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The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence [Hardcover]

Rachel Simmons
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)


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Book Description

August 25, 2009
Bestselling author of Odd Girl Out, Rachel Simmons exposes the myth of the Good Girl, freeing girls from its impossible standards and encouraging them to embrace their real selves

In The Curse of the Good Girl, bestselling author Rachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential. Unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is a paradigm so narrowly defined that it's unachievable. When girls inevitably fail to live up- experiencing conflicts with peers, making mistakes in the classroom or on the playing field-they are paralyzed by self-criticism, stunting the growth of vital skills and habits. Simmons traces the poisonous impact of Good Girl pressure on development and provides a strategy to reverse the tide. At once expository and prescriptive, The Curse of the Good Girl is a call to arms from a new front in female empowerment.

Looking to the stories shared by the women and girls who attend her workshops, Simmons shows that Good Girl pressure from parents, teachers, coaches, media, and peers erects a psychological glass ceiling that begins to enforce its confines in girlhood and extends across the female lifespan. The curse of the Good Girl erodes girls' ability to know, express, and manage a complete range of feelings. It expects girls to be selfless, limiting the expression of their needs. It requires modesty, depriving the permission to articulate their strengths and goals. It diminishes assertive body language, quieting voices and weakening handshakes. It touches all areas of girls' lives and follows many into adulthood, limiting their personal and professional potential.

Since the popularization of the Ophelia phenomenon, we have lamented the loss of self-esteem in adolescent girls, recognizing that while the doors of opportunity are open to twenty-first-century American girls, many lack the confidence to walk through them. In The Curse of the Good Girl, Simmons provides a catalog of tangible lessons in bolstering the self and silencing the curse of the Good Girl. At the core of Simmons's radical argument is her belief that the most critical freedom we can win for our daughters is the liberty not only to listen to their inner voice but also to act on it.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this volume for parents of middle-school daughters, the author of Odd Girl Out observes that girls today still pressure themselves to conform to the old, narrow paradigm of a nice, people-pleasing, rule-following, even-tempered, socially acceptable good girl, shunning the image of a rebellious, proud, socially outré, in-charge, outspoken bad girl. To dispel the curse of the good girl, and despite using those familiar, easily misconstrued labels as a touchstone, Girls Leadership Institute founder Simmons offers instructive tales out of school and workshops, revealing that flawed communication rituals and fear of confrontation contribute equally to a girl's belief that it is more important to be liked than to be an individual. In order to become a successful, well-adjusted real girl, she needs to know how to say no to peers, ask for what she needs and express what she thinks. In the second half of this book, parents will find concrete strategies and tools—confidence-building exercises that emphasize emotional intelligence, self-evaluations, q&a's, scripts and lots of first-person stories—to help guide a girl's growth into a young woman who can respect and listen to her inner voice, say what she feels and thinks, embrace her limits and present an authentic self to the world. (Aug.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Rachel Simmons is the author of New York Times bestseller Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. She is the founding director of the Girls' Leadership Institute. She lives in Brooklyn, New York. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Penguin Press HC, The (August 25, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1594202184
  • ISBN-13: 978-1594202186
  • Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.5 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #419,881 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rachel Simmons is the author of the New York Times bestseller Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. As an educator and coach, Rachel works internationally to develop strategies to address bullying and empower girls.

After graduating from Vassar College, Rachel won a Rhodes Scholarship from New York in 1998. She attended Oxford University, where she began her study of female aggression.

The founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, Rachel currently serves as a consultant to schools and organizations around the world. She has worked as a classroom teacher at Miss Hall's School in Massachusetts and the Roedean School in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Rachel is the host of the upcoming PBS television special, "A Girl's Life," and writes an advice blog for girls at TeenVogue.com.

Rachel has appeared on Oprah, Today, and other major national programs. Odd Girl Out was adapted into a highly acclaimed Lifetime television movie. Rachel lives in Brooklyn with her West Highland Terrier, Rosie, who is currently taking private workshops with Rachel to learn how to stop bullying other dogs.

Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
(19)
4.3 out of 5 stars
We both found it intensely practical in learning how to communicate and deal with conflict. Sally Fisher  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
It's written in a very engaging manner. EAO  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
42 of 47 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thought-provoking and Fabulous September 16, 2009
Format:Hardcover
I intitially picked up this book out of professional interest. As an advocate for women's rights and a student of leadership development, I was interested in learning from Rachel's experience working with young women at the Girl's Leadership Institute. What I didn't expect was the degree of self-reflection this book provoked. How had my lovely, graceful, care-taking mother been raised in the 40s and 50s? What lessons did I learn as a girl about appropriate behavior and having -- much less sharing -- needs? How do I see these trends play out with women in the workplace? How many young women have I coached to know their own value as they negotiated for a raise, promotion, or new job? How will I teach - or not teach - these lessons to my own children? On the last point, the book offers a practical guide for parents (and teachers and coaches and all adults who interact with girls). With Rachel's help -- and the help of all the mothers and daughters who shared their stories in this book so that we might learn from their experience -- we can raise a generation of authentic girls who truly know and like themselves.

Jackie Payne
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18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Self Discovery for every woman April 5, 2010
Format:Hardcover
I have been reading this book for several months. I keep finding new truths that remind me of my personal journey, through self exploration and through life. Most exceptional, is how much of what this author speaks of that can be applied to SO many women- women I know, women I'm related to, women with whom I work, women whose work I've read, women I treat as patients. I feel that most all women of this time and place could find something relatable in this discussion.

The book is an exploration of the complicated messages girls are receiving from society, from their families, from their teachers and from their friends. To be a "good girl", we must honor others' feelings before our own, diminish our grievances to avoid conflicts, avoid confrontation so as not to seem mean spirited, and thus promote dishonesty with each other and with ourselves.
This of course, leads to a suffocating mix of avoidance and frustration in personal relationships, as well as in professional spheres. How many of us have trembled at the idea of saying "That's not right/fair" or "I'm worth more than that" at work? I know I have. Or in relationships, how many of us cry unabashedly at the first sign of a disagreement, thus negating any rationale resolution or productive further discussion?

This author works with girls in leadership workshops that help young women develop their voice and learn ways to communicate that voice more effectively. They learn to develop healthy egos that allow for open communication of their needs/desires/opinions/feelings within all relationships.
What an extraordinary concept! That our families of origin, even those who were nuturing, were also leading us to some pretty toxic behavior. This prevents us from having the confidence and courage to discover who we are and what we want out of life. It does not admonish rule following- instead it offers suggestions for learning to deal with the natural disappointments of life and for finding our own way rather than following only what society proffers.

The practical discussion in the book could most aptly be used by a mother, but I found the discussion to be worthy of self reflection. How many of us, before we raise a girl, need to raise the girl within that may be stagnating in some of these repressive thought patterns?
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17 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Such an important book! September 7, 2009
Format:Hardcover
Since reading this book, I have recommended it to everyone I know-and certainly everyone I know who has ever been a girl or is raising girls. The book is smart, insightful, funny, helpful, savvy and most importantly tells the truth about girl's lives.

This book makes a critically important contribution to our understanding of adolescent girls-and what holds girls back from reaching their full potential. Even better, Rachel Simmons offers practical solutions to help girl's (and those who love them) be their true authentic selves.

I am so grateful this book exists. Thank you Rachel Simmons!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Good girls don't cry
Everyone wants to have a good girl, but how do you raise a good girl. In The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons you are... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Dr. Wilson Trivino
1.0 out of 5 stars Hi
GreAt read for females who need encouraging. The book is very informative even for males to enjoy.
Hope you like it!
Published 3 months ago by cassie
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book for those working with girls or have daughters
Good information on how to raise/teach/coach girls. I was able to use it in my teaching/coaching realm, but will also use the info for my daugher when she gets older.
Published 3 months ago by Julie McGee
5.0 out of 5 stars the curse of the good girl
Great item. My daudher is 10 years old and I think this book was very helpful, if your child likes to read, if not you have to do it yourself.
Published 11 months ago by Vitalina Leonova
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible
This book should be required reading for every parent and educator. It's excellent. It's written in a very engaging manner. It's well laid out and logical. Read more
Published 14 months ago by EAO
1.0 out of 5 stars Mean old nice girls? Please!
"In this volume for parents of middle-school daughters, the author of Odd Girl Out observes that girls today still pressure themselves to conform to the old, narrow paradigm of a... Read more
Published on February 22, 2011 by Quinn
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical.
I first found this book in the library. After both my daughter and I read it, we decided we needed to buy our own copy to keep and refer to. Read more
Published on February 9, 2011 by Sally Fisher
1.0 out of 5 stars It was okay, but nothing new
I was really excited to get this book,but was soon disappointed by its contents. Not a bad book, but as a minority it really didn't speak to me or any other minority girls or... Read more
Published on November 14, 2009 by Yvonne A. Berry
5.0 out of 5 stars Girl power! Parent Empowerment!
What a fantastic, educational, inspiring and insightful book! Parenting adolescents today can be challenging - parenting girls (sometimes) can be double the challenge. Read more
Published on October 20, 2009 by Sue Scheff
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank God for R. Simmons!
Rachel Simmons has proven once again that she is the leading advocate for women and girls in this country. Read more
Published on August 31, 2009 by Lissa Skitolsky
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