive and handsome. Although I enjoyed his book throughly, I was more than a little wistful seeing the pre-transition photo of his former self as Anita - a gorgeous Native-American chick with asian eyes, a delicate, narrow face, and pretty lips. This is a woman I could rob banks with.

But Max sent her packing and stands in her place unblinking, with a gun in his pants. After finishing this book I think either God indeed makes mistakes or, God is a punk too.

My hope for humanity is that the printed word will continue to be this dangerous.

Like a fool, I avoided this book for too long thanks to some bad reviews by some angry feminists! Fortunately, I was able to catch a live reading by the author and my interest was again piqued. The book is less than a day old now and I haven't been able to put it down. Max has a delicious command of the language and this book is a fantastic adventure to experience and read. (I may be biased, as a 30-something FTM currently going through hormonal transition as well.) He is completely honest and his descriptions of the various phases of transition are spot on. Yes, it's a great piece of "trans literature," but more importantly an awesome piece of human history.