Industrial-Sized Deals TextBTS15 Shop Men's Hightops Learn more nav_sap_SWP_6M_fly_beacon David Ramirez $5 Off Fire TV Stick Off to College Essentials Shop Popular Services hog hog hog  Amazon Echo Starting at $99 Kindle Voyage Nintendo Digital Games Gear Up for Football Deal of the Day
That's Not What I Meant! and over one million other books are available for Amazon Kindle. Learn more
Qty:1
  • List Price: $14.99
  • Save: $1.82 (12%)
FREE Shipping on orders over $35.
Only 16 left in stock (more on the way).
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
Gift-wrap available.
That's Not What I Meant!:... has been added to your Cart
+ $3.99 shipping
Used: Very Good | Details
Sold by book_holders
Condition: Used: Very Good
Comment: [ No Hassle 30 Day Returns + Ships Daily ] [ Underlining/Highlighting:NONE ] [ Writing:NONE ] [ Edition: First ]
Have one to sell? Sell on Amazon
Flip to back Flip to front
Listen Playing... Paused   You're listening to a sample of the Audible audio edition.
Learn more
See all 3 images

That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships Paperback – July 5, 2011

28 customer reviews

See all 5 formats and editions Hide other formats and editions
Amazon Price New from Used from
Kindle
"Please retry"
Hardcover
"Please retry"
$46.00
Paperback
"Please retry"
$13.17
$7.96 $7.31

New & Popular:"The Brain Fog Fix"
Read the popular new book by Mike Dow.
$13.17 FREE Shipping on orders over $35. Only 16 left in stock (more on the way). Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

Frequently Bought Together

That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships + You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation + Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work
Price for all three: $39.27

Buy the selected items together

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts.

Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals—voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose—are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored—but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood.

At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.

About the Author

Deborah Tannen is Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Her books include the New York Times bestsellers You Just Don't Understand, You're Wearing THAT?, Talking from 9 to 5, and You Were Always Mom's Favorite!. She has written for and been featured in numerous major newspapers and magazines, including the New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, the Washington Post, and Time.

If you buy a new print edition of this book (or purchased one in the past), you can buy the Kindle edition for only $2.99 (Save 73%). Print edition purchase must be sold by Amazon. Learn more.


Best Books of the Month
Best Books of the Month
Want to know our Editors' picks for the best books of the month? Browse Best Books of the Month, featuring our favorite new books in more than a dozen categories.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; Rei Rep edition (July 5, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062062999
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062062994
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #16,226 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Deborah Tannen is the acclaimed author of You Just Don't Understand, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years including eight months as #1; the ten-week New York Times bestseller You're Wearing THAT?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation; I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs and Kids When You're All Adults, which won the Books for a Better Life Award; Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work; That's Not What I Meant!; and many other books. A professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, she has written for and been featured in newspapers and magazines such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, Time, and Newsweek. She appears frequently on TV and radio, including such shows as 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Colbert Report, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, and NPR's Morning Edition and All Things Considered. She is university professor and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, and has been McGraw Distinguished Lecturer at Princeton University. She lives with her husband in the Washington, D.C., area.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful By Klint Hull on January 31, 2012
Format: Paperback
I assign Tannen's That's Not What I Meant for my college students to read. They frequently report how reading and discussing it for our class has transformed their close relationships with friends and family - particularly with their spouses - as they're much better able to understand each other and how they and others communicate. Most say they can't wait to finish reading the book so they can make their husband or wife read it. Occasionally, a student will complain (unfairly, perhaps) that Tannen uses too many examples, but most recognize that each example serves to illustrate a concept Tannen discusses, keeping the book grounded in the concrete and tangible and staying away from getting too abstract. From an instructor's perspective, I see Tannen's examples as well-balanced with the rest of the book's content; there are enough examples to make the concepts clear but not so much that one gets bored waiting for her to make her point. Her prose is clear and concise, and the book is organized so that the later concepts build upon the earlier ones in a helpful and logical way.

Tannen helps us understand how we don't just pay attention to the words spoken: in fact, we pay less attention to the message than what she calls the "metamessage": the implied and inferred meanings that each utterance evokes. Language is a lot more complex than we think, and by understanding that, we'll be much better able to understand each other - and understand why we sometimes seem to "click" so well with someone we've only just met, or why conversations sometimes feel awkward or go very badly awry (and how to avoid or at least mitigate such failures). For example, with the (now-cliche'd) question "Does this dress make me look fat?
Read more ›
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By C. Symons on October 31, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am so glad that the publishers released this book again. I have seen Tannen speak about the book's content on a video recording of a talk given (I think) at Georgetown. The content is so enlightening; I am convinced that her work could save many a marriage, if studied. I teach conflict management, and I am adding this to my required reading list.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Geneva E. on February 11, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Fun info that will let you take a moment before you start cutting your partner/friend/lover/friend down for saying something you thought was rude or thoughtless. Lets you see how a bit of understanding and compassion can go a long ways to make life with others humans more enjoyable. Definitely a positive message to get anyone out of prejudgements ;)
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By CK on July 11, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book may not be the most exciting read . . . but the information soaks in usefully. It's a great help in not taking personally situations that would have been previously experienced as hurtful and offensive. The information doesn't necessarilly suggest solutions; but it certainly offers a way out of schismogeny.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Gonzalo Marturet on July 15, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A good book that I enjoyed reading. It might be a little ethnocentric at times and it might not appeal to people from other cultures, such as latinos like myself.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Nathan Price on November 3, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Some people dig on Tannen's writing style, full of hypothetical situations, but I find it distracts and waters-down her findings. Hypothetical examples are fine once in awhile, but that's all there is in this book. Others may like the way she presents her info, but it is not for me.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Priyam Bhargava on April 11, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
It's a great book to learn how to communicate to others. This is great especially for relationships and learned to be an effective communicator.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Dr. D on April 14, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
That's not what I meant has been an interesting read. It has truly made me think more about conversational styles, as well as gender and cultural differences as a way of making meaning of the conversational breakdowns that affect personal relationship. At times, Tannon's examples are almost verbatim of conversations in which I have participated and I think 'Ah! So that's why that went south!' I enjoyed the breakdown of each of the chapters and have been challenged more about thinking about balancing involvement vs independence.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again

Set up an Amazon Giveaway

Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more
That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships
This item: That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships
Price: $13.17
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com