35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Get an insider's view, January 27, 2007
This review is from: Thailand Fever (Paperback)
I read this book in 2 days. I recommend this book for any Western man who is dating or courting a Thai woman. I was ignorant to many Thai ways. This book is Heaven-sent as it is easy to read and understand and cleared up a lot of misunderstandings I had previously.
For example: Many guys told me that Thai women lie and to get used to it. I had a negative view of this. But the truth is that Thai culture is non-confrontational and that it saves face of everyone involved. In order to avoid anyone being embarrassed or degraded, Thai people may at times stretch the truth or speak something other than the blatant truth. This is not meant maliciously, but as a Westerner it may be hard to understand, especially if you are from a culture that prides itself from boldness, bluntness and outspokeness.
Because of my German heritage, I was taught to be blunt and not to beat around the bush. I was taught that this was a sign of respect towards others. I learned that in Thai culture this is a sign of DISREPSECT. It is often to save face and to avoid confrontation in Thailand.
Also the issue with the dowry bride price bothered me until I read this book. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of paying for a woman to marry her. But since reading this book, I realized that Thai culture expects men to pay a dowry as a symbol of love, respect, appreciation and gratitude to the wife's parents for raising and caring for her.
Not every family will require a dowry, so each situation is different.
It is also a sign of readiness to support the future wife. In the West we are taught that love is seperate from money, but in other cultures money may represent a symbol of love. This way of thinking is very different from what I was taught in the West, but it did help me to be more open minded to other ways of thinking. It helped me to understand the deep feelings of Thai culture and to realize that it is not necessarily "gold digging" or "greediness" for a woman to ask for money or material things.
I also understood why a woman may feel depressed, sad, or angry if her boyfriend or husband does not give her material things. On the western point of view it may be seen as "buying" love, but the #1 value of Thai people is generosity. They base their self worth on how generous they are. Therefore, it is hard for them to understand if someone does not want to show generosity.
(Of course balance and communication along with compromise is best in any relationship no matter what cultures are involved. Letting your girlfriend/wife and her family know what you can reasonably afford to help with is almost always going to avoid problems. Letting them know that your heart is true and genuine can often make life a lot easier.)
Although each Thai-Western relationship will differ, I will recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand his Thai girlfriend or wife and where she is coming from.
To my delight, the book is written in both Thai and English, so your
wife or girlfriend and her family can also read this to understand
you better.
Not every single thing in this book will apply to every single relationship, but it does give you something to work from if you are new to this all.
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54 of 61 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Truly Excellent, May 3, 2005
This review is from: Thailand Fever (Paperback)
I have been dating Thai women for years (they are the best!!!), and have been in several serious relationships. I thought I knew a lot about our cultural differences, but this book made me realize how much I didn't know or misunderstood. At times I was intrigued and fascinated reading this book, at other times embarrassed at the way my behavior must have appeared to my girlfriends. After reading this book, I gave it to my current Thai girlfriend to read, and she found it equally illuminating about farangs and very accurate about her perceptions and beliefs. An easy read, in both Thai and english. I think it is invaluable if one is to enter into a relationship with a Thai woman. My only disagreement with the book relates to its pessimism towards Thai/Western relationships...even with our misunderstandings, we seem to match up excellently in my opinion, with the understanding gained from this book, its even better.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fun Guide to Thai Relationships - Romantic and Otherwise, February 14, 2005
This review is from: Thailand Fever (Paperback)
This book was fun and easy to read - the bi-lingual approach is innovative and useful. Although cross-cultural romantic relationships are the focus of this book, I browsed and bought this book for its application to all relationships between me, a 'farang' (foreigner),and Thai people in every context. I've learned that if one causes offense in Thailand it may be difficult to get a second chance. Getting a good start in Thailand is one great reason to own this book and ensure the famous smiles are heartfelt.
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