The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children [Paperback]

Wendy Mogel (Author)

Book Description

Release date: December 2, 2008

In the trenches of a typical day, every parent encounters a child afflicted with ingratitude and entitlement. In a world where material abundance abounds, parents want so badly to raise self-disciplined, appreciative, and resourceful children who are not spoiled by the plentitude around them. But how to accomplish this feat? The answer has eluded the best-intentioned mothers and fathers who overprotect, overindulge, and overschedule their children's lives.

Dr. Mogel helps parents learn how to turn their children's worst traits into their greatest attributes. Starting with stories of everyday parenting problems and examining them through the lens of the Torah, the Talmud, and important Jewish teachings, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee shows parents how to teach children to honor their parents and to respect others, escape the danger of overvaluing children's need for self-expression so that their kids don't become "little attorneys," accept that their children are both ordinary and unique, and treasure the power and holiness of the present moment.

It is Mogel's singular achievement that she makes these teachings relevant for any era and any household of any faith. A unique parenting book, designed for use both in the home and in parenting classes, with an on-line teaching guide to help facilitate its use, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee is both inspiring and effective in the day-to-day challenge of raising self-reliant children.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Frustrated with a therapeutic practice that "shifted too frequently to be an anchor" for parents struggling with issues like overindulgence and overscheduling, clinical psychologist Mogel turned to her religious heritage for ways to help her clients and her own family "find grace and security" in an increasingly complex world. "In the time-tested lessons of Judaism, I discovered insights and practical tools that spoke directly to these issues," writes Mogel, who left her psychology practice in order "to help parents look at their children's anxieties and desires using a different lens." Digging into the rich traditions of the Torah, the Talmud and other Jewish teachings, Mogel builds a parenting blueprint that draws on core spiritual values relevant to families of all faiths. With warmth and humor, she offers strategies for encouraging respect and gratitude in children, and cautions against overprotection ("we treat our children's lives like we're cruise ship directors who must get them to their destinationDadulthoodDsmoothly, without their feeling even the slightest bump or wave") and the pressure of "Lake Wobegon parenting" (a reference to Garrison Keillor's fictional town where "all the children are above average"). Her thoughtful observations consistently illuminate and reassure. Impassioned, lyrical and eminently practical, this inspiring volume is a real treasure. Agent, Betsy Amster. (Jan.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

Carrie Fisher For anyone who has a child, was a child, or cares about children. Wendy Mogel teaches you how to raise a child to be a good person and not just raise a child to feel good. Great for the Jewish parent, great for the Presbyterian parent, the Buddhist, and even the skeptic.

Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin author of Putting God on the Guest List Wendy Mogel presents us with one of the finest and most challenging books on parenting to emerge in recent years. In a firm and loving voice, she reminds parents and all those who care about children of the sanctity of parenting. Her blending of Judaism and parenting wisdom jumps off every page. I love her work -- both as a rabbi and as a father.

Reverend Robert Thompson school minister of the Phillips Exeter Academy While reading The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, I felt that I was being tutored by an elder in the ways of the world. As a Christian minister, I have found that our faiths have that relationship to each other. As a parent, I was encouraged in the very ways that our generation of parents is baffled. You have hit on all of the issues that are difficult: materialism, permissiveness, guardianship against the destruction of humane values, and preservation of sacred time and space in a harried, dislocated world.

Peter Cobb executive director of the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education Prophets call on the wisdom of a tradition, its revealed truth, to say out loud what we know but are afraid to utter. Wendy Mogel has issued a prophetic call to good parenting, one laced with psychological insight, practicality, and humor. Her words are themselves a gift of faith and a blessing.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Scribner; Reprint edition (December 2, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416593063
• ISBN-13: 978-0142196441
• Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.9 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (115 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,933 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #2 in Books > Religion & Spirituality > Judaism > Jewish Life

More About the Author

Dr. Wendy Mogel is an internationally known clinical psychologist and author of the New York Times bestselling parenting book, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" and "The Blessing of a B Minus," which was released in October, 2010. A popular keynote speaker, she lectures widely at educational conferences and schools.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

143 of 146 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars One Excellent Conceptual Framework for Responsible Parenting October 20, 2005

By A. Reid VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I just finished this last night, and I plan to go back through it again. It's one of the better books on raising children that I've ever read. Mogel is a child psychologist with a definite slant--for her, a lot of the answers to parenting problems lie in encouraging spiritual growth, in ourselves and in our children. You don't have to be Jewish to find great material in this book--I'm not--but you definitely need to accept the premise that human beings are happier in a spiritually enriched environment.

I have already started implementing some of Mogel's suggestions for fostering responsibility in children and encouraging them to be grateful for what they have (as opposed to constantly needing more to be satisfied). Moreover, I mean to stay mindful of her emphasis on a parent's need to accept a child's basic nature. If you can name the personality trait in your child that drives you insane, Mogel says, you have already named his greatest strength. Helping to raise him to his greatest potential involves teaching him how to utilize his nature, not how to subvert it. Unlike some modern psychological parenting texts, _The Blessing of a Skinned Knee_ doesn't pretend that children are blank slates to be filled with whatever we please. Instead, Mogel offers practical suggestions for working with the material we're given.

One of the elements of the book that I would most share with my friends involves discipline. Mogel breaks down transgressions by intent and offers concrete ways to deal with them compassionately and calmly. She several times references Biblical exhortations to discipline--not in a pro-spanking stance, but in reminding parents that this is a responsibility that comes with the territory. I wish that some of the more stern parents of my acquaintance would read her arguments against shaming children. Mogel does not believe that discipline requires humiliation. Those who swing the other way--me included--could benefit from her section on restitution. My 8-year-old suffers an overly developed sense of guilt, and I am hoping that following her suggestions for restitution will allow him to feel a healthy sense of closure and relief.

While every reader of books of this type needs to exercise discretion in determining what will work in his or her household, there's a lot of solid advice here. It doesn't address every situation or every concern, and I don't believe it intends to. What it does is provide a framework for a new way of thinking about parenting which might be useful when you encounter those situations not covered.

47 of 49 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Parenting Wisdom January 19, 2001

By Roy Young

Format:Hardcover

I have read countless parenting books and consulted professional child and marriage psychologists for guidance in raising my two wonderful daughters. In comparison, Dr. Mogel's The Blessing of a Skinned Knee is WISDOM, not guidance.

Her book helped me to recognize that my responsibility is to be concerned most with building strength of character, not strength of grades and achievement. That I need to help my nine-year old and seven-year old with WHO they are, not WHAT they are. Our achievement-driven age sends the opposite message, and, consequently, it is so easy to lose sleep over the wrong things.

In an inspirational story of personal and professional transformation, Dr. Mogel tells us of how her own search for effective parenting strategies led her to discover that a religious tradition -- in her case Judaism -- gives her a structure for making healthy parenting choices. As parent raising two daughters and as professional psychologist offering advice to parents and teachers, she gives us a framework upon which to base our decisions and behavior to help our children grow into healthy, independent adults.

With this new understanding, I re-read some of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee before going to bed each night, and my sleep is getting better.

93 of 105 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The Recipe for Raising Menches July 9, 2001

By amybobamy

Format:Hardcover

It is an unfortunate cultural truth that we American Jews often treat our kids like fine, hot-house flowers - delicate creatures with frail egos, in constant need of support and nurturing, lest they wilt under the strain of everyday living. This author's wise reflections on parenting demonstrate that trying to iron out any difficulties our children may face in life - now and in the future - actually hinders their development, producing offspring that have far less initiative, resilience, and character than they should!

And it's true! Lately I avoid going to my daughter's soccer matches, because it's too silly to watch the field flood with doctors, lawyers, and therapists every time a kid makes contact with the ball!

The author of this very useful book offers wonderfully concrete advice about finding a way to lovingly reassert our moral authority and spiritual mentorship over our children. As a mother of four, living in the same city and cultural/religious milieu as the author, I am impressed with her thoroughness in covering this topic, her compassion for both parents and children, and her knowledge of ancient and contemporary Jewish parenting literature. But most of all, I am impressed by the frank, realistic, and practical steps she offers parents (Jewish or not) for helping their children find strength - true moral, spiritual and psychological strength - in who they are as individuals.

By the way, though only one percent of the Israeli population lives on a kibbutz (community farm), the kibbutzes regularly produce about 80 percent of the country's military and political leadership. Seems those tough farm kids know a thing or two about resilience!