"This is a rare and special book, wise and helpful, savvy and profound and should be a real life saver for millions who are actually prevented by their drive and ability from having lives that are genuinely satisfying. A wonderful road map not just to a good life but to a life that feels good." Mira Kirshenbaum Author of the Emotional Energy Factor, When Good People Have Affairs and Everything Happens for a Reason
"Bravo! Dr. Ciaramicoli has written his best book. The Curse of the Capable is a wonderful find in the toolshed of happiness. If you are alive, this book is for you. Dr. Ciaramicoli tackles the problems capable people face with impeccable psychological competence and the genuine compassion you can expect from an authority on empathy." P.M. Forni, Professor, Johns Hopkins University and author of The Civility Solution: What to Do when People are Rude.
"In this book, Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli makes a well-informed and convincing case that happiness does not inevitably ensue from our personal or professional achievements. The widespread belief that it does is the very foundation of the "curse." Happiness is not a function of doing but a positive way of being that fosters genuine relationships with self, with others, and with life in general. Excellent read!" James P. Brennan, Ph.D. Sports Psychology Consultant, Villanova University men's basketball team, Faculty, Muhlenberg College, Human Performance Consultant
Discover what achievers all over the world are realizing. The story you created about yourself early in life, which is part fiction, is having a dramatic impact on your present lifestyle--how you think and live. The assumption that all capable people in our culture have peace of mind and are satisfied with their life course is commonplace. Is this notion true? Not always. In fact millions have fallen prey to a belief system that says appearance and status provide the golden road to love and respect. In an attempt to perfect themselves, they are hiding their self doubt through constant achievement at the cost of losing balance and well-being. Suffering from being overwhelmed emotionally and physically, exhausted and fatigued, often with the health complications of being overweight; they have felt deeply disappointed. The Curse of the Capable describes how a biased view of yourself can lead to a fragile sense of self, addictive thinking and behavior, and a seemingly mysterious downward spiral that the majority of people can’t see or untangle. Foreword by Phil Simms, Superbowl MVP, NFL Sports Analyst, Former New York Giant
The Curse of the Capable navigates the reader through a process of inquiry and appraisal that may potentially lead to a truly enhanced understanding of oneself and others. Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli draws upon his extensive clinical career and personal life-experiences to illustrate how entrenched assumptions may propel us through daily life, yet all the while, deter us from heartfelt happiness and a sense of genuine satisfaction.
The Curse of the Capable, provides examples of intellectually keen and competent adults for whom external achievement has not necessarily been accompanied by internal fulfillment; thus, the unrecognized compulsion to repeat this cycle may lead to immeasurable loss rather than true gain. At great cost, as also described in Performance Addiction, the relentless pursuit of "more," paradoxically, yields "less." For these individuals, the emotions of authentic joy and sincere pride, (often assumed by others to come with such remarkable external accomplishment,)in fact, may seem elusive and fleeting.
Dr. Ciaramicoli incorporates an holistic approach so that each individual may become aware of the fundamental choices that he/she needs to consciously make in order to develop a healthy balance of body, mind, and spirituality. The interplay of these factors cannot be over-stated, as they profoundly impact upon one another; thus, significantly contribute to the adaptability and essential well-being of each person.
In order to live a healthful life, The Curse of the Capable provides an invaluable step-by-step guide that empowers each reader to take pause, consider his/her inner-life, challenge historically entrenched assumptions, and make mindful and informed decisions about his/her values and priorities.Read more ›
As a communication professional, I have long taught about the value and power of empathy. In this book, Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli and John Allen Mollenhauer show in clear detail and simple language exactly how relationships can help you change your story so you finally feel free.
So many people meet the authors' definition of "capable" -- people who by all outward appearances are doing what they need to do, succeeding, and achieving their goals. They are often the go-to people for everyone around them because they are so able. Yet internally they feel "off" -- something isn't right. Achieving doesn't seem like enough. If this is you -- you really need this amazing book.
In fact after just the first chapter alone you can begin to have clarity about where your story comes from and finally arrive at an understanding about what's happening inside you. One section I find especially helpful is the set of reflection questions at the end of the chapters. When you take the time to thoughtfully write the answers to these questions, you have the opportunity to see your story and your life in a whole new perspective.
You will likely see some or many aspects of yourself in the stories and real life examples of people who also experienced "the curse." To read how others came to become free from their curses provides hope. If someone else can get free, you can get free too.
As you read this book, you have the opportunity to reflect on all the important relationships in your life and how you treat yourself as well. A wonderful read and definitely helpful.
If I didn't know it, I would think I was reading a book about myself. The authors' succinctly captured my story. I was under the impression (although not conscious) if I could get the approval from my parents in regards to the achievements I accomplished, I would be happy. Eventually, this `curse' spread to all those I came in contact with, which resulted in desperately seeking approval from others. With the help of this book and intense therapy, I am more aware now -in my heart- that "my net worth does not equal my self-worth", that my body doesn't have to be perfect for me to be loved. The irony of it is, the more I accepted my body, the more I enjoyed taking care of it, and was not a slave to the unrealistic expectations that society placed on me. This is a great book for all those who are highly capable but have been cursed with the `perfection myth'. When you break free from this myth, you are in a better position to have intimate relationships, which brings true happiness.
Michael Sylvester Exercise Physiologist/Personal Trainer [...]
Imagine yourself feeling better and stronger. One of the many powerful insights Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli brings is that "the stories you use to describe yourself . . .[and the stories of] many forward-moving achievers . . . are a cover-up for how they are genuinely feeling inside (page 35)." On page 55, Dr. Arthur shakes us up with: "Thousands of capable, high-achieving people are suffering from Performance Addiction (PA), which is the belief that perfecting appearance and achieving status will secure love, respect and happiness". Let's face it. High achievers want to be stronger and more effective. This book helps you cultivate your hidden powers so that you feel, deep inside, happier and stronger. You'll keep achieving but the good news is that any emptiness will start to fill up (when you take action and *do* the process of this book). On page 133, Dr. Arthur emphasizes, "Intimacy is the ability to enter the personal world of another person." On page 136, we learn that "self care dramatically affects the quality of long-term relationships." On page 243, Dr. Arthur reminds us that "a person who possesses a resilient sense of self can most often cope effectively in the face of uncertainty." The power of this book is that it covers the vital areas that we need to handle so that we do more than prosper -- and we enjoy life and feel a deep experience of fulfillment. Now that's true success.
Tom Marcoux America's Communication Coach Tom's blog about beheardandbetrusted-com Author of ...Read more ›