The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating [Paperback]

Kiera Van Gelder (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 1, 2010

Kiera Van Gelder's first suicide attempt at the age of twelve marked the onset of her struggles with drug addiction, depression, post-traumatic stress, self-harm, and chaotic romantic relationships-all of which eventually led to doctors' belated diagnosis of borderline personality disorder twenty years later.

The Buddha and the Borderline is a window into this mysterious and debilitating condition, an unblinking portrayal of one woman's fight against the emotional devastation of borderline personality disorder. This haunting, intimate memoir chronicles both the devastating period that led to Kiera's eventual diagnosis and her inspirational recovery through therapy, Buddhist spirituality, and a few online dates gone wrong. Kiera's story sheds light on the private struggle to transform suffering into compassion for herself and others, and is essential reading for all seeking to understand what it truly means to recover and reclaim the desire to live.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Discovering the enlightenment of Buddhism comes pretty late in this shaky, ultimately triumphant account of coping with an elusive mental disorder. Van Gelder had been plagued by suicidal tendencies, drug addiction, chronic instability, feelings of entrapment, and mood swings since she was a young teen growing up in Concord, Mass.. Although off drugs for more than 10 years and a veteran of therapy and hospitals, Van Gelder was only diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) when she was 30 and seesawing wildly in a relationship. Finally putting a diagnosis to her illness was "like a religious conversion," and she instantly delved into the literature and treatment, including a rigorous multistage process of dialectal behavior therapy, conducted in groups. The first half of this densely detailed memoir chronicles the author™s continued yo-yoing into self-destructive behavior and hospitalization; eventually, with intensive BPD treatment zoning in on her six-year-old self molested by a babysitter, she moves through issues of trauma and vulnerability to a desperate need for validation from her parents, divorced early on and in deep denial about her psychic neediness. Studying Tibetan Buddhism confirmed her desire to embrace a nurturing community of compassionate seekers away from hospitals and diagnoses, well documented in this useful work.
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Review

"The Buddha and the Borderline is a cross between Girl, Interrupted and Bridget Jones’s Diary.While reading it, I found myself admiring Kiera’s talent for vividly describing borderline hopelessness and pain while keeping me laughing with her tales of life as a ‘lonely and increasingly horny receptionist.’ While this book has something for everyone, Kiera’s detailed account of how she recovered from this deadly disorder will be enormously inspiring to people with borderline personality disorder and their family members."
—Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook

"Out of a profoundly painful experience, Kiera Van Gelder has written a brave and hopeful book exploring her recovery from borderline personality disorder. Kiera's story will undoubtedly touch countless lives and be a source of inspiration to those who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, their families, and the mental health professionals who play a crucial role in the complex nexus of education, treatment, and support. The Buddha and the Borderline is a compelling and invaluable narrative for anyone wanting to learn more about the difficult, yet ultimately rewarding, process of recovery."
—Amanda L. Smith, Florida Borderline Personality Disorder Association

"With wit, clarity, and candor bout her sex life, Kiera chronicles her coping with the pain and emptiness of borderline personality disorder while proving that the road to recovery is usually under construction."
—Jim Payne, board member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness

"Kiera creates a window into the soul of one coming to grips with severe mental illness. Fully exposed, she shows us the pain, pleasure, and finally, the redemption of the borderlineexperience. Her gripping story sheds new light upon one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized of all human conditions, and for that, I am deeply grateful. Her words will quite possibly be shocking to some, but will validate and comfort those with the disorder and those who are tryingto understand them. Welcome to our world: the pain, shame, and pleasure, and then, finally, the insight and skill-building that leads to healing, love, and happiness. Kiera captures the experience brilliantly."
—Tami Green, internationally recognized speaker, life coach and advocate for those in recovery from mental illness

"The Buddha and the Borderline is a strikingly candid and comprehensive account of the author’s personal experiences of the effects of borderline personality disorder spanning more than two decades. Van Gelder is a very well informed, engaging, and talented writer. She reveals the multiple and complex symptoms of borderline disorder as manifested in her life with great honesty,revealing the devastating pain with moving and insightful vignettes that are tempered on occasion with a finely tuned sense of humor. This is a must-read for people with this disorder, their families and loved ones, and mental health professionals."
—Robert O. Friede, MD, author of Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified

"The Buddha and the Borderline is a masterpiece. Kiera shares her road to recovery in a captivating way that brings a unique understanding to a confusing, challenging, and controversial disorder. Having the privilege to personally know Kiera, I applaud her on so many levels, least of all this must-read book. She is an inspiration to all who strive and hope for recovery from borderline personality disorder."
—Perry D. Hoffman Ph.D., president of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD)

"Kiera’s book is destind to become a classic in the growing literature on borderline personality disorder. I expected to get a somber account of a transformation from suffering to enlightenment,but the book I read was not only entirely entertaining and revealing, but also had me up way past my bedtime in stitches. The Buddha and the Borderline is seriously funny, authentic, and sublime in its wisdom. The book embodies the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism and integrates the world of core unrelenting suffering with the world of freedom from suffering. Transcendent stuff."
—Blaise Aguirre,MD, medical director of the Adolescent Dialectical Behavior Therapy Residential Program at McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA

"The Buddha and the Borderline is a gripping, authentic, and ultimately inspiring portrayal of one woman’s triumph over borderline personality disorder. An intriguing, riveting, and compelling read, the depth and complexity of both character and story are to be savored. Kiera Van Gelder has shared the private depths of her heart and soul and, in doing so, has bestowed upon the reader a great and sacred gift."
—Roy Krawitz, author of Borderline Personality Disorder: The Facts

"A very educational and insightful look into the inner world of borderline personality disorder and its treatment. Kiera Van Gelder’s witty tone and engaging journey brilliantly chronicles the dialectic of profound suffering and how that suffering can be transformed into a life worth living."
—A.J. Mahari, author of Life Coach and Mental Health Coach

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 280 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; Original edition (August 1, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 157224710X
• ISBN-13: 978-1572247109
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (65 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,424 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #1 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > People, A-Z > ( B ) > Buddha
  • #12 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Personality Disorders
  • #23 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Mood Disorders

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

77 of 77 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A magnificent, compassionate, eye-opening book that's also a great read August 10, 2010

By Scott Edelstein

Format:Paperback

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness than can often seem bizarre or incomprehensible. It can destroy psyches, relationships, lives, families, and organizations. Yet it's also fair to say that the symptoms of BPD are nothing more than the human condition multiplied by 20. This book--by a brilliant writer who is in recovery from BPD--offers a profoundly insightful, balanced, honest, and compassionate view of the illness, and of the roles that mindfulness and various therapies have played in her recovery. Van Gelder never asks for pity or empathy--and, unlike most memoirists, she consistently understands that she needs to serve her readers, not herself.

A recurring theme in the book--and an essential element of the book's arc and structure--is that recovery, relationships, and life itself are all built around dialectics, the often-uncomfortable space between two polarities out of which our most helpful and harmful actions can emerge.

Van Gelder isn't just another person in recovery telling her story; she's a first-rate writer who has written a compelling, greatly entertaining, and sometimes outright funny book. If you want a clear-eyed, down-and-dirty view of BPD that you won't find anywhere else, read this book. And if you want to enjoy a fascinating, engrossing, and expertly told story, read this book.

Scott Edelstein, author of the forthcoming Sex and the Spiritual Teacher

44 of 45 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Scary and comforting August 22, 2010

By Julie

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book shows the ugly and real side of someone with volatile and unpredictable emotions. I cried at times while reading this book because I could relate to how scary your emotion can be and saw a lot of myself in her. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is sensitive and feeling so low they can't see the light or family and friends who don't understand what you are going through. It can be difficult to read when you are in the pits of hell and I would caution you if hearing about dangerous behaviors might be a trigger. Overall, I highly recommend this book. I especially recommend it for therapists so they can have a better understanding of what it is really like to live with these thoughts and emotions.

51 of 56 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars MIndfulness as Treatment August 22, 2010

By L. Finger

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book is an inspiration for anyone wanting to resolve their own life's problems and is a manual on how not to give up. The author has a mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder) that affects every level of her life, personal, professional, familial. It is not easy for her to find the treatment she needs but she doggedly pursues what is available in her community and uses what is available to her, eventually getting her life together and finding insight. The book is a fascinating look into the treatment of a mental illness, the health care professionals who hinder or help. She offers important insights into what calms her negative self talk, the core belief systems of people with BPD (i.e., the world is a hostile place), and which treatments truly help. The author has so much courage as she moves through her difficulties with her anger, attachment issues, and being mindful. In her participation in a group which offers Dialetical Behavioral Therapy (which was created by Marsha Linehan for those with BPD, using among other things, the Buddhist technique of mindfulness) sows the seeds of the author's interest in Buddhism. When the author completes her treatment with the DBT group, she looks for a meditation group so she can continue her techniques of grounding and mindfulness, which involves noticing her thoughts but not getting caught up in the emotions of her thoughts. As a clinician I have provided counseling for people with BPD and have also had friends with this diagnosis, a description of which includes "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment." A person with DBT can feel very afraid of abandonment at one point and then be the abandoner the next in a reactionary pattern that can go back and forth (and indeed the author experiences this in her book).... The sense of staying grounded, of not using others for validation but learning to self validate, and staying centered and not pulled back and forth by extreme emotional responses to relationship issues, are not only important to those with BPD but most of us who have experienced challenges in life that can pull us off balance. The book provides so much information on BPD, the mental health "system," family dynamics, and Buddhism it is a fascinating read and the reader is gratified to see the author overcome alot of her problems and begin giving informational and inspirational talks to others with the same issues. If you take anything away from this book, her dogged exploration into treatment for BPD and how to hold the mental health system accountable, is of great inspiration. Further, her experience with Buddhism is also a treat, as she immerses herself in it and uses it in a very real way to continue to resolve her life issues. This is a fast and informational read and I recommend the book highly. Read more ›

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Exceptional, Revealing, and Humorous September 27, 2010

By Christina Renee Provins

Format:Paperback

I'm 40 pages from the end and have had trouble putting this book down. The experiences shared in this book would be helpful to many by putting into words the challenges of someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (not the same as bi-polar, but often confused to be the same) as well as those of loved ones. Recovery is possible, managing the symptoms is possible, regaining some sense of normalcy is possible; skills and understanding are the biggest factors it seems to this end. The humorous and insightful descriptions of the situational and emotional challenges are numerous. There are some life experience descriptions that might make this book inappropriate for the majority of teenagers/young adults.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Supurb September 24, 2010

By Bugsy

Format:Paperback

Fantastic book, well written, easy and enjoyable to read. I can't say enough about how good the book is and how much it has helped me relate to BPD and how it affects my life. I would recommend it to anyone who might have or may be in relationship with someone who has BPD.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Masterpiece! February 26, 2011

By Craig R. Campbell

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

One of my clinical specialties is Borderline Personality Disorder and I've had extensive Dialectical Behavioral Therapy training. This book is a masterpiece! I've been recommending it to all of my clients who struggle with BPD. Kiera Van Gelder, the talented and hilarious author, deserves all the rewards, acclaim and recognition she is getting. She is a gift to the world!