The Bellman Chronicles: Shining a Light on Mankind's Missteps From The Trenches... (Volume 1) [Paperback]

Robert Hookey (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 28, 2012

I know what you're thinking, "What is this? Does it have any hunky, brooding vampires?" Let's be clear, this book does NOT contain... Beautiful members of the Undead searching for a nice light snack/true love. Teenage wizards battling adversaries so fearsome they must not be named. Children battling to the death in a televised spectacle. Virginal college students with soap opera names who shed their purity after meeting emotionally crippled, perverted businessmen - who happen to have billions. The Bellman Chronicles is a collection of tales featuring... TERRIBLE PEOPLE: Douchebags who think Grandma's wheelchair is a suitable substitute for a luggage cart. Crazy cougars who think the term "full-service hotel" means the security officer will sleep with you - while your husband watches. Guests who bring animals with them: a deer strapped to their RV - which they park next to the kitchen entrance of the hotel's restaurant. TERRIBLE THINGS: Getting caught daydreaming while your spouse "shares her feelings." Spilling your morning coffee. Hairless cats. So if you think your life sucks, take some of that money you were going to spend on Red Bull and smokes and read about someone who is REALLY suffering, namely yours truly. You can call me The Hook.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Everything you are about to read is absolutely true – in some reality. I was a child prodigy; unfortunately, a mishap involving an extension cord and a pair of steel scissors introduced me to the raw power of electricity while short-circuiting my intellectual superiority. To this day, I twitch whenever I'm in close proximity to an outlet or extension cord. But enough about my broken childhood dreams; you have better things to do than read my bio (I hope!) so let's cut to the chase, shall we? A few quick facts about The Hook... * I am a bellman by night AND day… Shift work rocks. * I am an author, albeit a starving one, which is why I am still a bellman. * I have been observing humanity from a unique vantage point - people pay little attention to service personnel - for almost twenty years, and they never fail to amaze and disgust me simultaneously. * Contrary to popular belief I actually have both hands and "The Hook" is merely a serendipitous nickname perfectly suited for a bellman turned author. * I have been blessed with a beautiful family who actually adore me, just don't ask them to prove it. This world of ours is constantly changing, not always for the better. Nowhere is this more obvious than in the halls of a grand hotel, where thousands of travelers lay their heads - and what really lies in their heart - for a few brief moments in time. After 15 years in the hospitality trenches I have come to an irrefutable conclusion regarding the modern traveler: he's not moving forward when it comes to the evolutionary scale. Every day I watch people who can barely make their way from the car to the Front Desk without slipping into a walking trance. And some of these folks are professionals usually held in regard by society. Nevertheless, I can see the frustration in their beady, bloodshot eyes and I know that sooner or later, I’m going to have to step in and rescue them. But not before I let them stumble about like drunken lemmings… for a little while, at least. The truth is this: we’re destroying ourselves through war, disease, pollution, etc. At this rate, in a hundred years, actual cockroaches will be running my hotel. And on that uplifting note, I bid you farewell. Please return to your reality television watching, fast food eating, and web surfing lives. That’s it. Seriously. I’m afraid you’re out of luck if you were expecting a guided tour of my subconscious mind; even I know better than to venture through that mess.

Product Details

• Paperback: 289 pages
• Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (June 28, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1466334681
• ISBN-13: 978-1466334687
• Product Dimensions: 0.6 x 5.4 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,831,511 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Robert Hookey is a husband, father and a proud resident of Niagara Falls, Canada. His life is relatively normal and uneventful. He likes it that way.

However, when he leaves the relative sanity of his home and travels to his place of business, he leaves sanity behind.

Far behind.

Upon donning a uniform, he becomes a select member of a visible minority: a bellman/blogger/author. Every day, he meets dozens of interesting characters - and he writes about them.

You can follow his adventures in the pages of The Bellman Chronicles and on his blog, You've Been Hooked!

And that's all you really need to know.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Step into the break room September 10, 2012

By Jefferson

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

If you've ever worked in the service industry, you know what it's like to make fun of your customers the second they're out of the room. With the Bellman Chronicles you get a peak into the life of Hotel service, get to step into their break room and listen in, poking fun alongside them at the insanities of our species. Definitely worth the read!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Comical and Truthful View From The Hospitality Industry July 16, 2012

By Britgirl

Format:Paperback

This book is an honest and extremely funny account of the day to day life of someone working within the hospitality industry. It makes you sit up and realise its not the glamourous job one thinks it may be when we check-in to a hotel. In fact the author Robert Hookey has done an amazing job at capturing the comical side of an often thankless and frustrating job. I highly recommend this book and suggest everyone reads it prior to their next trip. It makes great reading material on a plane, train or long car journey. Continued success Robert and I hope there will be a sequel coming from your bell desk.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars The first half of this book was okay. September 13, 2012

By Michael J. Burnett

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

The collection of anecdotes ended up being mostly variations on the same theme--guests who act obnoxious in hotels and don't tip their bellman. I can understand the author's frustration, I used to drive a cab and I know how important tips are for service workers.

Despite the sameness of the stories, I did find his writing amusing. He's got a good grasp of irony and pacing, and his voice is fresh. What he says is predictable, but the way he says it is often surprising.

However, the author came across to me as more of an annoying elitist than a sympathetic working class victim. His message seems to be that people who make the assumption that bellmen are paid by the hotel and that full service is included in the price of the hotel stay are either stupid or evil, or both. Personally, I came away from the book with the feeling that people like me should avoid four star hotels and stay at a mid-range chain that doesn't have bellmen and the attendant drama.

The second half of the book I didn't finish. What I read of it was simply a listing of things the author doesn't like, and the language wasn't nearly as original or, to me, as funny. But then, what can one say about spilled coffee or dropped coins that is original?

There are indications that this book is compilation of the author's blog posts. I don't think that's a bad thing in itself, but in this case I think that the content that makes an amusing blog doesn't quite jell into a memoir.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Read July 29, 2012

By J.D. Gallagher

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

The Bellman Chronicles is a book chronicling the trials and tribulations of Robert Hookey as he views life through the lens of someone working in the hospitality sector. This is a fun read and great for a summer read, long journey or just stuck in a waiting room somewhere.

Not only is it funny, but it is honest too, as the author demonstrates especially well in one part of the book as he tries to explain The Holocaust to his young daughter via Megan Fox and Stephen Spielberg, trust me you have to read it! I am a big fan of Stephen King and liked the clever Stephen King reference early in the book, but I am not giving away any spoilers so you will have to buy it yourself.

Overall a funny, witty, intelligent and at times heart-warming piece of writing.

5.0 out of 5 stars A day in the life of... April 16, 2013

By Qui

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I love this book. It's a quick read and it offers insight into hospitality drama that only a bellman could carry. How was your last hotel stay?

5.0 out of 5 stars Laughed my way through... March 10, 2013

By Jo Bryant

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I have been trying to figure out exactly WHY I like this book so much. Is it that it pokes fun at the pretentious way some people behave? That is definitely a huge plus in The Bellman Chronicles. I love seeing or hearing about prats being taken down a peg or two even if it is only verbally.

Perhaps it’s because you are able to peek through the keyhole at the way others conduct themselves. I think that there is a little voyeur in all of us. Although many of the incidents in the book are quite short you get enough – it is like a reality TV series of one bad behaviour after another.

There is such a great gathering of all the different types of people that make up the world we inhabit, all passing through the doors of this hotel in Ontario, Canada. There are cougar moms, drunken college kids, not so sweet oldies, diabolical children [my favourite kid was Little Napoleon], hookers, and although is isn’t PC to stereotype different races, there is a reason we do, and that reason shows up over and over again on these pages.

But it isn’t just the bad behaviour, and the laughs those provide, that keeps you reading. There are also moments that make you remember what’s good in the human race. The tale of the Bellman’s shoes had me smiling in a good way.

The Bellman Chronicles is divided in to two books. While the first deals with the haphazard and slightly deranged behaviour of the hotel’s guests, Book Two deals with life in general and all the terrible things that can just drive you crazy. From late night television chat line conversations [that’s a new one for me, luckily they haven’t taken on here in New Zealand] to Hollywood messing with your favourite film franchises, the author manages to cover just about all my pet peeves with the world....

I think though that the main thing that I love about this book is that after all that goes on at his work, the author goes home and fashions a loving environment for his daughter to grow up in. With wit and humour he shows us his loving and slightly odd family. And it reminds me of my own loving but slightly odd family. The one that is just like millions of other families.

The Bellman Chronicles is a surprising book because it is unlike any other book I have read. We’d all like to think our lives are worthy of a novel. Most aren’t. Luckily, Robert Hookey’s is.
Article first published as Book Review: The Bellman Chronicles by Robert Hookey on Blogcritics. Read more ›