An interesting plot idea which was worked well. I loved its pace - the tale fairly hurtles along, dragging you with it.
Now the minuses, and maybe you'll disagree with me.
As a style issue, I don't think beginning with such a huge block of dialogue is a good idea. We've no idea who is talking, where they are or what they're really talking about. I think a couple of interchanges and some explanatory text would be less hard work for the reader.
I also think the dialogue is a bit stilted. Its use to describe each situation is valid and colourful but I don't find it realistic (given what they are supposedly talking about).
It's well worth a download and I'd certainly sign up to read more from this author but I'd urge him to take on board the comments I've made.