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The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate Paperback – August 6, 2002
"1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12"
Parenting tools to use in virtually every situation, from internationally renowned clinical psychologist Thomas Phelan. Learn more.
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Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Top Customer Reviews
While many authors have written fine books about building and maintaining good and deteriorating relationships, this book has taken on all of the tough issues as its focus. You think your spouse is cheating with someone else. Your child won't speak to you. Your husband has taken liberties with your daughter. Your best friend says she or he never wants to see you again. There's a terrible family crisis and the other person cuts you off.
Dr. Lerner draws on her personal experiences as well as case histories from her practice as a psychotherapist to give you answers. In doing so, she doesn't promise solutions will follow. But you can be sure that you will have done a great deal to try to help the situation.
The book starts with the contrast of adult behavior to how children behave. Two children become angry in a sandbox, but five minutes later are quietly playing together again. "They choose happiness over righteousness." Adults usually do the opposite.
The essence of the book is to encourage you to figure out what you need to have from a relationship, and to communicate those needs, while finding out the same from the other person. In that simple statement, the book's concept is very much like the better negotiating books (such as Getting to Yes).Read more ›
She deals with issues of hurt, anger, resentment, individuation, autonomy so well, while at the same time respecting relationships, and learning to foster more intimate ones. There is nothing "gamey" about her advice, nothing manipulative, no oneupmanship, no proving, just honesty and caring in a respectful way.
There are so many self-help books around on relationships that get people in more trouble than they were before. Dr. Lerner has succeeded in providing wisdom, humility, humor and understanding so that people can grow and develop throughout the life cycle.
"The Dance of Connection" is an excellent starting point in learning how to communicate with your partner, children and others in a positive, effective manner. I have counselled many individuals who said they simply could not communicate with their partner. "He/she does not understand" and "He or she does not listen" are the most common complaints. Perhaps, part of the problem lies in not relaying the message in a respectful, honest, courteous manner or failing to choose the appropriate words. Yelling, ranting and raving accomplishes nothing and irritates everyone.
Through the pages of this book, readers will have a better understanding of how to expand their communication skills so that conflicts can be resolved and people will open up to you. Part of being a good conversationalist is being a good listener, a skill which some people have not yet learned. It is safe to say that effective communication is not a "one shoe fits all approach" and readers will benefit most from the book if they they are flexible and adapt what the author has written to their own personal situation. Overall, the book is an excellent starting point in improving communication skills and well worth reading.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I love this audio. very wise wisdom, this is an inside peak at a therapist mind as they're counseling a client. not information you hear very often, if at all!!!! Read morePublished 6 days ago by Gayle
One of my favorite books I have read. She has really slowed things down for me and made me think differently. Read morePublished 19 days ago by Mark Anthony
I found this book really helpful with understanding relationships and communication. My husband isn't one for self help books or counseling or anything like that so I tend to read... Read morePublished 20 days ago by sarahdev97
Harriet is wonderful. she writes very well and uses humor to keep her books a interesting read. Her insight is precise and she gets rig to the meat of the issues I've read all her... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Jazzin' in Jersey
The dance of connection is an excellent choice because it helps you to deal with difficult problem, how to make better decisions.Published 4 months ago by CharJ
Good information and reminders of what good adult effective communication looks like.Published 6 months ago by Amazon Customer