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The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part Hardcover – February 1, 2011
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From Publishers Weekly
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Pick up this book, read it, treasure it; and leave it on your bedside."
" - The Review Broads
""We're obsessed with this new book by Mari Ruti Ph.D., in which she argues against popular relationship advice that encourages women to change and/or follow certain "rules of conduct" in order to land their man. If getting a guy to commit is that difficult, she says, you're not the problem ... he is. We like."" - Glo.com
""This is an eye-opening book that everyone can benefit from. Not just the single girl, but anyway dating in the 21st century."" - Book Obsessed
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Top Customer Reviews
Instead, Ruti proposes a philosophical and humanistic approach to understanding the madness that falling in love is. She approaches her subject seriously enough, but with a light touch: besides the requisite philosophy texts on love, she also uses references to pop culture for new models of relating to men, in t.v. shows like Gossip Girl, Glee, and Smallville among others. With this book Ruti helps balance the scales on the debate, which are pointedly skewed towards the stereotyped vision of traditional gender roles.
One of the most illuminating chapters in the book concerns the "love at first sight" phenomenon (Chapter 7: It's All About the Thing). Contrary to what we usually read in many relationship guides, that first spark, that instant attraction we sometimes feel towards another person can be, Ruti argues, "an uncannily accurate gauge of romantic compatibility". Feeling incomplete, we look to another to fill the void left by the disappearance of our own personal paradise.Read more ›
Ruti insists that the common advise women are given; to downplay their strengths and to consciously play games to make a make feel more powerful are instead counterproductive. It is unlikely that a relationship based on fantasy will be long-lived or provide what the people involved need. She goes further and says that women should consider each relationship on its own merits and understand that all may not be long-lived. Even a failed relationship can provide benefits.
Ruti provides eleven relationship touchstones. They are:
1. Stop trying so hard. You can't force or trick someone into loving you.
2. Stop being so cautious. The benefits of love come only when one is open to them.
3. Stop analyzing your every move. This goes back to the need to not play games.
4. Stop expecting your guy to act like a caveman. Men are not genetically programmed to act this way, although some relationship mavens insist this is so. Men can be truly emotionally involved in giving and supportive relationships.
5. Stop apologizing for being strong. If a man can't handle a woman's strength and competence, the relationship is probably not going to work.
6. Stop being afraid to have needs and vulnerabilities. If a relationship doesn't give you what you need, you need to end it.
7. Stop running after guys who don't want you. You won't be able to change them.
8. Stop looking for a guy without issues.Read more ›
This is a must read for anyone interested in romance-- whether you're single & looking for love or in a relationship-- you'll understand relationships & love better from reading this book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I only got halfway through this book. The excerpt on Amazon says "Are you tired of reading book after book and playing game after game... Read morePublished 6 months ago by Miller
Dr. Ruti is a genius. her prose reads like poetry and she cuts through the new-age crap about relationships, falling in love, getting burned at love and learning to cope.Published on March 20, 2013 by Amazon Customer
I loved how she calls out all the sexism in self help books for women, and how she points out that pscych evolution is the final jab at the womens movement.Published on June 12, 2011 by JillianPotter
In this insightful and refreshing book, Mari Ruti untangles the web of gender bias in relationships. Read morePublished on May 31, 2011 by Cheryl A. Butler
In The Case for Falling in Love, Mari helps show readers that everything you read in self-help books can actually sometimes be damaging versus helping you. Read morePublished on May 24, 2011 by Cheryl Koch
The Case for Falling in Love represents a refreshing departure from the decades long parade of relationship books offering questionable advice based on limited observations, half... Read morePublished on May 10, 2011 by Jeff Davidson, author and speaker, Breathing Space Institute
The Case for Falling in Love is what I would describe as being a guide to help you undo all the previous BS you've been programmed to believe about dating. Read morePublished on May 4, 2011 by Book Obsessed
The Case for Falling in Love is a helpful relationship advice book that touches on a wide variety of topics when it comes to romantic relationships. Read morePublished on March 10, 2011 by Naida M.