The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family [Paperback]

Karyn B. Purvis (Author), David R. Cross (Author), Wendy Lyons Sunshine (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 22, 2007

"An extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."
--Library Journal (starred review)

"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."
--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption

The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family--and addressing their special needs--requires care, consideration, and compassion.

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption and attachment, The Connected Child will help you:

• Build bonds of affection and trust with your adopted child
• Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorders
• Discipline your child with love without making him or her feel threatened

"A must-read not only for adoptive parents, but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children."
--Carol S. Kranowitz, author of The Out-of-Sync Child

 

"Drs. Purvis and Cross have thrown a life preserver not only to those just entering uncharted waters, but also to those struggling to stay afloat."
--Kathleen E. Morris, editor of S. I. Focus magazine

 

"Truly an exceptional, innovative work . . . compassionate, accessible, and founded on a breadth of scientific knowledge and clinical expertise."
--Susan Livingston Smith, program director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

"The Connected Child is the literary equivalent of an airline oxygen mask and instructions:  place the mask over your own face first, then over the nose of your child. This book first assists the parent, saying, in effect,  'Calm down, you're not the first mom or dad in the world to face this hurdle, breathe deeply, then follow these simple steps.'  The sense of not facing these issues alone--the relief that your child's behavior is not off the charts--is hugely comforting. Other children have behaved this way; other parents have responded thusly; welcome to the community of therapeutic and joyful adoptive families."
--Melissa Fay Greene, author of There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children

Editorial Reviews

Review

"...an extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding because of its numerous examples of scripts and phrases that parents can use... this book is strongly recommended." -- Library Journal (starred review), April 1, 2007

From the Publisher

A hope-filled resource for parents who have welcomed children: -- From other countries and cultures -- From troubled backgrounds -- With special behavioral or emotional needs

"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike." --Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption

"A must-read not only for adoptive parents but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children." --Carol S. Kranowitz, M.A., author of The Out-of-Sync Child

"The Connected Child is the literary equivalent of an airline oxygen mask and instructions: place the mask over your own face first, then over the nose of your child. This book first assists the parent, saying, in effect, 'Calm down, you're not the first mom or dad in the world to face this hurdle, breathe deeply, then follow these simple steps.' The sense of not facing these issues alone -- the relief that your child's behavior is not off the charts -- is hugely comforting. Other children have behaved this way; other parents have responded thusly; welcome to the community of therapeutic and joyful adoptive families."

Melissa Fay Greene Author of There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (April 22, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071475001
• ISBN-13: 978-0071475006
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,261 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #1 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Children's Health > Special Needs Children
  • #7 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption
  • #15 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Special Needs

More About the Author

Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D., is the director at Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, which hosts the Adoption Project and its Hope Connection camp.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 68 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Quietly creating miracles around the world May 8, 2007

By JMD

Format:Paperback

If you are thinking about adopting a child from a foreign country or even a child who has been shuttled from foster home to foster home, you must read this book first if you want to raise a happy and healthy child.

There are dozens of parenting books on the market, but what makes this book so very special is the authors' ground-breaking, empirical research with adopted children. Their research has been done at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, TX ([...]) Their discoveries and methods are unique because they use a wholistic approach to healing the wounded child. The result is that they are quietly creating miracles as their methods are learned by others and spread around the world. Their research is also helping other at-risk children, including those with autism.

According to the authors, structural changes take place in the brains of infants who were abused or deprived prior to adoption. Unfortunately, it is common practice in some foreign orphanages for babies to be laid on their backs for 24-hours a day, with a bottle propped into their mouths, and lying in soiled clothing. They are never cuddled or talked to because it makes them cry for more attention. These orphanages become eerily silent as babies eventually give up their voices. Similarly, toddlers beg for food from their cribs, only to be ignored. Many children are sexually abused in these orphanages.

Many adoptive parents believe that all they have to do is adopt the baby, and love and nurture it, and everything will be fine. However, the authors' research shows that these parents are about to face the biggest, and perhaps the most expensive, challenge of their lifetime.... Happily, that challenge will be rewarding, and more likely to succeed, if they read "The Connected Child" and practice the authors' advice. And so should their pediatrician or any other caregiver! They will understand what made their child unapproachable, angry, fearful, sexually precocious, sleepless, aggressive or withdrawn. Most importantly, they will have the knowledge and the tools they need to ensure their child develops normally.

The authors' research grew out of a summer camp they developed for adopted children with emotional and behavioral problems. Saliva and urine tests were done on each child. The chemical results were shocking! They discovered that the childrens' neurotransmitter levels were off the charts. They also discovered that when they used specific behavioral interventions, and gave them special supplements with the support of a doctor, the childrens' neutrotransmitter levels began to normalize. Their behavior changed completely!

Here are three success stories described in the book:

(1) "Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and reactive attachment disorder (RAD), a six-year-old girl didn't allow her parents to cuddle her. She had to be socially isolated because she would growl, writhe on the floor, and physically attack her sister and brother. In less than a year of intensive behavioral intervention, she became a kind and affectionate big sister with lots of friends. She and her mother now share the simple joys of home life, including craft activities and baking cookies. She has begun telling her mother, "I love you."

(2) "A five-year-old boy who was physically tiny and had limited language skills since coming home four years earlier began seeking his mother's cuddling and speaking in full, articulate sentences. He grew so rapidly that he gained three pant sizes--all within two months."

(3) "An eleven-year-old boy who wasn't allowed in public school for two years because of his aggressive outbursts was successfully weaned from two antipsychotics and three other drugs. He has successfully rejoined a regular classroom and excels at many enrichment activities. He is praised by his new teacher for his consistently exemplary behavior."

This book and the Institute of Child Development will leave a positive mark on this world. For the sake of the children, I hope parents and caregivers everywhere will heed their advice. Read more ›

32 of 33 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars THE Best adoption resource August 5, 2007

By chop123

Format:Paperback

Brilliant!! The wisdom in this book has made our stressful house a home full of laughter and peace. We saw changes in our internationally adopted children within days. I especially appreciate that they write from a stand point of hope not despair. I have read 20+ books on adoption, attachment and behavior - this is the best resource available. Very practical advice for how to parent at-risk kids. Every adoptive parent should read this book.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A really helpful resource June 6, 2007

By Erica Manfred

Format:Paperback

I adopted a child at birth who is now 9. She has since been diagnosed with a mood disorder--probably bi-polar. The Connected Child was as helpful to me as Ross Greene's books about the Explosive Child. I learned something new from every chapter, especially the last few chapters on Dealing with Defiance, Nurturing at Every Opportunity and Proactive Strategies to Make Life Easier. Simple suggestions made by the authors, such as watching for signs of overload, speaking with authority, rehearsing the child for what's coming, helping your child identify emotions, among many others have stuck with me. I've even used them successfully. The book is written simply and clearly, easy to skim through to find sections that apply to your situation. I highly recommend this book. Erica Manfred

35 of 38 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Connected Child provides solid direction for helping troubled adopted children September 24, 2008

By Myles Falvella

Format:Paperback

We're the parents of a couple of adopted kids, and have continually searched for specific information about adopted children with broad-spectrum diagnoses (ADHD, ODD, RAD, Bipolar Disorder). At one time or another, our kids have had all of these diagnoses attached to their issues/behaviors.

It's become clear to us -- and other parent of adopted kids with whom we speak -- that these broad-spectrum diagnoses are "convenient" terms in which to bucket our kids. These kids frequently show the same issues and inappropriate behaviors. Unfortunately, the standard process for addressing these issues (positive reinforcement, drug therapies, structured responses, diet modifications) never seem to work. This appears especially true of those kids, such as our daughter, who are adopted from Eastern European insitutions/orphanages.

We're read all of the general literature regarding these broad-spectrum diagnoses and tried every guideline in these books on how remediate these issues and bad behaviors -- all with little or no success.

"The Connected Child" speaks directly to the behavioral issues and unique emotional requirements that these adopted children require. Their approach -- based on the TCU Institute of Child Development methodology --is more a process for modifying parent behavior than addressing the child's issues and behaviors. Specifically, the book suggests that all of these kids exhibit behaviors based on perceived threats and fears established/learned during their earliest years in institutions. It recommends that parents develop -- and consistently reinforce -- a loving, affectionate, trusting and safe environment for these kids so that they can grow away from viewing people and life situations in a fearful or threatening way....

While "The Connected Child" makes a strong case for the unique issues associated with these institutionalized children and lays a relatively solid foundation for how to cope with and reach these children, in my opinion, their relatively "easy read" book with short "punchy" chapters and sections doesn't lay out the kind of structured or disciplined approach required. The authors are suggesting a life-changing and home environment-changing methodology for both the affected children, their parents and siblings, and other significant influencers in the kid's lives (teachers, counselors). More detailed direction on how to successfully implement their methodology would have been appreciated.

Additionally, I find their frequent use of "semi-miracle" anecdotes a bit too much: child couldn't be reached using standard therapies; parents -- at wit's end -- try the "Connected Child" methodology; child cured. I'm sure that there's much more trial-and-error or initial failures (by both the kids and the parents) with their methodology than are depicted in this book.

Still, I would recommend that this book be read by those parents with those adopted children who have been institutionalized and who have not responded to the traditional therapies for these broad-spectrum diagnoses. The "Connected Child" approach for building a safe and secure environment for these unique kids -- however difficult for the parents to accomplish -- deserves attention. Read more ›

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome! Some professionals who actually "get it" June 9, 2007

By Debra Jones

Format:Paperback

"The Connected Child" is a MUST for anyone considering adoption or foster care of children and is great for families with any child who has experienced the trauma of abuse, neglect, abandonment, loss of parent, divorce, or other intensely emotional circumstances. It seems some people think because kids still "laugh and play" that they are o'kay after some of these events. This book explains that brain function and chemistry are effected by trauma. Behavior and learning are effected by neurochemisty, and the authors' research showed signifiant improvement in neurotransmitter activity with children who participated in their study.

I consider the expertise of Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross to be the best I've found in 16 years of searching for answers. Furthermore, their book gives practical strategies for dealing with sensory dysfunction, learning/language issues, and behavior problems. Once a parent better understands these approaches, many power struggles between the child and parent can be avoided, lessened, or altogether prevented. As a "horse whisperer" tames the wild stallion so Dr. Purvis calms the troubled child and has been affectionately nicknamed the "child whisperer." Our family will be forever grateful.

Debbie Jones