The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt [Paperback]

Russ Harris (Author), Steven Hayes PhD (Foreword)

Book Description

Release date: September 13, 2011

Too many of us miss out on opportunities in life because we lack self-confidence. Whether it's public speaking, taking on a leadership role, or asking someone for a date, there are situations in which we just don't feel equipped to handle the challenges we face.

Russ Harris offers a surprising solution to low self-confidence, shyness, and insecurity: Rather than trying to "get over" our fears, he says, the secret is to form a new and wiser relationship with them. Paradoxically, it's only when we stop struggling against our fearfulness that we begin to find lasting freedom from it.

Drawing on the techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a cutting-edge form of cognitive-behavioral therapy, The Confidence Gap explains how to: 

   • Free yourself from common misconceptions about what confidence is and how to build it
   • Transform your relationship with fear and anxiety
   • Clarify your core values and use them as your inspiration and motivation
   • Use mindfulness to effectively handle negative thoughts and feelings.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“This book could save you years of psychological struggle, yank you out of negative emotional patterns, and help propel you to a much happier, more productive life.”—Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star

“An exciting alternative to the usual approach of so many self-help books. Harris explains how we can work with ourselves as we are, rather than aggressively trying to alter ourselves. I’m impressed by the simple and effective methods of ACT.”—David Richo, PhD, author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships

“One of the most hopeful (and helpful) messages we can take away from this book is this: we can learn to do the things that matter, even when our minds say it’s not possible.”—Spirituality & Health

About the Author

Dr. Russ Harris is a physician, therapist, and speaker specializing in stress management. He travels nationally and internationally to train individuals and health professionals in the techniques of ACT. Born and educated in England, he now lives in Australia. For more information, visit actmindfully.com.au.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Trumpeter; 1 edition (September 13, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590309235
• ISBN-13: 978-1590309230
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 8.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,579 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #77 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Pathologies

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for overcoming doubt and fear! December 27, 2011

By Barbara S. Reeves

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Ah, just as I suspected: all that think-positive-Pollyanna-drivel is poppycock. According to Russ Harris, author of "The Confidence Gap", we evolved to think negatively. A hundred thousand years ago, if you weren't on constant vigil for dangers like lions, tigers, and bears in your environment, you didn't live very long, certainly not long enough to pass on your Pollyanna genes.

So thinking negatively is ingrained in us, and I'm happy to hear that because I sure was getting sick and tired of those Stuart Smalley daily affirmations.

"The Confidence Gap" is a guide to overcoming fear and self-doubt. As a recovering drug addict it's important, very important for me to learn how to deal with fear, because I always dealt with this problem with drugs and "liquid courage." That was my solution for overcoming low self-confidence, shyness, and insecurity.

Hellen Keller said that life is a daring adventure or nothing. If we're stifled by fear then our life will certainly be nothing. We'll stay stuck in our comfort zones as life passes us by. Harris lists four common reasons why we're afraid to leave our comfort zones:

1. Obstacles - our minds point out all the obstacles.
2. Self-judgements - our minds point out all our weaknesses.
3. Comparisons - our minds compare us to others who seem to be better than us.
4. Predictions - our minds predict failure.

Before I published my book, I thought it would be the greatest thing I'd ever accomplished, but as soon as it came out, I was attacked by self-judgements. I thought what I'd written was stupid, and of inferior quality, and I almost regretted doing it.

Even worse, I had to write for this website. Every time I wrote something and posted it, I would wake up in the middle of the night berating myself, "Stupid, stupid, stupid. I can't believe I wrote that." I wanted to give up. I discovered that I was "fusing" to these thoughts. That's all they were: thoughts. They were not based on fact, and if they were, so what?

Don't I have the right to say stupid things and make mistakes? So I continued to write and consider it all practice, because there's no way I'll ever get better if I don't continue to plug away. I "defused" from those negative thoughts. They still come up every time I write something, but now I can say, "There's that stupid, self-judging thought. Bye-bye stupid self-judging thought." So I was glad to read this quote from best-selling author Peter Carey in "The Confidence Gap": "Writing is being prepared to be stupid and make mistakes."

There's a lot more useful information in "The Confidence Gap" including Harris' golden rule for winning the confidence game: "The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later." There are nine more rules, so instead of listing them here, I'll recommend you buy the book and discover them yourself.

David Allan Reeves
Author of "Running Away From Me"

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars a no nonsense approach to taking control of your life July 30, 2012

By Drake

Format:Kindle Edition

This book does a wonderful job of describing the elements that you need to start changing your perspective on your life; to take greater control and lead yourself to the direction that you want to take to achieve your goals and live your values. I found that unlike some other books I've read - they are either too simplistic or convoluted, this one nailed it. I liked the way he walks and talks you through the exercises, it was like having a therapist sitting there with you describing all the steps.

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Way to similar to The Happiness Trap. October 2, 2012

By Mindcontrol

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Even some of the examples and descriptions he gives in this books is identical to the ones used in The Happiness Trap. The Happiness Trap is the best book that I've read all year and since then I've picked up other books on ACT. However, The Confidence Gap just seems like the same ol' book to me. I'm a little disappointed since I really appreciate ACT. I was hoping for something new. This would be a great first book if you are new to ACT. But if you have read the Happiness Trap then I would stay away from this one.