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The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships [Hardcover]

Hill Harper
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (162 customer reviews)


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Book Description

September 8, 2009
In his first book for adults, New York Times bestselling author Hill Harper invites you to join the Conversation: an honest dialogue about the breakdown of African—American relationships. For generations African Americans have turned to their families in times of need—but now, this proud and strong legacy is in peril. Black men and women have stopped communicating effectively and it threatens the very relationships and marriages necessary to sustain the Black family. Today, less than a third of Black children are being raised in two—parent households, a sharp decline from past generations. So, why is it so difficult for Black men and women to build long—term, loving and mutually beneficial relationships? What is happening in the community that makes it so hard for women and men to find their way to each other? And why are there so few people who manage to hold a marriage together, even after finding a person to love?

In his moving yet practical book, Hill Harper undertakes a journey both universal and deeply personal in search of answers to these questions. He has conversations with friends and strangers—married, single and divorced—and learns about their private struggles, emotional vulnerabilities, and real concerns, and begins to see common themes emerge. As his journey picks up momentum, Hill begins to recognize his own struggles in other people's stories, and is encouraged to more deeply examine his own relationship issues.

Why does so much misinformation and mistrust exist between the sexes? Hill addresses the stereotypes that have developed in the Black community, in the hope that by addressing the challenges, Black men and women can find their way to common ground. The Conversation aims to open up the lines of communication, and offers inspiration to those who want to take control of this crisis and start building successful, sustainable relationships.



Editorial Reviews

Review

"Hill Harper trades solving crimes on-screen for a new mission: fixing relationship drama."
-Essence

"Hill's work presents a light, insightful, and accessible user's manual for African American men and women to better understand that which keeps us apart (and hopefully what can bring us closer together)."
-Wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Currently starring in CSI: NY, Hill Harper has appeared in numerous prime- time television shows and feature films, including Beloved and He Got Game. He graduated magna cum laude from Brown University with a B.A. and cum laude from Harvard Law School. He also holds a master’s degree in public administration from the Kennedy School of Government. He was recently named one of People magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Gotham; First edition (September 8, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592404758
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592404759
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 1 x 7.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (162 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #477,427 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Hill Harper is the author of the bestsellers Letters to a Young Brother which won two NAACP awards and was named a Best Book for Young Adults by the American Library Association in 2007, and New York Times bestseller Letters to a Young Sister. Hill was named Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series in 2008 and 2009 by the NAACP Image Awards for his role on CSI:NY. His numerous other credits include The Skulls, He Got Game, Lackawanna Blues and The Sopranos. He graduated magna cum laude with a B.A. from Brown University and cum laude with a J.D. from Harvard Law School. He also holds a master's degree from the Kennedy School of Government. Named one of People Magazine's sexiest men alive, he lives in Los Angeles. www.theconversationonline.com

Customer Reviews

A very good, easy read. Daniel A. Stevenson  |  34 reviewers made a similar statement
This book will definitly help any relationship to grow. Pearl D. Taylor  |  34 reviewers made a similar statement
Hill Harper's book is an excellent take on interpersonal relationships between Black men and Black women. Jeffery C. Felton  |  23 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
44 of 46 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Deeply reflective and honest January 22, 2010
Format:Hardcover
THE CONVERSATION by Hill Harper is deeply reflective and honest. The author's ability to discuss his own faults regarding relationships with raw and unflinching candor is impressive. His sincerity should move readers to hold up the mirror, evaluate the health of their own relationships, or assess why they may be unsuccessful in establishing new relationships. Readers seeking inspiration might also enjoy the quotes from other notable celebrities at the beginning of each chapter in this book.

Since the author is unmarried and admits that he has failed in his attempts to commit, many may question his level of expertise on the subject of building loving and trusting Black relationships. To allay these concerns, the author relies on the experiences and opinions of others who enjoy healthy relationships and marriages. He also includes in his writing statistical findings and research from a few reputable sources to support his hypotheses on the state of Black male and female relationships. Readers should however, bear in mind that while the writing is eloquent and captivating, the author is not a professional counselor and THE CONVERSATION does not present scientific strategies for managing Black male/female relationships. Readers seeking more impactful solutions for repairing strained relationships should seek advice from professional counselors.

The material in this book may be more appealing to young newlyweds or unmarried people below ages 30 and below, however. The book gives a number of scenarios (real and fictitious) in nightlife, party, bar, and restaurant settings where younger people are more likely frequent. More mature audiences interested in repairing broken relationships, breathing new life into existing ones, or building new relationships may not find the settings in THE CONVERSATION relevant to them.

The author's ambitious attempt to reflect the experiences of the entire African American race with regard to Black male and female relationships is commendable. He has enlisted the opinions of people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds who adopt different value systems. His friends and people in attendance at various soirees are invited to weigh in on the demise of Black relationships. He also invites people from his university, barbershop, job, and church to share their opinions and life experiences. However, since many of these respondents were seemingly acquainted with the author prior to the book's publishing, it is difficult to ascertain whether their opinions are truly objective. In addition, while most of these respondents were not celebrities, quite a few seem to be indirectly aligned with the author's affluent social circles. Therefore, it is difficult to determine whether their experiences accurately reflect those of average African Americans.

Nonetheless, in today's literary market where books written by celebrity authors are often considered vain and shallow, THE CONVERSATION is refreshingly thoughtful and intelligent.

Carla Newsome McManus
Sisters and Brothers of Hotlanta Book Club
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Opened my eyes. August 23, 2010
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I enjoyed this book, because it help me to better understand what goes on in a man's mind. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves, we forget that a man is also a person with feelings, and they deserve to be treated with affection as well. I thought I was such a reasonable person when it came to relationship, but I now realize that I was selfish in more ways than I thought. I really thought this book was put together well and I have recommended it to several friends. Well done Hill.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Honest, Informative and Inspiring December 28, 2010
By Jayden
Format:Paperback
I honestly can't think of any complaints about this book. It's written on a very personal level where he speaks about then-current events and people and he includes his self and his actions when talking about problems and making corrections. This book issues a challenge to its readers that I've personally taken on and I encourage everyone else to do the same. It was nonetheless an eye-opener in many ways. At other times, it hammered home points I've tried to make in personal life. I've read the book and have since passed it to my wife to read with the hopes of discussing it together. There is something to be taken from this book regardless of being male or female. I would like to list several of my favorite chapters but in looking back through the ToC, I can't because I took something from every chapter. And that, to me, determines how successful a book is in reaching me. It's must read in my opinion. Again, I encourage any and every one to not only read it, but look yourself in the mirror and answer the challenge.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars The Conversation
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in discovering how men truly feel about relationships, and how women really view men. The dialogue is eye-opening. Read more
Published 9 days ago by satisfied customer,Gail P
1.0 out of 5 stars Contradictions after Contradictions
This book has some key points that can help in the black community, although most become contradictions of unsavory advice later written in the book. Read more
Published 11 days ago by Lorna
5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ!!!
This book gives a real look at the art of communication between the Black man and woman. There is a definite need to understand what the other is saying in order to build lasting... Read more
Published 23 days ago by Zakiya Sutton
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening and well written
I was skeptical at first but it was soooo well written. The best part was the comments by regular black people. The weren't famous stars. Read more
Published 27 days ago by melissa
3.0 out of 5 stars Ehhh
Nothing earth shattering in this book. I guess I was expecting a bit more than personal survey data. I wish I had used my library for this one.
Published 1 month ago by Jenn
5.0 out of 5 stars WORTH EVERY DIME
This book help change the way I look at not only myself but how I look to others that are interested in dating me. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Desiree F.
1.0 out of 5 stars A Bit Unsettling
Although a guy friend suggested this written work to me, it also explains the serious plight of the lack of pure black love. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Valarie D Bloom
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty good read
This book has had some really good insights. Although, none are profoundly new, they do provide the reader the opporuntity to reflect on themselves and past experiences. Read more
Published 2 months ago by S. Greene
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for singles and relationships
I love everything about this book and constantly stopped and had conversations with people. It's insightful, authentic, and relatable. Good job Hill!
Published 2 months ago by Jennifer L Reid
4.0 out of 5 stars Style of Writing Gives a Personal Feel
The reading is easy to follow, down-to-earth language that keeps the reader's interest. The topic is quite relevant and I greatly appreciate the author's attention to such a... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Sharon Matlock
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Hill Harper's new book
Yes, he is and yes! And yes, you can. Hill talks about interacial dating as well as general men and women issues. It is very relateable across the board. Ps...check out "Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man? How to Think Like a Lady and Still Get the Man it was released 10 2 10
Oct 5, 2010 by Rhonda Frost |  See all 3 posts
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