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The 5 Love Languages of Children
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381 of 388 people found the following review helpful
Chapman, with co-writer Ross Campbell, M.D., have written The Five Love Languages Of Children, which applies the love language theory to children. How can you tell your child's main love language? Chapman offers these suggestions:
1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.
Chapman and Campbell: Watch your child; he may well be speaking his own language. This is particularly true of a young child, who is very likely to express love to you in the language he desires most to receive.
I've seen this with my own 4 1/2 year old. Noah will come up to me or my husband, and try to engage us in a wrestling match. Or he'll pat our arms, give us a hug, etc. He has shown us that his main love language is that of Physical Touch!
2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.
If you notice your child making crafts for relatives, or wanting to take presents to classmates or teacher, this may indicate that her primary love language is Gifts.
3. Listen to what your child requests most often.
If your child often asks you questions like "How do I look, Mommy?", "What do you think of my drawing?", or "Did you think I did well at practice today?", this pattern may indicate that his love language is Words of Affirmation.
4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
Frequent complaints such as "You never have time for me", "Why don't you play games with me?", or "We never do things together" would be indicative of the need for Quality Time.
5. Give your child a choice between two options.
Chapman and Campbell suggests to lead your child to make choices between two love language. For example, a Dad might say to his son, "I have some free time Saturday. Would you like me to fix your bike, or would you rather go to the park together and shoot some hoops?". The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time. A mother may say, "I have some time tonight. Would you like to go shopping, and I'll help you pick out a new outfit, or would you rather stay home and we'll do a puzzle together?" You've given her the choice between Gifts and Quality Time.
Chapman and Campbell explain: As you give options for several weeks, keep a record of your child's choices. If most of them tend to cluster around one of the five love languages, you have likely discovered which one makes your child feel most loved. At times, your child will not want either option, and will suggest something else. You should keep a record of those requests also, since they may give you clues.
Of course, the choices you offer your child will depend on age and interest.
I highly recommend this book for understanding your child's own unique love languages, and how you can better fill his or her "love tank"!
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175 of 179 people found the following review helpful
This outstanding book addresses how each child (adults as well) expresses and receives love best through one of five primary "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them (and authors caution how you use that language for discipline). The information in this book complements books that address communicating with children based on their temperament (such as "Raising your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka). I also appreciate that the author included an informative chapter on "love languages in marriage", instead of just a one-liner encouraging readers to buy his book dedicated to that subject.
Bottom line - Even if you've read tons of parenting books, you will truly learn something new from this one - something to enhance your relationship with your child and adults in your life. You'll probably even learn something about yourself.
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213 of 223 people found the following review helpful
on July 11, 2001
In his previous book "The Five Love Languages," best-selling author Gary Chapman contends that there are five major methods of love-giving ("love languages"), and each person responds differently to each type. Each person also "speaks" a primary love language, and responds strongly to one of the types of love-giving. Chapman identifies these love languages as: physical touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation. In order to best make someone feel loved, you must "speak" their primary love language to them.
In this book, Chapman is teamed up with best-selling author Ross Campbell, who has written some very successful books on relationships with children. The premise of this book is that the love languages are not only applicable to the adults in your life, but to your children as well, and can in fact have a major effect on their behavior and happiness.
The book begins with a general discussion of love languages, some stories illustrating the dramatic difference that utilizing the knowledge of love languages has made in some parents' relationships with their children, and an overview of the book. Chapman and Campbell then discuss each love language in a chapter of its own, complete with real-life examples of each love language in the lives of parents and children.
The book then launches into a discussion of discipline (do NOT use a form of discipline related to your child's love language, warn the authors), as well as a brief discussion of the effect that the love language theory can have on your adult relationships (for a more in-depth discussion, see Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"). There is also quite a long discussion of "passive agressiveness" which I thought to be a bit overkill, but I'm sure is very important in the treatment of the topic (I have a feeling that this is co-author Ross Campbell's pet subject).
The information in this book is very powerful and has the potential to radically alter your relationships with your children, as well as anyone else in your life. The testamonials are very convincing, and the fact that this book, as well as others in the "Love Languages" series have enjoyed such wild success is a testimony to their effectiveness. My only complaint really was that some of the writing occasionally tended toward the cheesy side, and that often I was aware of the differences in the voices of the two authors. These are unimportant complaints, however, and do not deter me from recommending the book highly!
This book would be useful reading for any parent, no matter the quality of relationships within the family, as well as anyone else who is dealing with children on a regular basis (teachers, grandparents, babysitters, etc.).
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91 of 99 people found the following review helpful
on March 14, 2000
This book has revolutionised the way I communicate with, and discipline my children. Within the space of three days my three year old has gone from being difficult for me to deal with to being a pleasant child who responds to discipline in a positive manner. Our home has become more of a haven than a battlefield! Learning to communicate with my children in their primary love language has been the BEST thing that has happened to my parenting, and to their self esteem. I would highly recommend this book to any parent of young children. I will certainly be re-reading it through the years of their lives.
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40 of 42 people found the following review helpful
on August 5, 1999
Listening to the audio version of this excellent book is a great use of your time while driving to work. The five love languages concepts and how to apply them in raising and loving your children and even improving your marriage are eye-opening and thought-provoking. I believe I will listen to this tape again and again over the years as I raise my young daughter. I highly recommend the audio version for all young, busy families!
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
As a parent of two children and one on the way, I couldn't even imagine how unlike in personality they are. I have been on bed rest for 10 weeks this coming Monday and I have noticed huge changes in my children. Both were restless and both had moments of acting out. Moments that just were not like them. Since my husband and I are so concentrated on making sure that this baby stays in the womb as long as possible; we were not meeting my other children's love needs. I was at my wit's end to figure how to help my precious two other children when this book arrived. What a blessing and a change!

Immediately, I realized that I wasn't meeting each individual child's love need. My son's main love language is touch. This is so obvious in that he is always touching, always wrestling, and always in your personal space. After reading Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell's tips, I began to incorporate more touch into every moment that I was near my son. Whenever he is near, my hand can be found on his head, his back, or engaging in learning manners such as shaking hands. I have learned to use touch in all of his learning activities and his acting out has gone down considerably as well as his verbal skills have soared.

My daughter was a little harder to discover but I quickly discovered that her love languages are acts of service and time. She wants to be with you yet she wants to do something with you. Coloring with her, baking with her (when I come off of bed rest), doing crafts with her, and just reading to her are all reaching her needs.

As a mom, I found that The 5 Love Languages of Children was one of the best books I could have read. Even though my children are just preschoolers, they still require their love languages being spoken. Gary Champan and Ross Campbell use biblical principles, personal illustrations, and personal application to really open up your eyes to your child's needs. I highly recommend this book to any parent - new or old. It might just be the charge your family needs to go from average to exemplary. If every child had their love languages met just think of what a better place we would live in.
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54 of 59 people found the following review helpful
VINE VOICEon November 21, 2009
This book would be a good resource for parents or anyone else working with children. If you've read the basic book "The Five Love Languages" however, there really isn't much new here in the way of principle. The authors just take the core concepts of the five love languages and state them in terms that pertain to children. The difference then, and the value of this book, is in the focused application. Is it worth the money spent and the time required to read it? I believe so. While the basic love languages are easy enough to learn, the key is in the application of those love languages to the various relationships of life. Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch all translate in different ways depending on the relationship. If you're dealing with children in any capacity, this book will not disappoint you.
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47 of 52 people found the following review helpful
VINE VOICEon July 7, 2002
I read this book to try and get some ideas to help us deal with our three year old who was having a "difficult phase". I'd read over a dozen other "discipline" books and all of them were useless [except "Playful Parenting", which was also fantastic]. Thank Goodness I found this one! It was *tremendously* helpful! I can't recommend this book enough - the 5 love languages WORK - reading this book has truly helped me become a better mother and has had an extremely beneficial impact on my daughter's behavior and our relationship.
While this book is recommended more for older children, I think ANY parent could benefit from reading and implementing the ideas. Using the suggestions in the book to ensure that your child is receiving the love s/he needs will help build a better relationship no matter what the child's age or the parental circumstances.
The only complaint I had about the book was the chapter towards the end on "anger" - it is very poorly written and terribly confusing. I'm still not sure what the heck it was supposed to be about. But with that brief exception, this is a PHENOMENAL book that has the power to help you vastly improve your relationship with your child/ren.
I also recommend "The Five Love Languages" [for couples] too - a strong relationship with your partner is a precious gift for your child/ren. This book was GREAT for our marriage! Our happy family owes Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell a HUGE Thank You!
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41 of 45 people found the following review helpful
I am an LPC with specialization in play therapy. I work with wounded families daily. I have just completed reading this text and believe it to be exceptionaly valuable in helping parents build and rebuild damaged parent/child relationships. I am purchasing multiple copies to provide to my families. This book will help them in many ways that I am unable to due to time constraints. My only concern is that the text is more directed to a middle/upper class population. Some suggestions of activities require money (i.e. "take a child out to breakfast" - some of my families are lucky if they have breakfast.) that most of my families do not have. Over all, I believe that, if taken seriously, families who make an effort to follow its message, will heal wounds that will affect generations of their family to come.
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
on February 6, 2001
This wonderful book as transformed my realtionship with my son. Reading this book made me realize that I have spent most of my time loving my child in the wrong way. It was very hurtful to me that my 5 year old son and I didn't have that mother-son bond that I longed for, and that I knew he was missing it too. Once I learned how to love him using his very own love language our relationship improved on every level, and for every day that goes by it improves in new ways. Thanks to the The Five Love Languages I now know what to do and what not to do to make him feel truly loved.
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